back again and confused

Old 04-06-2010, 03:32 PM
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Question back again and confused

hey all. not sure who remembers me but its been a long time since i have posted. i thought i had the strength to have fully moved on but it still lingers in the back of my mind at times so i wanted to let it out.

my ex who had left me last summer (coke addict, met a party girl) contacted me late november telling me he had made a huge mistake. he was sorry the whole 9 yards. we didnt get back together but we did start talking alot as he was pretty much saying the things i had wanted to hear for so long.. (funny how that works)
he had filled me in on what was new in his life.. the girl he was with was carrying his child and still partying (not planning on keeping it)
so as usual he goes m.i.a again and because we were not dating i didnt really get upset about it, however i did send the "hey you alright text" out of curiousity. he responded he was now back with his ex and couldnt talk to me.
i really hurt for a day but i got over it.
i didnt think id make it through christmas my bda( dec 24) his bday or anything but i did.. without a tear. i guess thats a sign of moving on?

In febuary i had a really hard month i was getting really upset thinking how great this relationship must be how exciting having a baby would be ect it was really bringing me down. after a really bad night of crying ect he CALLS i had no idea who it was. he told me he thinks about me all the time, missed me and thought he should call. he said he could never spend the rest of his life with this girl and just wanted the baby to be out already.
that was the last time i heard from him.... i didnt even know what to say. i never know if i will hear from him again and when he calls i just wonder what for?
am i supposed to have such jelousy issues thinking he is lucky to be happy living with a girl almost about to have their child and im alone and still feeling heartbroken?
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Old 04-06-2010, 04:57 PM
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Awww.. I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time.. I have been in your shoes.. wanting someone that obviously does not give a crap about me. There are two books out there that helped me tremedously.. "women who love too much" by Robin Norewood and Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It helped me see why I chose the people I do and helped me to learn how to set boundaries for myself and not let people treat me like crap.

he said he could never spend the rest of his life with this girl and just wanted the baby to be out already.
This statement alone tells me that this guy is a worthless POS and not worth the time nor energy that you are spending crying over him.

If I were you, I would either block his number or change yours.. No contact with this guy is the only way that you will be able to move on with your life.
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Old 04-06-2010, 05:06 PM
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IMHO:
He should be happy, but he keeps calling you and telling you otherwise. I bet you're better off without him. For a moment, put yourself in her shoes and imagine him calling his ex saying those things about you and your baby.

It's Spring! Put on something pretty and get out into the world where you just might meet someone better. Paint your toenails girl and stick them out in public! You're wasting these beautiful days and loads of energy wasting your thoughts on him.

Just my opinion.
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Old 04-06-2010, 06:38 PM
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lost,

sorry things got dredged up.

play out your fantasy scenario:
what if he called you and said "i think about you every moment; i can't get over you because i realize you're truly the one for me. i need you, and i want to try and rebuild a life with you."

what would you say? more importantly, how would you feel?
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Old 04-07-2010, 02:05 AM
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Ann
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He left you for her. She is expecting his baby and he's calling you, cheating in at least an emotional way.

Is this the kind of man you want? Taking no responsibility for his actions, not even caring about his own baby except that he wants it "out". Pfffffttttt....you can do way better than this, and deserve better.

When the fantasy of what might have been is filling your mind, take a good look at "what is" and move on. Good men don't behave like that, and there are lots of good men out there.

More important than any man is finding yourself, discovering your own dreams and happiness that don't depend on anyone to achieve. YOU hold the key to your happiness and don't need another person to help you unlock the door.

Hugs
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Old 04-08-2010, 08:19 AM
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My question is, what internal work have you done since he left you last summer?

Simply being physically separated from the addict isn't recovery for us.

I thought it was for a long time after I left the EXAH.
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