chimney

I recently found out that someone I know has been in rehab( good ones)a couple of times now. I don`t talk to the parents or fam members because they are to toxic. So I found out that this young adult is not living at their house but at another family members.I`m assuming they might have got kicked out or just to much stuff going on at theirs.

My concern is that how will this person get better if they are living in a very toxic enviroment.Especially after just leaving rehab again.My heart is completely broken over finding out about this whole thing.

My questions are:

Will it just continue to get worse when living in an toxic enviroment and people who don`t have any expetations for this person to grow up(like get a job,etc)?

I was thinking of seeing if this person wanted to come live with us but seeing that this person can just get away with things were they are living at now, I`m not sure if they would. Would this be a good idea?

I know that I can`t save this person but I know if they were out of this toxic enviroment that this person might have a chance. I also know that this person has to want to change themselves. I can`t do that for them.

Chino

My daughter's former boyfriend went to jail for nine months and came out sober with his feet planted in the recovery door. He recently relapsed and is back into full blown addiction. His mom and dad are both active opiate addicts, too.

I understand and accept that it was his choice to use again. I also understand and accept environmental influences. He knew he could go to the Salvation Army and leave his current environment for several months, but he choose not to.

Your friend, having been in rehab, knows his options and what it will take to remain in recovery. If he wants help he'll have to ask for it, and he knows that, too.

chimney

This person is 18. Knowing these other fam members, they pretend to themselves and to others that they are normal. Do the rehab places see through these facades and do they try to get the person who is in rehab to see the whole truth? Even about the way that the toxic families are? Would this person know that they could come to me even though I haven`t seen them in a long time? Thanks

Chino

Rehab covers all toxicity. If he was willing and open, that ground was covered. That he's no longer living with his immediate family can be a good or bad thing. He may have removed himself to a hopefully healthier environment. If he was kicked out due to relapse, that's a situation I'd want no part of.

Why not ask him how he's doing, what are his plans, etc? You can always let him know you're there for him if he's actively working recovery.

Please read the stickies at the top of the forum page, especially the one called What Addicts Do. It's to the point and one hell of an eye opener about active addiction, if you're not familiar.

chimney

Actually, I`m familiar to a point. Alcoholism and drugs runs in my family and dh`s. This person is not in a healthy enviroment. The fam members(who this person is with) are not on drugs but there are other issues that will keep this person down. I have thought of contacting them but I know that I will hear a lot of crap from the fam members. Also, the fam members have slandard me already and I`m not sure what this persom may believe about me. Once someones slandards another person to fam members, then the other toxic people usually end up believing what is said.

hello-kitty

You have to do what you feel is best for you and your family because
nothing you do will stop someone from using drugs if they so choose - including providing that person a place to stay that you consider to be more conducive to recovery.

The person will get better the way any addict gets better - hard work and a strong commitment to never using drugs again.

From you post it sounds like the toxicity of the person's life has already started to affect your life through slander etc. that right there would be a warning sign to me that I should support them from distance and let them work out their own living arrangement.

It's never wise to invite someone elses drama into your life. It doesn't usually help anybody - it just makes things more dramatic.

chimney

That`s why we don`t speak with most of our fam members anymore. Been there done that... I don`t allow people like this to come into our lives and create problems. This is why I was asking about this. I wouldn`t allow this 18 year old to come in my house and cause problems.I don`t know exactly what is going on with this person as far as their recovery because I haven`t spoken to them in awile.

hello-kitty

I know that I can only control whether I let a person in my house, not whether or not that person will cause problems.

I know that I can only control how I behave and how I respond to other peoples behavior. Not how other people behave - especially people who are using drugs or are early in recovery.

What do you think you should do?

chimney

I`m not sure. I guess I`m going to have to think on it for awhile.

DecBaby

If you are worried maybe you could start by making a phone call to this person to feel out the situation and see how they are doing before you drive yourself nuts over what to do.