Please assist
 

Hi, I have just discovered that my husband is using cocaine and have read up on the symptoms of which he has them all. He accuses me of having an affair often which I am not and is extremely verbally abusive.

What do I do as he is hiding the stuff and cannot find it so I can confront him. He has sniffed it in front of a family member that is how come I know he is doing it. I need to find it and let him know that I know.

He previously had a serious problem with gambling and went through this whole thing of recovery and do not think I can go through this again.

What signs can I look for to know how addicted he really is.

You can only change you. We have groups for the family members called Naranon (for drugs) or Alanon for alcohol. See if there are meetingsin your town. I would just tell him I suspect it and that it is unacceptable, I can't live with verbal abuse or drug use in my life. You go to Naranon or Alanon (steps and principles are the same) and learn how to take care of you. You will learn how not to react (especially when he is using) and how to detach. I heard here you work the program you wish he would work. You will get alot of wisdom here and we are all in similar circumstances. You are not alone. Use the serenity prayer. If he is in the throngs of addiction he will not be rational. It is a physical allergy/mental obsession/disease/spiritual malady.......all the above. If he is abusive is there somewhere else you could stay?

welcome to SR, Trin!

Wow.
I hope you'll check out the stickies and contact nar-anon.

hi. Welcome. Please read all you can on this website.

And be careful. Cocaine can cause a syndrome called cocaine induced psychosis and it's very dangerous. Sounds like your husband may be suffering from it. The accusations of having an affair and extreme verbal abuse are very typical.

Please have a safe place to go and if you feel threatened, take it very seriously. Cocaine makes people crazy.

Protect your money. Put it in a safe place.

Hide your car keys and anything of value.

If you have kids - don't let him be around them unsupervised. Cocaine addicts make deadly baby sitters.

Remember this: You can't save him. He will NOT quit using until the consequences of using are worse that the cravings for the drug. For some people that never happens. So take care of yourself. Do what ever it takes to protect yourself from his addiction.

By the way - I have experience in this area - I am a former cocaine addict with 4 years clean and my son's father is a continuously relapsing cocaine addict. So I'm not just making this stuff up or trying to be an alarmist. Cocaine is a horrible drug that steals your soul and turns you into someone that you never thought you would be. It sucks the life out of you. When you are using, you are not human - you are a machine and the only thing that matters is more drugs.

cosigned,
Passion- former poly substance abuser (I spent many years abusing cocaine) and Hello Kitty is right on target.

trin,

just know that we are here to support you.

the isolation, and feeling that there is no one to talk to, is one of the worst components of living with an addict.

welcome to s/r. keep coming back.

Thank you for your advise. Can you tell me why it is that he is happy one minute and the next is in a really bad mood?

Because he's either high or not high but wishing he was.

Cocaine turns people into psychopaths (for real - they have done brain imaging that actually shows the changes in the brain when you are addicted to cocaine). And you can't reason with a psychopath.

You should definitely read all the stickies in this forum - especially the ones about boundaries and the one called:

What addicts do.

it's painful information. but so true.

Don't doubt yourself. You are not crazy. He is.