reifnir

Hi all, I read that there is a prohibition from choosing a sponsor of the opposite sex. The reason I ask is that the person with whom I strongly connect with is a woman, but she's more than twice my age. There's obviously nothing sexual in the equation. She just has a similar temperament and experiences as myself. So I ask, what is the reason for this rule?

joinedintime

I don't have your answer because I didn't go the sponsor or the AA route, but I will say that it seems that if there is such a prohibition it's very close minded and takes away half of the potential pool of sponsors for no good reason. BTW, does a gay or lesbian have to choose a sponsor of the opposite sex?

Ann

My understanding is that this has always been "recommended" (the choice is still yours), because of staying focused, not having to deal with male/female issues, not being misunderstood, and because a man can usually relate better to a man and a woman to a woman in private issues that are often shared with a sponsor.

The simple answer is that it avoids complications.

My personal opinion is that it's a good policy.

But as I said, the choice is yours.

Good luck.

NoelleR

I've never done the alanon/naranon recovery road (wasn't necessary), but I have done the AA/NA recovery road, and can give you my opinion from what I have learned in my recovery journey regarding this oft-asked question.

The first thing I'd like to say is that there are NO 'prohibitions' or 'rules' in AA/NA/AlAnon/NarAnon; there are, however, suggestions (usually gleaned from folks' experiences).....much different.

Now....to the reason(s) for these suggestion (from my perspective/perception, anyway)........:

1) The first reason for the suggestion for same-sex spnosors is the obvious one having to do with, like with therapists/counselors, transference.....that ugly ole 'sex' rearing its head.....this can often hamper a person's recovery (both for the sponsor, as well as the sponsee); and

2) Often, while working the steps, things can get very inter-personal--very (non-sexually) intimate.....And this can make working one's 4th step and/or one's 5th step difficult.

I have had both a male and a female sponsor, and had no problem with either one (I am a female, btw). I can tell you, from my own personal experience with doing a 5th step with a person of the opposite.......well, I now know waaaaay more about this man's sex life than I ever truly wanted to know, but hey, what the heck, we're both still clean/sober................LOLOL

So, reifnir, my suggestion for you would be to examine yourself (and your motives for choosing this particulasr person), and secondly, go and speak with this person. Who knows, it may be fine 'n dandy.....or she may not be a person who can work with an opposite-sex person......won't know till you ask, eh.........?

So, I wish you luck with your sponsor quest, and with your recovery too.....


(o:
NoelleR