Trin

Not only have I now discovered that my husband is using cocaine but is staying out late and lying about coming home, but have also discovered that he is gambling at the casino's again.

He was previously addicted to gambling and did the treatment thing which I did with him. Now I am dealing with two addictions and do not know what to do.

Has anyone got advice for me.

:wtf2

greebobeebo

Do you really want to go through all the stress and upheaval again?

I looks to me personally like he doesn't want to stop being an addict. You can't make him do something he is not prepared to do for himself.

Maybe you should concentrate on doing what is best for you. Sort you out and let him sort him out.

Ann

I agree that as sad as this is, only he can do what needs to be done to stop and that won't happen until he is ready.

Meetings helped me deal with my son's addiction, and more important they helped me deal with MY fears, need to try to control what was not mine to control, and helped me find my balance again. Maybe check your area and give them a try.

My prayers go out for both of you, it's a nasty road that addiction takes all of us down.

Hugs

happyboy

I am an addict, so I apologise for posting on the families board, but maybe my experience can be of some use. My addiction manifested in a gambling problem, and after banning myself from casinos in my area, and getting some counselling I stopped gambling. But I had not dealt with my addiction issues. I then took up a coke habit. Literally looked for another way to get that buzz. I eventually crashed and burned and lost my family. That was my rock bottom. I understood I was an addict, and the activity or substance was of no relevance. I sought help, and entered the NA fellowship, where I got clean. I have had one brief gambling relapse in 4 years, and address my illness through working a 12 step programme. I have my family back. It has not been easy, and I realise I need to be very careful about what I do and how often. be it a video game, sex, eating ,sugar. Man oh man I am an addict through and through.

I only changed when my life fell apart completely, and my wife kicked me out. That was my rock bottom, and I am greatful it was quite a 'high" rock bottom. But only when I realised how my gambling and drugs were connected to the core of myself, and that I was the problem, and not the drugs or activities, was I able to move forward.

I hurt my wife deaply, and it has/is taking a long time to build trust. I have to be VERY transparent as to my interaction with money, where I am, and have to accept that it is my actions that she reads best, my words are still not always valued.(due to past experiences)

I am making my amends within my family. We are closer than we have ever been, and I am happier than I have ever been.

My wifes strength, in being able to lay down boundaries and sticking to them is what helped me most. She drew a line in the sand, and when I crossed it I was on my own. She did not enable me, and never made a threat she did not keep.

Her stepping out of my way, and allowing me to fall hard, gave me the gift of desperation I needed in order to seek recovery.

Now I am clean, she has left my recovery up to me. She appreciates I need to get to meetings, meet my sponsor etc. This is not always easy on her. She occasionally asks how my meeting was etc, but made it clear to me when we reconciled that I was the addict, and I needed to do what I need to do to stay clean.

So its been up to me, and that has allowed me to make my journey.

She loves me very much. We are happeir than ever. But stepping out of my way, and letting me fall is what saved my life.

Thanks for letting me share on your board.