AskingWhy

First time post on this side of the board and I'm just looking for some advice/answers.

When you meet a person of the opposite sex who tells you that they had a meth addiction seven years ago but from all outward appearances show no signs of an issue now (holding a steady job, being a responsible parent, paying their bills and taking college classes) - how do you determine if they are being honest/sincere about whether or not they have conquered their addiciton?

I hear and read "once an addict always an addict" but also find stories of people who have led very successful lives after recovery.

My basic question for those of you here familiar with addiction, in particular meth, is what do I need to be looking for if I continue to become friends, and at some point, more involved with this person?

Can meth use be hidden or if this person is using will it still be or become obvious over a short period of time?

Should I just cut the cord now and run like hell or is that being unfair to someone who has potentially turned their life around?

I've begun to educate myself on meth, it's symptoms of use and habits/effects it causes. But I'm looking for real life stories from friends/families of addicts to help me out....all advice appreciated and totally respected!

Thanks.

cmhcali

Can I ask why if a person has been sober for 7 years you are wondering this? Is your gut telling you they may be using? If that is the case you have come to the right place. In my opinion if his actions and words say he has been sober for seven years and he is continuing to work his recovery than he may have recovered (it will always be work). I am a recovering alcoholic that has 21 months and I have no desire but work on my recovery and it comes first. You can tell with me that I am serious about it and you should be able to tell through his actions if he is serious as well.

Hope this helps and welcome.

Freedom1990

Addiction is progressive, and I don't know of anyone who can hide meth use for long.

I was an IV meth user. It almost killed me. I was taken to rehab weighing 109 pounds (I am 6' tall). I was pregnant, had blown out all the veins in my arms, and was so weak I could hardly hold my head up.

Last August I celebrated 19 years clean/sober.

I've raised two daughters on my own for the most part.

I'm finally getting my college degree and am enrolled full-time. I will graduate with two associate degrees at age 52.

Recovery is possible.

AskingWhy

Thanks so far for the input/advice. Again, I stress, I have only recently met this person. My gut really doesn't know what to tell me as I have no real experience ever being around someone who is a recovering drug addict. I do, however, believe that people can remain sober by "working at it". This person seems/appears to be serious but I also have read enough to understand that addicts will lie about anything to you if they think you can be of benefit to them. So it's sort of a weird spot I find myself in.

I do have co-dependent behaviors as well from a previous relationship (with an alcoholic) and I recognize these behaviors. In some ways, I have seen them rear their ugly head in this new friendship and have to wonder if the other person has noticed them and is playing on them as well. Paranoid? Maybe. Cautious? Definitely. Both eyes wide open?? YOU ABSOLUTELY BET. That's why I'm here asking for your advice/input.

I'm inclined to give this person a fair chance based on what I've seen and heard so far. But, I also don't want to move fast and need to know what others have experienced as I educate myself.

Thanks again!

cmhcali

Definitely keep posting and take it slow like you said! I know I am totally codependent and will jump right in with no boundaries. It is good you recognize this behavoir in yourself and are willing to work on it.

AskingWhy

You're right...it is as much about recognizing my own behaviors as well as the OP's....as stated I have codie tendencies and OP is a recovering addict. Once again I have stumbled upon a similar situation. Why is that? I don't think I seek these kind of people out but I do think once I am told or find out how they are I tend to go right into "codie mode", and I do recognize it this time around.

Still, can addicts who are actively still using meth hold down a steady job for several years, raise a family, take college classes and literally appear to have it all together? From all that I'm reading and learning the answer to that is no...but I wonder if there are occasional people who can? At least for a while?

stilllearning

Hi Askingwhy,

My ex told me early in the relationship that he had "problems with meth" more than a decade ago but had stopped and never looked back. I had a horrible gut reaction to this but he held a job, had graduated college since then and seemed steady and well adjusted. Over the course of a year he turned out to be an alcoholic - he kept it hidden to the point where I never saw him drink but he went on major, major benders about once a month and would go totally off radar.

I guess my question if I could wind the clock back would be - how did you stop using (meth isn't easy to just "kick") and do you have a program of recovery? Mine seemed to have switched alcohol for meth. He has never achieved any kind of long term abstinence (although he seems able not to drink every day) and doesn't have any kind of program of recovery.

Someone once told me that after you become a pickle you can't just to back to being a cucumber - this applies to all addicts and alcoholics re: all substances that affect the central nervous system. Just my two cents worth. I guess I would want to know more before I made a decision but I would definitely be on the lookout for red flags.

SL

AskingWhy

Thanks so much StillLearning...that's EXACTLY the kind of stuff I'm looking to hear/read. Anyone else care to share your experiences/advice to help me out?

And, what would be examples of "red flags"?

Freedom1990

If he doesn't have some sort of recovery program in place, I'd be very leery.

I'm still very active in my 12 step home group. I have a sponsor, attend meetings, and am treasurer for our home group.

tchappy

Still, can addicts who are actively still using meth hold down a steady job for several years, raise a family, take college classes and literally appear to have it all together? From all that I'm reading and learning the answer to that is no...but I wonder if there are occasional people who can? At least for a while?

Yes some can hold down a job and still do meth even on a daily basis. My ex addict boyfriend was a meth user. He told me when we first met on the 1st date that he had been clean 2 yrs and would never go back to that....come to find out a year later he was high on meth that night he told me that. He held down a job but was very irresponsible.

I would just take it slow and keep your eyes open for the signs of meth use. I do know it can be hidden. It was hidden from me for at least 6 months. But we did not see each other on a daily basis.

Good luck and just take it slow.

jerect

If you have to ask yourself the question "Should I run like Hell?" then by all means you should run like hell.

Callie

I agree with jerect. I've been burned pretty badly by my addict though. I would never, ever become involved again with someone who had past problems. Maybe not fair to them, but it's fair to me.

hello-kitty

If you have to ask....





(then yes. trust your gut.)

stilllearning

It's hard to pinpoint red flags - I guess for me I can only say that I should have paid more attention to mood/energy level swings. I'm never going to know how much he was drinking and when but in future I'd keep an eye out for any kind of extreme behavior (at times in the beginning he seemed almost manic and I thought he was just an enthusiastic person..)

I would also be more aware that it's totally possible to switch addictions - that encompasses drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping and sex. Risky or thrillseeking behavior of any kind in someone who "used" to have a problem (or anyone, really) would be a major red flag to me these days.

My ex seems not to know what to do with himself without a rush of some kind in his life - if he's not getting it from a substance or a person, he'll create conflict - which seems to give him the same sort of "high."

Don't know if that helps - I just read up on meth for the first time in a long time and I'm actually wondering whether he was using again. He would crash so hard after a binge - not like a usual hangover - and be totally exhausted and limp for a few days.

Wow.

AskingWhy

Thanks everyone! Based in part on what you guys have written here, plus what I've personally observed in the OP, I'm gonna be running like hell...pretty damn fast.

tjp613

Bravo. Way to take care of yourself!

AskingWhy

Here's what has made my decision; I have witnessed OP using other substances which makes me realize they are not "clean" and may have indeed transferred the addiction elsewhere. Also noticed a dime sized raised flat area on the inside of OP's leg that they could not explain but I recall being a kid and having a friend who was a diabetic and took insulin shots and would have those kind of places in the same spot. This leads me to believe OP is or has recently been shooting up in some way. And I have also found out at least one lie, or at least half spoken truth. This all equals disaster, even if it means nothing, my gut says get the hell away.

Satya