jacksdaughter

OMG I saw it in his face last night at dinner that same look, the sleeping all evening into the night and then to confirm what I was pretty sure of I found my whip cream can in the garbage with no aersol left (don't know what he does with that) but that has happened a few times before and only when he's home. He used to leave it in the fridge that way, now he actually threw it in the garbage. I know I have to say something .. I am just heart broken thought he was doing so well. ...

jacksdaughter

Well I had two one was the girlfriend could no longer sleep over, she could visit but go home. The second was he no longer could live with us if he was using... He's not young going to be 29 next month..

teke

sorry about all of this, sometimes they do seem to catch us off guard and when they do, its very disappointing and it hurts, i do understand. do you have your boundaries in place?

remember nothing you say will make a difference if he wants to use and you do have to do what you have to do to protect you. keep the focus on you and don't second guess, he might even deny that he ever even seen any aresol can. i pray that its a false alarm though.

jacksdaughter

Thanks Teke, I'm pretty sure it's not a false alarm. I just don't know how to approach it or what to do now. Like I said he has seemed to be so really good for a few months now and I've been going along thinking all was well. But I just knew it yesterday I came home and found him upstairs lying on the couch watching TV looking sleepy. Did come down and had dinner with us looking like crap and immediately went back upstairs and didn't see him again the rest of the night. Seems to me he has just wasted all of his
20's on a drug it so senseless.... Never every thought this would happen to him or to either of my children for that matter. Don't know why I thought that but I really didn't see this soming. Now that I know I feel like I have to keep on top of it or something ...

Chino

I think that's why anvil asked what your boundaries are. You have a consequence but are you ready to enforce it?

teke

since you are sure, you know he may say whatever he has to, to protect his addiction and to avoid any consequences. be prepared. what you do is up to you but remember boundaries are set for a reason. you may have to pray for strenth and follow through with those consequences. i know its better said than done. maybe a meeting will help right now, you think?

hello-kitty

What to do next? Enforce your boundaries.

It comes to a point when allowing a drug addict to live in our home hurts them more than helps them. It protects them from feeling the full consequences of their actions.

It also makes our lives a living hell because we have a front row seat to their addiction.

My rule was "i do not allow people on drugs to live in my house."
My consequence was "if I even SUSPECT drug use, you will be made to leave and not allowed to come back."

i had to use the word SUSPECT, because addicts will lie their little hearts out to manipulate you and protect the comfy little enabling world they live in.

He's 29. He's not 19. Being responsible for his actions should be a given by now. Don't feel guilty for not enabling his addiction and giving him the opportunity to support himself like an adult. Addicts are resourceful. 29 year olds are resourceful. He'll figure it out.

PS. sucking nitrous out of whip cream cannisters IS a drug. It's kind of like sniffing glue and you shouldn't need anymore proof than that.

Freedom1990

There is your answer.

I kept it short and sweet after my 32 year old AD stepped over the boundaries I had in place when I took her in temporarily.

There's the door. End of story.

She's still not allowed in my house.

Taking5

Have him read this if he will:

a true huffing story

Other than that all the stuff about protecting your boundaries is great advice.