detaching200

Couple weeks ago I got drunk (I know irony) and to make a short story boring I told the ex he could come over. I tried to take it back but of course it was too late. He came over, we did what we did. I apologized for drunk dialing him, told him I wasn't trying to eff with him, that I had simply gotten lonely and needed to be close to someone that cared about me. I told him there was no trust, we could never be together. He called last week (I didn't answer) and said his bail is being revoked (he's out on bail for felony assault) because the grand jury had looked at the photos of his victim. I guess he didn't go back to jail, but I don't know why...
anyway, I have to admit I'm lonely. My life is hard, but I can handle it. I don't want or need someone in my life to take up my slack, but I am sad. I feel like I'll never be loved again, and I want to be loved. I've reconnected with someone I knew in high school and I'm really really interested in pursuing something with him. Trouble is I don't think anyone normal and responsible will want me. I'm overweight and I have 2 kids and no one wants me. I'd rather not open myself to the pain of rejection and just be by myself. I feel like I'll never have anyone ever again..no one to snuggle up on the couch with, no one to talk to, no one to hold me at night, no one to care for me when I'm sick, or when I'm old. I can live without it, but I miss it. I want to be able to trust someone enough to tell them how I really feel and I don't think I ever will. Every time my guard drops the least bit, I go back. Not because I love him, but because he is familiar and I know he loves me, or at least he thinks he does.
Thans for "listening." I'll be ok eventually. I chose this path, and I know it's for the best, and I know I can handle it. I just get tired of being strong all the time.

racaple78

I know exactly how you feel honey. I am in the same boat as you......two kids, feeling lonely, don't know if I'll ever meet someone again. It is hard, especially when you miss and care for someone and yet also want to move forward with your own life. I would say, just take each day one at a time, and try each day to do a little something nice for yourself...and don't be pessimistic about the future. Do the best you can, enjoy life with your kids, and let the future come to you. Single mothers find love every day, I know it can for you, and I hope it can for myself as well. Take Care. :ghug3

Ann

Change is hard and some days it feels easier to just go back to how we used to be. Sad thing is, that leaves us stuck, just like an addict who keeps using.

I'm probably old enough to be your mother, so I'll use the experience of time to suggest that you have painted a dark and bleak future for yourself here. Snap out of it, ladies. If that's what you project, then that's what will happen.

OR...you could do something about your self-esteem and learn that the key to your happiness is not held by anyone else, you hold it yourself. Take time to learn to love yourself, take time to learn to be happy all by yourself, and take time to be with friends who are just friends and who treat you well.

It can start with a coffee with an old girfriend you haven't seen for a while. Or finding a hobby that will take you outdoors and walking (I found photography and just love it), or join a club where people share an interest with you...I challenge you to find just one thing that will take you out of yourself and into the world, for even an hour.

Meetings helped me. I made friends who understood me, I got out with healthy people, and I learned to laugh again while having coffee after the meetings. Maybe give one a try.

Your life will take you where your dreams suggest. Take time today to dream, to think about where you would like to be 5 years from now and then take a first step toward getting there.

Mama sized hugs.

ThatLittleGirl

I understand how you feel...I'm living with my active AH for who knows how much longer...but we've not had a "real" relationship for years...more like roommates that fight. Anyway, I'm feeling more than ever the urge to move forward with my life so I can meet someone who I can have a real relationship with...who will be a friend and a partner. But I also recognize I have a lot of work to do on myself before I can make that happen in a way that is long-term and not just a short-term fix to fill the void. So, I've started trying to focus on me...eat healthy, actually use my elliptical machine, work my steps...make me whole again!

You see, I have had three failed long-term relationship (two marriages), all with men who for one reason or another needed me for something. I didn't realize I was looking for those type of men, but statistically speaking, there's no way I could have found three different men all with a need I felt I could fulfill. I do not want to do that again because I can look back and see the long-term outcome isn't fun...it hurts.

So, maybe doing something for yourself will help to ease the void. I set goals for myself with weight, exercise, my step work, etc.. I feel like when I reach those goals I can look around and see what I need next in my life...but it will be a whole lot healthier me...so by default, the choices I make, be that a relationship or whatever, will be healthier too!

Satya

I am a single mother with 2 kids, and I am overweight as well. Prior to ex getting with his current girlfriend, we were on again off again for years. Even recently when they were broken up for about a week we spent some time together. I also fall into the trap of feeling hopeless.

All humans have needs, to varying degrees, for support, companionship, friendship, love, sexual expression, etc. (as well as many other needs.) By recognizing and honoring your needs you can then be empowered to fulfill your needs in healthy ways. By turning to your ex to meet your needs, as you know, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Take time to explore the needs you are trying to fulfill with ex, and then explore other ways that you can meet those needs.

Like Ann said This is your journey of healing and self discovery! Make it fun, and enjoy the ride!