Soleus

I haven't been seeing or talking on the phone to my ex for a month since his relapse in recovery, I'm trying to move on from. We were however, still sending emails back and forth occasionally. At first I was ok with it but then it snowballed, got to the point to where I was constantly checking my email, hoping to get something from him. We started emailing more and more. It started hurting and being painful also, it made me miss him a lot and wish we could be together.

So I finally realized I had to fully detach, this wasn't healthy even the little bit of contact was killing me. I did it! : ) I feel a little better already. His reply email made me a little sad- "I know you are going through alot of stuff, and things are difficult but if you change your mind and decide it was the wrong choice, i will be here for you.
I will wait as long as I can.... " and a couple of other things.

One day at a time. I can continue living my life and not taking away from it, like I was when I was sitting around waiting for an email from him.

Just sharing

MsPINKAcres

((Soleus))

Hugs to you - it's hard to step away and not be constantly waiting -

somedays I felt like I had "waited" my life away -

waiting for my exAH to get sober/clean
waiting for him to keep a job
waiting for him to quit lying
waiting for him to be the husband he kept promising he was going to be
waiting for us to have that marriage he kept talking about
waiting for blah, blah, blah

Finally I decided to start making some things happen for me - it was scary but very freeing

You are a very Brave!
Wishing you YOUR HP's very BEST!
HUGS,
Rita

JuneBug

I'm sitting exactly where you are right now. I'm there with ya one day at a time!

teke

i played that waiting game far too long so i do understand how you feel. wished i could have gotten there sooner but it better late than never, i guess. good for you but don't be surprize if he finds another way to try and get to you, so remember to keep the focus on you. you are in my prayers.

Soleus

Thank you! I can't tell you how helpful this forum has been finding people who know what I'm going through, and all the love and support that's here. Thanks so much it's made a world of difference!!

jewell614

I'm having a bad day too. It's so hard to not think of the addict. I'm thinking of him so much today. I hate this, and he is with sombody else. That angers me more than anything. I hate that. I hate that she enables him, and he is by her side. I invested so much time and energy into him.

I've suffered so much because I let him take advantage of me. I let him get away with so much, but I get lonely. I need some words of encouragement.

Duped

Gosh Jewel, you sound about as down as I am today.

Satya

I find myself getting attached to aex all the time. Unfortunately, because we have children together, I still have to see him 3x a week. This makes it so much harder. I have to continually detach. There have been so many times when I think that I have had enough and I am finished. Yet, we will have these great days together with the kids, and I will start to care and hope again. Sometimes I wish he could, just for a day, experience what it is like for me. He just doesn't get how painful it is for me, and I don't know that he ever will. All I can do is take some deep breathes, say the serenity prayer in my head, and as best as I can, let go. Then, when I get home, I come back here and remember why I am doing so. I remember that I am doing this for my children. I am doing this so that I can create some stability and sanity for them, in all this chaos.

Satya

I could have wrote your post myself.