i need advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: freehold nj
Posts: 8
i need advice
Hello everyone im kinda new at this forum thinggg..
I just wanted to see if anyone can giv me some advice
My boyfriend has been addicted to oxys for about 8 months. he was taking up to 10 pills a day.He's def been lying that he's been taking them since weve been goin out. It got so bad he even stole from me. He stole my jewlery.that's the only thing he admitted. It got worse to the point that he started selling his own valuables in his home nd from his family. He told me he's gunna go to jail if he doesn't go to rehab. He just got in 2 days ago and he's going for 3 months. I don't know if its a good idea if I should still talk to him.before he left he said he wants to make things better between me n him nd I better visit him.idk if he's doing it for himself or he's doin it because he doesn't wanna go to jail.
also idk how it works but i know if your taking them you have to detox.. and im 90% sure he was taking it the day before he left and he wasnt in detox he went straight to rehab... idk why he would lie about thatt..
I don't know what I should do.
I just wanted to see if anyone can giv me some advice
My boyfriend has been addicted to oxys for about 8 months. he was taking up to 10 pills a day.He's def been lying that he's been taking them since weve been goin out. It got so bad he even stole from me. He stole my jewlery.that's the only thing he admitted. It got worse to the point that he started selling his own valuables in his home nd from his family. He told me he's gunna go to jail if he doesn't go to rehab. He just got in 2 days ago and he's going for 3 months. I don't know if its a good idea if I should still talk to him.before he left he said he wants to make things better between me n him nd I better visit him.idk if he's doing it for himself or he's doin it because he doesn't wanna go to jail.
also idk how it works but i know if your taking them you have to detox.. and im 90% sure he was taking it the day before he left and he wasnt in detox he went straight to rehab... idk why he would lie about thatt..
I don't know what I should do.
ThatLittleGirl
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 273
I don't know if its a good idea if I should still talk to him - Well, what do you want to do? For me personally, I'd want some space to reset with all that's happened and try to figure out what I need as I move forward...take that time if you think it would be helpful to you. That doesn't mean you can't visit down the road...but maybe not right away...sounds like he's going to be there for awhile.
I better visit him - I'd only visit him if it's something I want to do...if he's an active addict, he's in no shape to be making these demands...
idk why he would lie about thatt.. - I'd read the sticky above titled "What Addicts Do"...it was invaluable to me in understanding my active addict husband and the reality of the situation...
Stick around this forum...there's lots of wonderful people with much more experience than I who will be able to help you...read the prior threads...knowledge at this stage in the game will be invaluable to you!
I better visit him - I'd only visit him if it's something I want to do...if he's an active addict, he's in no shape to be making these demands...
idk why he would lie about thatt.. - I'd read the sticky above titled "What Addicts Do"...it was invaluable to me in understanding my active addict husband and the reality of the situation...
Stick around this forum...there's lots of wonderful people with much more experience than I who will be able to help you...read the prior threads...knowledge at this stage in the game will be invaluable to you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
idk why he would lie about that
i didn't understand what it was he lied about. but...
he prob didn't need to go to a detox. they will take care of him.
and...
there's this trick that addicts do - it's called "tell a portion of truth, and it will put their mind at ease that i'm telling THE truth."
mine told me about a relapse he had, AFTER i was badgering him to confess about using. he told the story about him shooting up, and going into od. his buddy had whatever it is they shoot into you to save your life. it was dramatic, and true. it was supposed to be. it was intended to shift the focus from "you are using now and i know it" to "yeah, i did use some months ago, i almost died". also he said during that conversation that it was the LAST time he used. the first part was the truth, the second was a lie.
i didn't understand what it was he lied about. but...
he prob didn't need to go to a detox. they will take care of him.
and...
there's this trick that addicts do - it's called "tell a portion of truth, and it will put their mind at ease that i'm telling THE truth."
mine told me about a relapse he had, AFTER i was badgering him to confess about using. he told the story about him shooting up, and going into od. his buddy had whatever it is they shoot into you to save your life. it was dramatic, and true. it was supposed to be. it was intended to shift the focus from "you are using now and i know it" to "yeah, i did use some months ago, i almost died". also he said during that conversation that it was the LAST time he used. the first part was the truth, the second was a lie.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
The best thing you can do is immerse yourself into your own recovery from the effect his addiction has had on you.
Look for Naranon or Alanon meetings in your area. Alanon is more widely available than Naranon.
Get yourself a copy of the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It was a real eye opener for me.
Let him work on his own recovery without distractions.
Welcome to SR, and know that you are among friends who understand.
Look for Naranon or Alanon meetings in your area. Alanon is more widely available than Naranon.
Get yourself a copy of the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It was a real eye opener for me.
Let him work on his own recovery without distractions.
Welcome to SR, and know that you are among friends who understand.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 220
Boy, does your post take me back......to the FIRST time my XAH went into residential rehab. I was shocked at first, but then I came around to the idea that it could be a very good thing for him so I "supported" him wholeheartedly.
Now, I want to warn you about something. If he stays in the program, and gets detoxed, he will start having needs. Clothes. Cigarettes. Mouthwash. Etc, etc. And who will he turn to to have his needs met? YOU!! That is where I got hooked back into his loop. I had lots of hope that he had beaten his addiction, and I was determined to help any way I could. It wasn't long before he had me running in circles to do his errands. And then it was changing my work schedule so I could come on visiting day. And then it was becoming his sponsor so he could get out now and again. And then it was talking to his brother to get him a job so he could go on work release, and then it was hiding his car when he came home on work release even though he wasn't supposed to, and then it was spending my savings to contract with his brother (and him) for them to do work at my house on the weekends so that he could get out then too... Catch my drift here? He pulled my strings like I was a puppet. Hope made me easier to manipulate than ever!
Meanwhile, back at the rehab center, he had figured out that all he had to do was hunker down for his time there, talk the talk, hoodwink the staff, and pretty soon he could get back to his old life, his old friends and his old habits, and that is exactly what he did. It was only a matter of weeks until I caught him smoking meth RIGHT IN MY HOUSE!!!
I had literally enabled him into failure!!!
The second time he went to rehab, I cut all strings. No phone calls, no letters, no packages, no sponsorship, no visits, no nothin'. If he was really going to take the whole thing seriously, he HAD to know that it was for him and him alone. He wrote me letter after letter telling me that he could not "make it" without me.......well, the first time, he hadn't made it WITH me. I figured that if he made it this time, it was going to be because he really wanted to be clean, not because I made it easy.
The epilogue is that he got out in 2008, and to my knowledge, has been doing well. I totally believe that me getting out of his way made the difference between failure and success.
No advice here, Hope, just telling you how it worked for me.
Good luck.
Babs
Now, I want to warn you about something. If he stays in the program, and gets detoxed, he will start having needs. Clothes. Cigarettes. Mouthwash. Etc, etc. And who will he turn to to have his needs met? YOU!! That is where I got hooked back into his loop. I had lots of hope that he had beaten his addiction, and I was determined to help any way I could. It wasn't long before he had me running in circles to do his errands. And then it was changing my work schedule so I could come on visiting day. And then it was becoming his sponsor so he could get out now and again. And then it was talking to his brother to get him a job so he could go on work release, and then it was hiding his car when he came home on work release even though he wasn't supposed to, and then it was spending my savings to contract with his brother (and him) for them to do work at my house on the weekends so that he could get out then too... Catch my drift here? He pulled my strings like I was a puppet. Hope made me easier to manipulate than ever!
Meanwhile, back at the rehab center, he had figured out that all he had to do was hunker down for his time there, talk the talk, hoodwink the staff, and pretty soon he could get back to his old life, his old friends and his old habits, and that is exactly what he did. It was only a matter of weeks until I caught him smoking meth RIGHT IN MY HOUSE!!!
I had literally enabled him into failure!!!
The second time he went to rehab, I cut all strings. No phone calls, no letters, no packages, no sponsorship, no visits, no nothin'. If he was really going to take the whole thing seriously, he HAD to know that it was for him and him alone. He wrote me letter after letter telling me that he could not "make it" without me.......well, the first time, he hadn't made it WITH me. I figured that if he made it this time, it was going to be because he really wanted to be clean, not because I made it easy.
The epilogue is that he got out in 2008, and to my knowledge, has been doing well. I totally believe that me getting out of his way made the difference between failure and success.
No advice here, Hope, just telling you how it worked for me.
Good luck.
Babs
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: freehold nj
Posts: 8
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hey thank you guys. BABS, thanks for telling me that. by you tellin me that story is very close . i feel that he knows im weak . when you said u had to see him around ur work schedule to visit him . thats so weird u say that because i cant even visit because i work saturdays and the visiting hrs are only saturdays so i cant make it. if he really wants to help himself he wont fuss about me not seeing him bc he knows i work. so i guess ill just stick to writing letters.
he just called me yesterday hes only allowed one phone call a day. and he actually admitted to me that he used before he went. he went into rehab and ended up tellin the nurse he used because he withdrawels were so bad. they put him on 12 mg suboxin.
when i said idk if i should talk to him or not. - i honestly do love him and wanna be with him still. deep down hes the guy i always wanted, but his problem was so bad. and now its a 50/50 chance . i wrote him and said this is his last shot. he stole from me twice and if his problem starts again after rehab i cant do it anymore. he told me he wants to start fresh wen he gets out he;s planning on goin to a half way house after and theyll help him get a job .i hope hes not tryin to manipulate me and come out and use again.
once again, thank you everyone for the advice
he just called me yesterday hes only allowed one phone call a day. and he actually admitted to me that he used before he went. he went into rehab and ended up tellin the nurse he used because he withdrawels were so bad. they put him on 12 mg suboxin.
when i said idk if i should talk to him or not. - i honestly do love him and wanna be with him still. deep down hes the guy i always wanted, but his problem was so bad. and now its a 50/50 chance . i wrote him and said this is his last shot. he stole from me twice and if his problem starts again after rehab i cant do it anymore. he told me he wants to start fresh wen he gets out he;s planning on goin to a half way house after and theyll help him get a job .i hope hes not tryin to manipulate me and come out and use again.
once again, thank you everyone for the advice
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 63
Welcome to the forums!
I might be naive, but might be a great start that he went to rehab. He doesn't necessarily has to relapse when he's out, you can only hope that he won't. And yes, the opiate withdrawals are horrible indeed.
But there was a part of an answer here that jumped into my eyes, and is so true
sadly, you can't really tell when they do that, when they're telling the truth or when they lie completly.. it requires alot of skill and experience and they still fool you, so be careful. Addicts are very talented liars, and manipulators also
I've been inlove with an oxy addict (long distance) for over 2 years (well, he's been using for 10 years), but I don't know how I would cope with him stealing from me.. BUT if he really decides to get better, you should defintely support him and be by his side, he will need you around. If he keeps using after going out, it's all your decision how you cope with it. I truly hope things will get better for you. *hugs*
~D.
I might be naive, but might be a great start that he went to rehab. He doesn't necessarily has to relapse when he's out, you can only hope that he won't. And yes, the opiate withdrawals are horrible indeed.
But there was a part of an answer here that jumped into my eyes, and is so true
there's this trick that addicts do - it's called "tell a portion of truth, and it will put their mind at ease that i'm telling THE truth.
I've been inlove with an oxy addict (long distance) for over 2 years (well, he's been using for 10 years), but I don't know how I would cope with him stealing from me.. BUT if he really decides to get better, you should defintely support him and be by his side, he will need you around. If he keeps using after going out, it's all your decision how you cope with it. I truly hope things will get better for you. *hugs*
~D.
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