jdh

The PAIN to see your son as a "crack addict". To prefer crack over his life, his job, his children. A good provider to a no-provider. A good father to a no-father. To lose everything he has, jobs, family, possessions to crack.

It never ends and today I have to admit to myself that he will always be a crack-head. I will shortly see him on the streets because he can't pay his mortgage because he runs to crack. Job will possibly be gone today also. I will not take him in my home again.

He has a new wife and a new child on the way. Forgive me God I told his wife last night she should get an abortion (against my belief). I cannot watch another child be subjected to the life of a crack-head father. I can't do it anymore.

My feelings today: I never want to see my son again!

Hurtbad2505

I wish I knew what to say, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I'm a mom of a heroin addict and believe me, I know the feeling of hate/love/fear. I think peace only comes to us when we do accept we are powerless over our childs addiction and hand them over to God and pray that His plan is one of life and recovery.

Chino

I've felt the same way and there were times I prayed that the Creator would take her back, for all of us. I'm so glad that prayer went unanswered. Just for today she's sober and working a recovery program, and I see parts of the daughter I used to know.

Love hurts and I'm sorry you're in pain

JMFburns

I also feel your pain and know too well the feelings of love and hate.

I have thought many times I wish my son would just go away and I would never hear from him again...if I could just have definative proof that he is using, then I could turn and walk away...if I could just say the "right" thing to make him want to leave drugs behind.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, it is left to us to get better, find our own recovery from our children, to find support to turn our children over to God and let them go. I'm not perfect at it heck, not even good at it, but the strength and support I receive here on SR and in my NarAnon and AlAnon meetings has helped me.

Maggiemac

I am sorry what you are going through I know what you mean. My son was a herion addicted. I say was because he died of a overdose in 08. I miss him so much because his whole life was not drugs. He was a great person good father until drugs made his life a nightmare. He did try and clean up several times but the hold a drug had over his life was strong. Put him in Gods hands and don't let him back home. Don't let the drug drag you down.
Praying for you,
a friend
Maggiemac

teke

i'm a recovering crack addict with 8yrs clean, but it took for my family to walk away and leave me to my own destruction, before i could see for myself how out of control my life had become. that bottom helped me to get ckean and helps me to stay clean and sober. i do understand the hate and anger too its ok but try not to stay angry too long. try to keep the focus on you and know that there is always hope.

as long as he's breathing, he do have a choice and so do you. my ah passed away last month and that took away both of our choices. take care of you and turn him over to his hp, he knows how to get your son where he needs to be and the road he needs to take to get there. i pray that god leads, guides and protect him and strength, peace and serenity for you.

wicked

jdh,

i just wanted to say welcome to Sober Recovery.
You will find a lot of people here who understand and talk to you about your pain.
It is awful, I know.

Beth

hope213

i feel your pain.it is the same story for my crack addicted son. he is now pulling a 7 yr prison term. 2 yrs down 5 to go. he also lost everything. there is always some one there to put them up for the nite. there is also some one there that will put them up & let them get clean & sober. let go of him, it is hard but it is best. let go & let god. there is nothing u can do for him. i am saying a prayer for you & him. i am so sorry.

Spiritual Seeker

" he will always be a crack-head " You don't know this. Keep hope + faith that he can recover.
" I will not take him in my home again " There is no need to second-guess this decision.

You are learning to detach...which is the best for you at this time.

Go back to finding your joy...
be patient, life goes on and things change in their own time.

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR! I'm sorry for your pain.

I thought I would "always be a crackhead", too. I could think of nothing but getting high.

I'm blessed that my family stepped back, let me fall and find a way to pick myself back up. I'm blessed that when I relapsed, I could say "I can't do this any more" and feel it, in every cell of my body. That was 3 years ago.

I truly believe, as long as they are breathing, there is hope. However, I also believe that, for me, I had to love the addicts in MY life from a distance and I need to take care of me.

I hope you stick around...you'll find a lot of supportive people who know what you're going through.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Nina Kay

Hi jdh. I'm so sorry for your horrendous pain. I'm the Mother of an alcoholic/addict too. Welcome to SR. I hope you'll keep coming back here often.

Hunny1116

(((jdh)))

My son is an addict, too. That's how I found SR. At one point, he had money in the bank, a home, a new vehicle, a good job. He has lost all of it, everything, and is now living on the sofa of a fellow addict....

He is slowly dying and I am powerless to help him. What has given me hope though, are the posts here from former addicts who have found recovery. What has given me strength is that their families stopped being responsible for them and detached.

It's OK not to want to see him. I feel that way sometimes, too.

It's heartbreaking, I know....we all know. SR and Alanon have been lifesavers for me.

:ghug3