And We're Off and Running!

Old 03-20-2010, 04:25 PM
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And We're Off and Running!

Literally! WARNING.....ANOTHER LONG STORY!! GET COMFORTABLE!

I don't know if I told you the latest in the continuing saga of the grandaughter and babies, but here goes:

As you know, she left her 5 month old baby with the father and his mother & father, because she had no place to go. She left the 2-1/2 year old with the paternal grandmother, which she wasn't suppose to do because social worker didn't approve of her.

After doing this, she found she could come here with us and, then, went to get baby back, but father and father's mom refused to give child back.

She then went to begin filing paperwork to get full custody of child; however, didn't have enough money to buy packets or make copies. That's where CODIE comes in. She called looking for money like 30 dollars to finish paperwork and take public transportation. I at first refused, but then decided to send her 50.00 in the event she needed something to eat as well.

I knew what I was doing, but decided to give her "rope!" She would either climb the rope or hang herself. Well, after she picked up the money, she went missing for two days! Missing, in that she didn't call me as I asked her to, and worse of all didn't comply with social worker rules....call in let her know where she and babies were. She knew about the 5 month old, doesn't concern her 'cause state doesn't have him under their jurisdicition.

Social worker called me several times to see if she had called me. Also called the other grandmother, who told social work she had seen her a couple of days before. She did not tell her she had the little girl.

Long story short, I left a message on her phone saying "THIS WAS A TEST TO SEE IF YOU WERE SINCERE AND TRYING, OR IF YOU WERE JERKING ME AROUND. GUESS YOU DECIDED ON THE LATTER. I DO BELIEVE YOU WILL NOW SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF THE CHOICE YOU HAVE MADE!"

Got a call back immediately! Sorry, sorry, sorry! She said she was so stressed out over the paperwork filing, and the father's refusal on giving baby back, that she gave up! Said, everyone tells her she's no good anyway, so she has decided to just let the children go, as they would be better off without her.

I simply said I understand your frustrations; however, you have to keep on going and keep on trying for the children's sake. Quitting is not an option!
However, if you really feel they would be better off without you, so be it. Call your social worker on Monday and tell her.

If you change your mind, and decide you want to move forward and start climbing out of this big hole, let me know.

She is a chocolate mess! Seriously, she is so beaten down at this point that she just wants to throw in the towel.

When she called me back today, she said she wants to dig her way out! I told her she could still come here, if social worker will even let her now, where she will go into an outpatient program.

Once she gets a response from the court and court date, we will face it together. The father doesn't work, lives with mom and dad in a one-room apartment, so I figure with us on her side she may have a better chance of getting baby back.

I actually don't feel she did a bad thing leaving baby with father, since she had no place to go. At least you thought about the baby's comforts!

Anyway, one way or the other, with or without the mother, 2-1/2 year old will be here next week.

Wish us luck!

hUGS, dEVASTATED
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Old 03-20-2010, 04:38 PM
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Awww, Dev, she's a tricky one, this gal. I really hope she finds her balance and ends up okay, and in the meantime I am glad that the kids are safe.

Be careful, my friend, and if you end up "on the run" remember your friend in Canada...but just know that I don't DO diapers.

Hope all goes well, and will keep you all in my prayers.

Hugs
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Old 03-20-2010, 05:41 PM
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She got your $50 and fell in hole, it seems. Somehow, she heard you shout down in there and may just have a chance. You are one amazing lady!!!

Hang in there and keep advocating for those little ones. You've been a steady voice in all this and it seems they still need you.

In awe,
Alice
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Old 03-20-2010, 06:13 PM
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you all are in my prayers.
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Old 03-20-2010, 06:15 PM
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I do diapers, Dev, so you can drop those babies with me while you run away to Ann's

Seriously, bless you for being there for those little ones - It sounds like you are going into this with eyes wide open and won't let her pull the wool back over your eyes. I hope that knowing you want to give her a change will make your grand daughter rise to the occasion and keep digging out.
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Old 03-20-2010, 09:14 PM
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Dev,

Praying for you and your granddaughter and the kiddies! If you do run and need a place to stay on your way to Canada, drop by here! I don't do diapers either but I have lots of room for ya!
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Old 03-21-2010, 09:51 AM
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Hi Dev, Thers times when we all feel theres nowhere to go ...put drugs and alcohol into that equation and its really got to be confusing to someone thats alone. Your gd made another mistake but lets hope its maybe one of her last. I wish you luck with the 2 year old but I love my grandbabies to death and know that you will have plenty of smiles along the way. You and your hubby are good people to step in and give this child a safe, happy enviorment to grow in. Hugs and smiles, Bonnie
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Old 03-21-2010, 10:10 AM
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Thanks for everyone's support in yet another mess I've gotten myself in!!

Incidentally, Ann, I've been banging on your door but you're not answering!! Where are you? In any event, I left my "baggage" at your door and would appreciate you're picking it up and keeping it there with you till I return!
Wow, I feel so much better now that you have my "baggage" and I'm vacationing on that quiet island.

Kidding aside, I promise you I will not make the same mistakes that I did with my son. In the first place, since we've been estranged for so many years, I don't feel that "burning love" I did for my son. Therefore, I am not going to be ruled by my heart, but more from my brain this trip. If she screws up this "free lunch" she's out of here! I already told her 3 strikes and she's out.

However, if I see her making an effort to clean up her act then we will go the distance for her. Right now I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt in that she has been struggling on her own since she was 15 years old, and has never really had a stable home enviroment. Let's see what happens when she feels safe. Let's see how she reacts to sanity instead of constant stress.

I wanted to ask what you all thought of "SMOKING!" Mr Dev and I hate it! Oh, I did it for years, but quit when this g.child was born 21 years ago. Now she tells me she smokes. I said, we didn't like it inside or out, and would she quit? She didn't think so. I told her we all have to make sacrafices and that's a small sacrafice to make in exchange for living with us. Do you think I was too quick to "lay" down rule #1?

Anyhow, to tell you the truth when she contacts the social worker tomorrow the social worker may just say, little girl goes but not you!! Don't know until then. Only know that the little girl is definitely coming. Baby don't know about till court date.

I'll bet you all wish you could spend your "golden years" like me huh? Well, if you play your cards right you may! LOL

Hugs, Devastated
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Old 03-21-2010, 10:15 AM
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I'll bet you all wish you could spend your "golden years" like me huh? Well, if you play your cards right you may! LOL
No, no, no. I will leave my baggage at your door!
bwa ha ha ha ha <evil laugh>
No grandchildren yet, I think I will leave the country when this last one is out of high school.
6 months maybe.
okay, i guess i really couldnt do that, but a woman can dream right?
:rotfxko
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Old 03-21-2010, 03:04 PM
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Smoking's a tough one, Dev. At my house, we have a rule, no smoking indoors, but people can smoke on either of two patios. We ask that they take an ashtray with them and dispose of the butts themselves when they come in, and wash the ashtray when they are done.

As a closet smoker myself who has quit many times and found it hard even though the past many years I hardly smoke at all, I know how hard it is and I think I'd deal with one problem at a time.

But you know, it`s your house and your boundaries to make. And if you and Mr. Dev don`t like any smoking on your property, it`s your right to call the shot.

How is that for a wishy washy answer

`Maybe` is my final answer, Regis.
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Old 03-21-2010, 03:13 PM
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`Maybe` is my final answer, Regis.
I absolutely, positively agree on "maybe". and that is my final answer.
(i smoke too, yuck)
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Old 03-21-2010, 07:04 PM
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Well, as I live and breath not one, but two smokers!

I am an X smoker. Smoked for 35 years and 3 packs a day!!! How is that for YUK! I quit, as I said before when this grandaughter was born so 21 years ago. I have the start of emphazema, but doc said it wouldn't get any worse!

It took me two weeks to quit. I used the patch for one week only then took it off. It was really difficult without the patch, but not with it, I took it off 'cause it was made me feel ill.

Ok, so maybe I'll lighten up on the smoking and do as you say, Ann. Bring an ashtray and put butts in it!! Then wash the ashtray! I guess there's bigger problems to worry about than that huh?

Thanks for helping me reach a SOLUTION, Regis! You've been a great help. LOL

Hugs, Devastated
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Old 03-21-2010, 07:44 PM
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The patch worked for you Dev?
I havent tried anything yet, but, if I could get this monkey off my back, I would be rich!
Rich, I tell you!
<shhh>
Don't let the kids know, it is how I will make my escape.
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Old 03-21-2010, 08:55 PM
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(((Dev))) - first of all, I wanted to say that the fact that she called you back IMMEDIATELY after you left her the message about "this was a test..." shows that she IS trying (IMO) - she knows she messed up, but she respects you enough to call you back and keep trying. If she didn't want to try, she wouldn't have called. That REALLY stood out to me.

econdly, as an RA who has just recently quit smoking AGAIN, using the patch, I had to hang on to the cigs for a while. They were like my security blankie, when I was trying to learn how to live my life all over again after giving up the dope. It sounds like you've "maybe" thought of a compromise, but I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents.

Your granddaughter and the great-grands are truly blessed to have you and Mr. Dev in their lives. Keep us posted!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 03-21-2010, 09:15 PM
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Hi Wicked:

Yep, the patch worked for me and that was 21 years ago. I was a serious smoker too!! 3 packs a day. I'll bet I lit a cigarette every 15 minutes and smoked it down to the nub! I loved smoking! So, if I could quit anyone could quit!

When I quit, I would put away the money like I was still smoking. With that money I bought on lay-away at a jewerly store, a 14-K gold diamond watch. It is a Concord and costs me $1,400! I still have it and wear it every single day. I love it. It's beautiful, and it doesn't mess up your lungs.

I cannot believe I was hosting and wreaking of cigarettes! Now, all I have to do is pass by someone and I know whether or not they are a smoker.

Well, Impurfect, my grandaughter better thank you for your imput here because now I definitely will lighten up about that little habit! For a while anyway!

She has to call the social worker tomorrow morning, and she just called me crying because she's afraid they are going to take the little girl away since she didn't check in for two days.

I told her if they did do that, they were going to place the child with us here anyway. She's very distraught because now the father of the child is hiding out with the baby, and not letting her see him. He filed custody papers saying she abandoned the child. I told her once she got settled I would do everything possible to help her regain custody. I don't think she abandoned the child. I told her she did the right thing asking him to take baby until she could find a place to stay.

OMG. Oh well, we will see what tomorrow brings. I know the social worker is furious with her, so God knows. Once she gets here I will give her a few days to settle in, and then we will get her into an out-patient program.

Too bad, she couldn't have just hung on for a little while longer and could have avoided this mess with the father and father's mother.

I'll keep you all informed.

Hugs, Devastated
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Old 03-21-2010, 09:35 PM
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(((Dev))) "for a while" sounds good to me. BTW, I used the patches to, and they worked just fine for me.

Hugs and prayers to you all!

Amy
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Old 03-22-2010, 09:21 AM
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((Dev))

prayers that all is going well today as your granddaughter faces Social worker and that she has to do to take those steps on the journey of reclaiming her life!!

also prayers of strength, courage and WISDOM for you and Mr. Dev!!

And on a side note - I just gotta say as a non-smoker and a grandmother of nine (which is a lot of diapers) - it baffles me how you can smoke but not do diapers!! Doesn't smoking damage your sense of smell? apparently not huh?

I'd rather change diapers than be around cigarette smoke.

bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

again Dev - praying God's best for all of you!!!

HUGS,
Rita
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Old 03-22-2010, 11:33 AM
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Just found out social worker is off on Monday!!

Spoke with grandaughter last night and she is scared to death that they're going to take 3 year old from her; however, they will place her here if that happens.

Next big concern is father of baby 5-mo old refusing to give him back to her. He lives with his mother & father in a 1-bedroom apart. and he doesn't work, father is ill with cancer, only mother working.

I am in the process of writing a letter to the judge that will be reviewing the custody case in the hopes that he may agree to leave physical custody with gd. He said in his custody filing that she abandoned the child.

In her defense I do not believe she abandoned the child, but left him when she had no place to go after leaving the grandfather's. Hope they don't take him away from her. I will go with her to any hearing, but want the letter in the file ahead of time.

Little do these people know that we CODIE's know all about the court system and how it works. Thank goodness for all the experience huh? LOL

Will keep you informed.

Yes, I'm with you, I'd rather change diapers than be around smoke! YUK!

Hugs, Devastated
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:40 PM
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((((dev))))

my thoughts and prayers are with you. god bless you for being amazing.
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:54 PM
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Hi Bookmiser:

I sure don't feel "amazing!" I feel more like a glutten for punishment!

I am prepared for whatever the grandaughter tries. Going to be just a little more difficult to pull the wool over my eyes now. I didn't go through all these years with my son, and the last 8 years on this forum and not learn something.

Yep, I may have been born at night, but not last night!

Hugs, Devastated
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