cessy68

Hi guys, (from the seemily unaffected Cess).

Yea, right. Until today.

Long and short of it-- the down side of a pill-addict not having pills on Sunday.

Sleepy all day on couch.

Grumpy.

everyone else LIVING around him.

We ALL eat a dinner, (italian, that took me 7 friggin hrs. to cook)
AND RUDE ba***** gets up from the table, claiming, "not hungry", after a few bites, and goes back to the family room on couch, with all of us still there eating!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and the family room is open to the kitchen/eating area, all one open floor plan there).... so I HAVE NO CHOICE but to sit and stare at him in utter disgust.

We get done, yep-- I clean it all up. EVENTUALLY he has to bring HIS worker home, (who was doing handyman work around the house today, and ate w/ us)... so he's out dropping him off now.

FURIOUS.

In addition, Cess fell into 'control' mode, (or so I kinda think), where as I told him earlier, (before the dinner rudeness occured),that I'm 'sorry' his pills aren't available today, but that I don't think MY friggin' life has to be contingent on pills (meaning all is FUN and GREAT when *** has his pills).....

He said, "I HAVE DONE NOTHING TODAY!!! YOU ARE NUTS!!!!"......

To which I agreed., and said: "Nuts. Nuts, nuts, nuts. I said, "oh hon, really,,,, I believe you haven't done ANYTHING today, clearly that's obvious. Cause you are being a p****! Furthermore, I'm NUTS for letting you THINK that I don't know what's going on, but guess what hon.... when your zipping around costco w/ me, singing, and laughing, and being productive, IM WELL AWARE that you are poppin pills and THAT P***** me off! I can stuff it down, and let you do your thing..... but it still infuriates me deep down, because it just means nothing is authentic with us. Then on days like today, your a D***, and I let it all out--- because I'll be d***** if your 'commin down' behavior is going to ruin my day. "

I don't know guys....

Sometimes, I cant just live my life and be happy-- (and let go of what he is doin or not doing)-- SIMPLY BECAUSE HE'S TAKING UP MY OXYGEN IN MY HOME! F that!!! If he wants to lay there like a bump on the log-- it would be fine, but he's in the middle of our home!!!! I want the radio on, I want to sing, and clean, and cook, and laugh.... Not watch a re-run of the friggin' sapranos for the 50th time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

I'm sorry this was so long, and that I'm kinda going off the deep end.

Any suggestions?
Any simalar feelings?
Any kicks in the butt?

Thanks,
Love,

Cess

cessy68

Hi guys, (from the seemily unaffected Cess).

Yea, right. Until today.

Long and short of it-- the down side of a pill-addict not having pills on Sunday.

Sleepy all day on couch.

Grumpy.

everyone else LIVING around him.

We ALL eat a dinner, (italian, that took me 7 friggin hrs. to cook)
AND RUDE ba***** gets up from the table, claiming, "not hungry", after a few bites, and goes back to the family room on couch, with all of us still there eating!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and the family room is open to the kitchen/eating area, all one open floor plan there).... so I HAVE NO CHOICE but to sit and stare at him in utter disgust.

We get done, yep-- I clean it all up. EVENTUALLY he has to bring HIS worker home, (who was doing handyman work around the house today, and ate w/ us)... so he's out dropping him off now.

FURIOUS.

In addition, Cess fell into 'control' mode, (or so I kinda think), where as I told him earlier, (before the dinner rudeness occured),that I'm 'sorry' his pills aren't available today, but that I don't think MY friggin' life has to be contingent on pills (meaning all is FUN and GREAT when *** has his pills).....

He said, "I HAVE DONE NOTHING TODAY!!! YOU ARE NUTS!!!!"......

To which I agreed., and said: "Nuts. Nuts, nuts, nuts. I said, "oh hon, really,,,, I believe you haven't done ANYTHING today, clearly that's obvious. Cause you are being a p****! Furthermore, I'm NUTS for letting you THINK that I don't know what's going on, but guess what hon.... when your zipping around costco w/ me, singing, and laughing, and being productive, IM WELL AWARE that you are poppin pills and THAT P***** me off! I can stuff it down, and let you do your thing..... but it still infuriates me deep down, because it just means nothing is authentic with us. Then on days like today, your a D***, and I let it all out--- because I'll be d***** if your 'commin down' behavior is going to ruin my day. "

I don't know guys....

Sometimes, I cant just live my life and be happy-- (and let go of what he is doin or not doing)-- SIMPLY BECAUSE HE'S TAKING UP MY OXYGEN IN MY HOME! F that!!! If he wants to lay there like a bump on the log-- it would be fine, but he's in the middle of our home!!!! I want the radio on, I want to sing, and clean, and cook, and laugh.... Not watch a re-run of the friggin' sapranos for the 50th time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

I'm sorry this was so long, and that I'm kinda going off the deep end.

Any suggestions?
Any simalar feelings?
Any kicks in the butt?

Thanks,
Love,

Cess

cessy68

why did my thread post twice? sorry guys?

CAPTAINZING2000

Just curious

What's his family like? Is that the way it is at his mother and father's house?

suki44883

Sounds like that really sucks. Just curious why you put up with it?

Done_With_It

We always have choices, even saying that to ourselves is really unhealthy. Not trying to sound harsh or anything, but our brains believe what we say. We almost always get to decide each day what kind of day we are going to have.

You can live your life and be happy...


As long as you are living with a using addict life is going to be hard and not the one you want. You are giving his addiction so much power over you.

Why don't you turn on the radio? cook, do what you want to do? his misery doesn't have to control the level of your hapiness. I know it's easier said than done, I live with an alcoholic myself who can be the worlds biggest jackass. The days I miss an entire nights sleep because of them,

What can you do for yourself? What about taking classes? or joining a gym, dance classes, etc. There is so much out there you can do.....

I'm sorry you are having such a bad day. Sending you big hugs.....

cessy68

Thanks for the hugs....

I did have the music on, (the stereo is hooked up to the big screen t.v.... in the family room that is open to the kitchen and eating area).... he just walked on in, and laid down, and shut my music off and started watching t.v.

I told him he was selfish, and he said, "I get one day off all week, aren't i entitled to watch t.v.?"

Also, heres my schedule....

Work in finance 48 hrs a week.

In one of the top schools (college) with a curriculum beyond comprehension) 3 days a week, (with at least 3 days of homework involved)

The gym, (3 mornings a week)

Kids... 24/7 (except when they are with dad)--- and they are teenagers, so I'm running to ball games, droppin off /pickin up from friends.

Have my own social agenda, (with the girls).

Sooooo, I do certaintly have my own life, and i'd like MY OWN RADIO on, In MY OWN house, when I WANT..... w/out him putting his own agenda first, (as usual!)

Hrgh.



Love,
cess

cessy68

wouldn't know.... I don't get to go there..... apparently his parents don't want to meet me. (they are loyal to the ex.)

Yep -- just another nail in the coffin of this retarted relationship.

Love,
Cess

(p.s. according to the bump on the log downstairs) -- parents have always been mother is codie, dad was a bad drunk. (sober now). Dysfunctional upbringing..... brothers came out the way he did, (w/ addiction issues) his sisters are ok.

Chino

What can you do to make that happen?

cessy68

haha. I know Chino, I know.

Why does everything have to be up to me? I got so sick of the in and out thing in this relationship, I had decided to 'let go'..... and let be.

Things haven't bothered me in a while, and today.... well it just came to a head.

Typically it's not like this, (but I guess it just goes to show, that typically he is using pills) and can be a considerate member here.

I guess that even though I knew... I pretended that there is no problem. Then eventually something like today happens.

I guess I could end the relationship--- then what?

I'll be sittin on SR whining about how 'sad' I am. But why? -- or maybe not. Maybe I'm at the end of my rope.

Sucks. this really sucks.

Love ya,
cess

wicked

cessy,

I guess I don't know what to say. For some reason, I thought he was out of your house?
How often does he run out of pills? Why do you allow his misery to affect how you are living?
With your schedule and responsibilities, why have him around at all?
Do you still love his "potential"?
Beth

Wow, I wish I had someone to make italian (spending seven hours on it).
I would have the grace and good sense to appreciate it.

meditation

When you were asking why everything had to be up to you I think the answer is that it is you that is unhappy, apparently he is just fine. So unless you keep it status quo, then it stays the same. If you are the unhappy person then it IS up to you to make changes to gain peace and happiness. I will tell you bluntly that as long as I denied I was an addict nothing changed. I was sick of being a victim of addiction. Victimhood is something you have power over.
Now if you want to stick with this status longer get an Ipod and plug in earbuds and listen to music that is not relying on what goes on otherwise in the room. Make plans, for yourself to have a nice day without him in it. I think your schedule and his is exhausting, I would probably still be in the bed trying to rest up lol. My dear hubby is not a addict or alcoholic, I'm the RA and we compromise all the time about who gets to watch what program or who gets the stereo or whatever, it just is something we work out. If he's tired I plan my day for something else. You don't have to be a victim, and I say that because I don't want you to have to suffer anymore than you are. My thoughts are with you.

Chino

cessy, I had to come back and ask another question: did he ask you to spend seven hours cooking for him?

coffeedrinker

Aahhh, I think Chino named something here....those darned expectations. I have heard it said that an expectation is a future resentment.

This is what I think: you decided to detach and live your life fully to the best of your ability, with the sitch with this man. But perhaps, what you were really doing all along, was stuffing: the anger, the disgust, the dissapointment.

What I have found, is that even when my expectations are low, I try to live and let live, not get all judgemental, and get pleasure in the good times, one little thing, like leaving the dishes in the sink instead of washing them, can really set me off! When I find this happens, I have found that those resentments come right up to the surface, and trivial things become huge.

Ann

Oh my, I'm not Italian but I have friends who are and I KNOW that cooking is "love" and to reject a meal is to reject love and that is worthy of a kick in the butt, yes indeeedeee.

It's hard to let go when the room is filled with negativity and rudeness. And sometimes venting just helps clear the air, at least for us.

I have no suggestions, but I have a lot of big hugs because living with addiction is just hard most days.

Hugs

wicked

Yes, Cessy this was something else I meant to say in the other thread.
It was just wrong for him to "reject" your loving efforts to have a nice dinner together.
And, I would still appreciate anything cooked for me, I don't like to cook. Grill, yes!
Clean up? Yeah, I will be honored.
Beth

justtired

Haha. This make me laugh... cuz isn't that kind of the point??? Abf has done this very thing to me very recently. Well, one time it was because his "nose burned" and nothing tasted good so I made a very nice dinner and he couldn't eat it. And the other night I asked if he wanted to eat and he says "it's up to you". Um... no... I don't believe it is. Anyway, so AGAIN I made a nice dinner and he then proceeded to let it sit there on a plate in front of him for 3 hours while he urgently typed up an "addition" to his medical records in effort to find a doc who will work with him.

Yeah, Cess - a lot of us have been there... and understand your feelings on this. This is why I don't get how people CAN live in peace and be happy while staying in a relationship with an addict (although apparently some people do). Because it DOES interfere in your life. I guess you CAN choose to be happy and content despite these little episodes. But why stay and have the life sucked out of you by all of the negative energy?

justtired

I just noticed the double post of this. Good luck keeping up on them both Cess! LOL

outtolunch

It's not his home. It's not his stuff inside the home. Those are not his kids. He's a week to week border and pays you rent to sleep on the couch on Sunday, with Tony in the background and in your bed, each night. He's married to someone else.

That you have a FT job, attend school, cook and clean and have parental duties are your choices/obligations, not his.

That you want a nice family dinner on Sunday is your deal, not his.

Oh yeah. He's addicted to pills and doing what addicts do. But you already knew this.

Your expectations and anger suggest that you are not done running the fantasy that you have control over him and the outcome.

Freedom1990

I couldn't have said it better myself.

My home isn't a bed and breakfast for any addicts/alcoholics, and hasn't been for some time.

I don't have some slug laying on my sofa watching tv while I cook.

I don't keep company with people who are all chipper and helpful because they are stoned out of their gourds.

I don't compromise my beliefs, values, and self-worth for the sake of monetary help on my monthly expenses. I did that for 2 years and was dying inside.

My home is just that...my home.