ThatLittleGirl

I posted some weeks back that I read "What Addicts Do" and a light came on for me...I don't know how or why...I guess it doesn't really matter. But a light came on that won't go off... So now I see everything as it really is...I can't put back on my "Rose-colored glasses" so to speak. Anyway, this has caused things to escalate with me and AH. We spent the day separated, not talking. Every night this week we've fought...because he's had three UA's come up positive for amphetamines... He keeps telling me it's false positives, and I keep responding..."whatever". To top it off, he disappears for two hours this morning and his cell phone mysteriously was working intermittently when he was supposedly just five minutes from our house getting a haircut and getting a few items at the grocery store... Again, whatever... At this point, I'm just trying to get my ducks in a row so I can sell the house and move in with my parents until I can get back on my feet. It's better if I don't see him...every time we discuss it, he makes it seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing...that they are false positives, but I will never believe him, so "it doesn't matter anyway"... I don't have 100% proof positive evidence, just a strong gut feeling and a history of drug abuse. Anyway, it's so hard now. I am making a decision to divorce my AH and take my daughters 5 hours away when the house sells... When he starts talking to me and making me second-guess... I hate it...but I know I'm moving in the right direction...it's just so difficult to see straight when you're in the middle of all the chaos....

Ann

Go with your instinct, you know what you know. All the signs are there and no, you are not out of your mind.

I remember so well my son trying to convince me that I was seeing what I wanted to see. How very wrong he was, I was seeing what no mother should ever have to see.

Making plans to move forward in your life is a good choice and much better than remaining with an addict who chooses to remain addicted in his.

We're here walking with you, you're not alone in this ever.

Hugs

Seren

You know what you know.....nice! Just offering hugs and prayers for you and your girls.

HG

ladyhawk69

Like Ann said...trust your gut, trust what your eyes see, trust your instincts, trust in your decisions and don’t ALLOW him to make you second-guess yourself.

Don't allow anybody else to make you second guess yourself either! Good job!

ThatLittleGirl

Well, we are now officially separated...I don't know where he's staying...he won't tell me. The truth is, I don't need to know... Sadly, I feel such relief...he's going to call this afternoon to discuss the boundaries, our daughters, what to do with the house...we'll see how that goes...I feel at peace. I can tell he thinks this is temporary...but I'm thinking more long-term. This time I will not let him back in the house without a completely negative UA. I want to watch his recovery from and distance, and he will not be allowed back (if I ever want him back) until he is in recovery for a long period of time. The thing is...I don't know (recovered or not) whether we should salvage a relationship as friends or more... I guess only time will tell.

I'm nervous...what if he looses his job??? What if he gets worse??? I know I just need to immerse myself in the steps and forget about his life...his recovery; I can't change it...I can't fix it. Anyway, thank you all so much. It's a roller coaster ride right now. I think I didn't want to get to this point because I didn't want to feel all these things that I'm feeling and go through all this muck...but I have to in order to get to the other side... And I can't wait to get to the other side!

atalose

Prepare for the worse and hope for the best. I've known too many woman who's plans included trusting the alcoholic/addict not to get worse or lose their jobs while in the process of separation and divorce.

Your plan should be one from the worse case scenario and hope it doesn't end up that way but at least you'll be prepared from the start and not shocked.

When I began my divorce process a wise woman told me to remember what I knew, my husbands past history of controlling behavior, his irrational accusations and his paranoia all of which WERE going to be heightened by a divorce he was unable to stop or control. So when he acted out I was not shocked or surprised but mentally prepared.