should I accept?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 131
should I accept?
well, ad has been in jail for 5 days now due to relapsing on crack. It's been a long 6 months of use. I have not heard from her until today. She called the house and my caller ID said inmate calling, I didn't answer. about an hour later my cell rang . I know it was her, again I did not answer. In order to talk to her I have to put money on an account so the call will go through. Am I horrible mom for just not wanting to go there? When she was in for 8 months I went through 200.00, took paper, stamps. She didn't make it a year. I asked her to go to meetings and sometime of recovery program, but she would not do it. She said she could do it on her own. We know the rest of the story. In a way I feel guilty for not being there as I know when she's caught that reality seems to set in, but once she's out it all "goes away". In a way I want to answer and then again I just don't want to deal with it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 583
kate
While I have a few more years before I deal with this I will say that she should come to you SOBER looking to make things right FIRST. She is in quick sand and going down looking to grab on to something. Do you want to go down with her or worse distract her from looking around herself and finding a way out, thus helping her die?
I don't believe there is an 'feel' good answer except to give her numbers to places that deal with addiction.
AG
While I have a few more years before I deal with this I will say that she should come to you SOBER looking to make things right FIRST. She is in quick sand and going down looking to grab on to something. Do you want to go down with her or worse distract her from looking around herself and finding a way out, thus helping her die?
I don't believe there is an 'feel' good answer except to give her numbers to places that deal with addiction.
AG
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Katie))) I don't think you're wrong. When my XABF was in jail, I wouldn't take calls from him, but as an RA myself, I felt the need to let him know how my life was going in recovery. I wrote him letters...just to tell him I still cared (and I did)...how things were going with me, and that I hoped he got his life together. He wrote back a few times until the time he asked me for money and I said "no". I did what felt right for ME.
NC is fine. She knows you still love her (I promise). However, if you feel like you need to tell her, I would probably write her a letter and tell her, along with telling her that you won't be accepting phone calls while she's in custody.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
NC is fine. She knows you still love her (I promise). However, if you feel like you need to tell her, I would probably write her a letter and tell her, along with telling her that you won't be accepting phone calls while she's in custody.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 131
thank you. I will sit down and write tomorrow and let her know i still love her, but this is hers. I do believe there are many beautiful people underneath the pain of addiction. We knew these loved ones before drugs took them away. Some of the kindest campassionate people I have met are recovering addicts.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Hi Kate -
here's another vote for you are doing the right thing.
I did something similar, and yes it does hurt.
Yes you do get guilty feelings -
but when that happens you MUSt stop and ask yourself -
'Am I doing the right thing?"
And you will know what the answer is going to be.
As long as it feels right in your gut - that's the direction to listen to.
here's another vote for you are doing the right thing.
I did something similar, and yes it does hurt.
Yes you do get guilty feelings -
but when that happens you MUSt stop and ask yourself -
'Am I doing the right thing?"
And you will know what the answer is going to be.
As long as it feels right in your gut - that's the direction to listen to.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
My 32 year old AD knows the next time she ends up in jail, there will be no accepted collect calls, no letters, no visits, no money on the books.
Been there, done that, got that t-shirt.
The last time she was in, the only communication we had was one visit that I made, and that was enough.
She spent the entire 30 minutes on the other side of the glass smirking at me, and telling me about her latest set of 'new' jailhouse friends she had made.
Been there, done that, got that t-shirt.
The last time she was in, the only communication we had was one visit that I made, and that was enough.
She spent the entire 30 minutes on the other side of the glass smirking at me, and telling me about her latest set of 'new' jailhouse friends she had made.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I took the calls, sent the approved books, paid the phone bills, drove 2hrs. every week to see him and listen to him tell me how everybody was doing stuff to him(pity pot), sent him $ for stamps, candybars, etc...., read his pity pot letters, lost sleep and weight worrying about him. He came home a bitter man and he has not gotten better. We divorced. I am good. Jail should have been a bottom. It wasn't. Nothing I did helped.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
yes, katie, you have nothing to feel guilty about. of course she knows you love her - you're her mother! i agree that writing a letter (without preaching of course) is a good idea. you can get your words out without getting discombobulated. and i would also include an addressed, stamped envelope inside of it, without a request to write back.
peace,
peace,
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
i would also include an addressed, stamped envelope inside of it, without a request to write back.
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