dad is driving me crazy!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1
dad is driving me crazy!
My dad is 46, I am 26. I have known since I was younger that Dad had an alcohol and drug problem. Around 2005 it got horrible. I was no longer living at home, which helped me out tremendously when it came to the stress, however I was still majorly depressed for a good 6 months in late '06 because of his antics. I had 2 younger sisters at home during this time, & I felt for them. There is so much he did, it's hard for me to remember it all, but here's the major stuff:
Lost various jobs for lying and stealing (he is a plumber). Started doing side work under his own name, and after a good year of taking people's down payments & not actually doing the work, he was in trouble with the law. He wasn't using this money he was stealing on anything but drugs, because he acted like he wasn't making any money to us. Mom thought he was paying all the bills until one day she moved furniture and found months worth of bills behind it crumpled up. She confronted him, they lost the family home & Dad moved away on us to live w/ my mom's sis & her hubby across the country - to "get his life in order".. Meanwhile, I was watched by the county sheriff & even pulled over once just to be asked where my father was. He was away on a "vacation" while mom was faced w/ moving everything out of the family home & putting our family pets to sleep. She moved into a small low-income apt w/ my youngest sister. Mom works but barely gets by after paying her bills. Of course, Dad came back once things were settled & things were ok for a while.
Then, in the middle of the night while mom was asleep, he stole her vehicle and drove drunk & hit someone on a motorcycle. Nobody was hurt, thank God! He was arrested & in jail for a very short time.
He has stolen money from my fiance, and continues to steal from people he does side jobs for. (Why people let some random guy do work in their homes is beyond me!) He has burnt bridges with just about everyone we know.
He wakes up, has coffee, then cracks his first beer at 10 am and drinks and plays video games and chain smokes all damn day! When he does get money, he wastes it on crack. He is wasting away to nothing. He looks so old.
He has a really bad hernia that he won't get fixed, because he doesn't have the money or any insurance. I worry about that.
My grandfather died before I was born (his father) from a heart attack and I have heard he was into drugs as well, which led to the heart attack. My grandma died in 2000 from lung cancer, because she also chain smoked. I tell Dad all the time that I worry about him and I say "Don't you want to live to see your grandchildren graduate?" He has no reply.
His actions made me the woman I am today.... strong, stubborn and a caretaker. I drink on occasion, like most 26 yr olds, but I do not smoke or do ANY drugs. I don't even like taking prescribed vicodin for when I had oral surgery. I destroyed them. I absolutely am anti-drug. My sisters though - one smokes weed daily, abuses rx pills, but she still functions and doesn't drink. The youngest sister is with a guy who smokes weed daily and rx pills on occasion, & they both smoke cigarettes. Not in their home, because they had a baby in Oct., but she smoked while pregnant and I was heart sick over it! The baby is always with her at my parents home, and they smoke there (not my mom, she doesn't smoke) and that place smells so bad of smoke. When I see the baby, he reaks of cig smoke & I tell them and they roll their eyes and tell me I am a snob.
I am also afraid mom will end up with lung cancer & she doesn't even smoke but the smoke in that small apt is so thick sometimes. I leave there and I smell so bad like cigarettes I don't know how they can stand it!
They leave marijuana pipes out on tables and in bathrooms, and I even found some small clear bags in the bathroom sometimes. I know dad smoke crack in their and it makes me sick.
He is too old for help and unwilling. Should I just cut all ties with everyone?! For my own sanity? (BTW I am super close with them.... esp my mom but she is an enabler. )
Lost various jobs for lying and stealing (he is a plumber). Started doing side work under his own name, and after a good year of taking people's down payments & not actually doing the work, he was in trouble with the law. He wasn't using this money he was stealing on anything but drugs, because he acted like he wasn't making any money to us. Mom thought he was paying all the bills until one day she moved furniture and found months worth of bills behind it crumpled up. She confronted him, they lost the family home & Dad moved away on us to live w/ my mom's sis & her hubby across the country - to "get his life in order".. Meanwhile, I was watched by the county sheriff & even pulled over once just to be asked where my father was. He was away on a "vacation" while mom was faced w/ moving everything out of the family home & putting our family pets to sleep. She moved into a small low-income apt w/ my youngest sister. Mom works but barely gets by after paying her bills. Of course, Dad came back once things were settled & things were ok for a while.
Then, in the middle of the night while mom was asleep, he stole her vehicle and drove drunk & hit someone on a motorcycle. Nobody was hurt, thank God! He was arrested & in jail for a very short time.
He has stolen money from my fiance, and continues to steal from people he does side jobs for. (Why people let some random guy do work in their homes is beyond me!) He has burnt bridges with just about everyone we know.
He wakes up, has coffee, then cracks his first beer at 10 am and drinks and plays video games and chain smokes all damn day! When he does get money, he wastes it on crack. He is wasting away to nothing. He looks so old.
He has a really bad hernia that he won't get fixed, because he doesn't have the money or any insurance. I worry about that.
My grandfather died before I was born (his father) from a heart attack and I have heard he was into drugs as well, which led to the heart attack. My grandma died in 2000 from lung cancer, because she also chain smoked. I tell Dad all the time that I worry about him and I say "Don't you want to live to see your grandchildren graduate?" He has no reply.
His actions made me the woman I am today.... strong, stubborn and a caretaker. I drink on occasion, like most 26 yr olds, but I do not smoke or do ANY drugs. I don't even like taking prescribed vicodin for when I had oral surgery. I destroyed them. I absolutely am anti-drug. My sisters though - one smokes weed daily, abuses rx pills, but she still functions and doesn't drink. The youngest sister is with a guy who smokes weed daily and rx pills on occasion, & they both smoke cigarettes. Not in their home, because they had a baby in Oct., but she smoked while pregnant and I was heart sick over it! The baby is always with her at my parents home, and they smoke there (not my mom, she doesn't smoke) and that place smells so bad of smoke. When I see the baby, he reaks of cig smoke & I tell them and they roll their eyes and tell me I am a snob.
I am also afraid mom will end up with lung cancer & she doesn't even smoke but the smoke in that small apt is so thick sometimes. I leave there and I smell so bad like cigarettes I don't know how they can stand it!
They leave marijuana pipes out on tables and in bathrooms, and I even found some small clear bags in the bathroom sometimes. I know dad smoke crack in their and it makes me sick.
He is too old for help and unwilling. Should I just cut all ties with everyone?! For my own sanity? (BTW I am super close with them.... esp my mom but she is an enabler. )
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
You have to do whatever is necessary to take care of YOU. You are right, they are adults and they have the right to live their lives the way they want to, but you do not have to have a front row seat to the drama. Take care of yourself and good luck to you. 
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