outonalimb

I still have alot to sort out about all of this.

On one hand, I'm glad he seemed alot better last night. He wasn't all nervous and fidgety...he didn't have that crazed look in his eyes. He was Tim. He even made a few jokes...something I hadn't seen in him for three weeks or so.

I realize that he can say he isn't hearing voices because thats what he thinks he needs to say. He's not stupid.

The doctors are going to keep him and watch him at least thru the weekend. He's having a cat scan today to make sure there isn't a tumor or other neurological problem causing this.

I really don't know what to think.
Its been quite a roller coaster ride.

And about the idea that it might have been the pain meds combined with alcohol...you know, I thought about that when this first started but he hadn't been on any pain meds for about a week before things spiraled out of control so I have my doubts that that is what caused the problem.

The doctor hinted last night that he thinks its time for Tim to give up the suboxone. You know, that drug saved his life but maybe its time for him to give up this crutch. Thats a decision only Tim can make.

The next issue...is where do I go from here? I"m thinking that if the doctor assures me Tim is stable and Tim agrees to abide by my no drinking boundary, I may let him come back home. The drinking has been a constant state of tension...the only cause of tension, really, before this whole episode started. I don't have any room in my life for addiction of any kind anymore. I've had enough of it. I've been disappointed in myself for not enforcing this boundary. I know what I need to do and its up to me to do it.

I'm not really sure where to go from here...what to think...or what to do...but I'm going to be very careful and proceed with great caution.

I just want to thank all of you again for your kindness and support.

Ann

Limb, it strikes me that this may be one of God's strangely wrapped gifts.

If he has any kind of brain problems, this checkup will find it and perhaps save his life. If it's the suboxone, then now is the time to correct that, and if it is a wake-up call for him, perhaps he will put down the bottle.

Even if it is as bad as you first thought, it has been a time of personal reflection for you to decide what is best for you and your child.

No matter how bad my life is sometimes, hindsight has taught me that there is always a gift in there somewhere, strangely wrapped but timed just right.

Hugs

outonalimb

Ann,

You are absolutely right that something good is going to come out of this frightening episode.

I am meeting with a social worker at the psych ward later today.
I'm going to ask her about resources in our area to help both of us.

I need to get back to my recovery. I need to get back to the basics because life was relatively good and stable for a while and I gradually let important boundaries fall by the wayside. I'm not going to beat myself up but I'm going to go back to the beginning and dust off my tools to deal with this next phase of my journey.

I have to have clearly defined boundaries. No alcohol. Period. Out-patient counseling of whatever kind they recommend for my exah (whether it be with an addiction specialist or a psychiatrist or both).

I do believe that this incident is going to change things dramatically...and for the better.

And again, I just want to thank you Ann for reaching out and all of the encouragement and love and bunny-toed slipper kicks you manage to dole out with obvious love and compassion in your 'voice'.

Much love
Mary

MrsMagoo

Ann, your posts are so gracious, wise and Godly. I love reading your input!

Ann

Kind words, thank you, but we all know it's much easier when "I" am not the one dealing with the problem. I too struggle sometimes, and it's the love and support I get here that helps me through the dark hours.
That's what works for me too. It's too easy for me to get complacent when my life is filled with light, and something that helps me enormously is to work through the 12 steps about once a year, because each time I do I am in a different place and each step helps in a different area of my life.

Limb, you have shown wonderful recovery through all this, your own light is shining brightly although it may not feel that way. This thread alone is such a good guide for newcomers to see how our recovery works for us always. Yes, our tools may get dusty, but we know where they are when we need them and it doesn't take much to get back on track.

Keeping you and your family in my prayers. God listens to even a Codie called Ann who has friends with outrageous names...like "outonalimb"

Hugs and Love

cinderellawkids

This must be so scarey for you. Ive always wished my estranged AH would get a psych eval, while being honest as his grandma is a diagnosed schitzophrenic and his mom recently diagnosed mixed bipolar (all the rest of there family members older than them are deceased, most by taking own life or alcoholism.)

You may want to ask the doctor what effect ending the suboxine (sp-sorry) and no alcohol might have. If there is an underlying mental health issue (even if the doctor doesnt see it) the issue can become quite rampant and known quite quickly.

Many people with these issues have long good periods betwen psychosis episodes, some enough to hide that's the real problem.

My best friends husband was recently baker acted and came out with schitzoeffective disorder, he became paranoid she was trying to kill him and chased all his job offers away. After 2 weeks in a facility and med regulating she says she has the man she married 15 years ago back...(its been 4 months and so far so good)

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Even though he may not have been on the pain meds for that last week of 3 - the damage may have been done and he may have been able to hide the "voice" from you. Voices are firghtening for everyone - especially the person hearing them and no one wants to share that. It looks like there very well may have been something directly (drug) related to his surgery 3 weeks ago. I hope that's the case because it looks like something that can be easily made to never happen again.

It would not be the worst thing in the world if he found lodging, maybe even a room for rent, elsewhere for a few months.

I'm glad you're finding your way through this and wish you the best.

CB

Chino

Meds, alcohol, and a prior episode made me think about and look up something else that hasn't been mentioned:

Because general anesthesia affects the nervous system, people with prior neurological problems may see them worsen.

Regardless, there are a whole lot of unanswered questions and are you comfortable with what you do know?

outonalimb

Honestly, Chino, No.

The last time this happened, the doctors kept him in the psych ward for three days, let him out, and basically said to me "the brain is a complex mechanism and sometimes we just don't know"...

Gee, that was reassuring. Even the experts were baffled? At that point, I had an exit plan to leave our marital home and divorce him so I shrugged my shoulders and focused on more important things.

This time, they seem to be doing a much more thorough evaluation. I've spoken with the doctors and there are still some unanswered questions but honestly, I need answers before I can make a decision.

Tam gave me a great idea...maybe the social worker can help me fashion some sort of a plan. If I'm not comfortable with him coming home, maybe there is a program that can help him with temporary housing or something.

So many unanswered questions.
I can't tell you what all of your support has done for me over the last several days. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul.

outonalimb

I might be talking to myself here. Some of you may have grown tired with this thread but I have to post this. Right here. Right now.

I let my recovery tools get all rusty over the last 2 years or so.
I started making decisions in my life based on what I hoped my exah would do with his.

Not anymore.

I've come to my senses.

My God, it might have taken a situation completely out of control and scary (like the psychotic break I posted about) but if thats what it took...so be it.

Went to see my exah in the psych ward today.
He just wants to get out and come home.
He's worried about a pre-paid trip he has coming up on Thursday to go and visit his cousin who happens to be a raging alcoholic.
He thinks he's going to walk out of that psych ward and life is going to go on as if none of this ever happened.

When I spoke to the nurse to ask what the discharge procedure was because, at the very minimum, I would have to know what caused my exah's mental break, what the treatment plan was, and what I could expect, I got a blank look and she actually said 'he's an adult...he'll be discharged when the doctors think he's okay to go'.

And I saw red, literally.

I told her that NO that wasn't how it would work.

Not when I have an 11 year old son at home.

Not good enough.

And then my exah looked at me and said I had just bought him a few more days in teh ward and 'thanks alot'.

And I turned on my heels and I walked out.

And a huge lightbulb with neon signs started flashing.

I finally came to my senses.

Exah doesn't get the gravity of this situation.
Whether he is capable of getting it or not I honestly don't know.
But I am DONE...absolutely DONE...trying to drive home the gravity of this situation.

I've done NOTHING but try to drive the gravity of his situation home to him for a long time. The alcohol. The prescription drugs. The heroin. But I might as well have been talking to a brick wall all these years.

I finallly get it. My God. I finally get it.

He is NOT coming home.
He is 44 years old and by god he can figure life out on his own from this point forward.

I've never completely let go. I divorced him and made a new life for myself but I kept my hands on the strings even if it was from a distance and tried to influence him and his decisions and although he's come a long way, he still doesn't get it.

Maybe he is incapable.

I honestly don't know.

but I am through playing social worker, therapist, nursemaid, cruise director, nag...

I'm done.

I finally get it.

And the reality of my life is right there before me in all of its splendor and all of its mistakes.

I'm not sad.
I'm not scared.
I'm not angry (well, maybe a little)...

I'm mostly just done.

From this day forward, my life is my own. I admit I've made mistakes but thats okay.

I hereby let go of all of my exah's 'issues' and I"m going to let him figure them out all by himself from this day forward.

I wish him well.

I hope he can get it together enough to be a part of our son's life. But if he doesn't, its all on him.

Wow.

I feel good.

I feel like a 500 lb weight has been lifted from my soul.
I almost feel like I could fly.

Thanks to all of you who shared this thread and this journey I've gone thru dealing with this difficult situation.

You all have a very special place in my heart.

wicked

outonalimb,

i am not tired of reading anything you have to say. this thread has been extremely helpful to me. thank you so much for posting it.

and wow! you got it now honey! i feel so good for you.
this is fantastic for you and your son.
let that 44 year old live the way he wants. you live the way you want.
thank god.
beth

Ann

I'm not tired either, good grief woman we're here for you anytime, but I am relieved that you are relieved.

I'd be angry at that nurse, but maybe that was another strangely wrapped gift...his reaction to what happened opened your eyes a little more.

I am so sorry you are going through all this, but sweetie, I see gifts everywhere here, even for him if he is willing to accept them.

Big Hugs

Chino

Not tired at all! This is a gift for anyone needing guidance, and a blueprint, too. You asked for and wanted help with a willing and open mind, heart. This is recovery and thank you for sharing it.

outonalimb

Thank you so much.

I know I probably sounded a little manic. A little fired up.

I guess I was.

I've calmed down but I'm not going to lose my sense of direction.

Hands off the addict works great.
It doesn't work so great when the addict is in a psych ward following a major bout of psychosis and you have a son with the addict and the world just assumes you will take him in when he gets out.

No.

Can't work that way.

I'm very frustrated with the social worker who wouldnt give me the time of day when I called up there to discuss my concerns yesterday.

The nurses attitude with me didn't help the situation.

Maybe my anger was a little misdirected.

The nurses comment that he's an adult was actually spot on correct. He IS an adult. And as bad as I feel for him in this situation, he's gonna have to figure out how serious the problem is and what he's willing to do to fix it. And he's gonna have to do it without me pushing him from behind. Someone dragged into recovery...whether its recovery from drugs or recovery from something like my ex has gone thru...just doesn't work. It has to come from within and i"m going to give him the dignity of finding his own path out.

As for me, I'll watch from a safe distance. A very safe distance.

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