want2Bfree325

I am a mess right now. I need to regroup and just gain my composure. About an hour ago, I was taking a shower and heard a knock at the door. I didn't go and check and thank God I didn't. I then received a voicemail from my exabf saying that he stopped by and that "he knows that I don't want to see him and that he loves me and he wanted to get his things". First I wasn't going to say anything but then sent to texts one saying how dare you come to my house and the other saying 'what did you want to steal more jewelry from my ma? more money from my daughter? or did you just want to find some more of our old checks and forge them? you never deserved me or the kids in your life and I hope you have a happy life without us'...but said if you want your things they'll be at the door. I am so angry right now and sad and just ugh, a mess. Knowing that he is out is making me really upset and just feeling a whirl of emotions at once. It was so much easier knowing that he was in jail and away from us. I have been doing so much better and I HAVE to keep going no matter what. There is no turning back but it hurts knowing he is out and about again. I don't know why it hurts so much more just knowing he is around. I guess it is time to really prove my strength by keeping the focus on me and not keeping any further contact after this. I just had to vent this out. I tried calling a friend but as usual lately, they are dodging me and I don't know why.

CAPTAINZING2000

Do you have any of his belongings there at your place?

Callie

Set them outside of the door and let him be. I know the panic you're feeling. Gather his things, gain your composure and continue NC. You see where 'contact' during the latest episode has caused you another 'panic attack' feeling. BTDT - it sucks. Remove yourself. Sorry you're going through this, but don't play into this.

want2Bfree325

yes, i have clothes of his (which I left by the door). He has a tv and a computer too but I can't lift that stuff as of yet. He only asked for his clothes though. He must have just gotten out. He can have that stuff too but he needs to tell me in advance so I can get it ready and put out by the door.

CAPTAINZING2000

Ditto

have a friend help you get it out of the house and have a friend or two over when, he's supposed to pick it up.

He is probably looking for a soft landing and you're on his list

Callie

He can have that stuff too but he needs to tell me in advance so I can get it ready and put out by the door.

Not gonna happen with an addict! There is no forewarning. Part of the MO is to blindside you I agree with Anvil, grab a neighbor, friend ANYONE to get his stuff on the porch, keep your doors locked and send him a single text saying you have until xyz to get it.

hello-kitty

In times of panic it's often hard to remember to slow down and breath. Try to approach things logically. I'm so glad you didn't answer the door. I'd avoid responding to any texts or phone calls, or initiating any more contact until you have a plan in place and moving forward - especially in regards to his stuff.

I have been in a similar situation and the only contact I made was a text message saying "do not contact me again. if you show up here again I will have the police escort you off my property." Then I ignored his efforts to get in touch with me completely and totally until I felt calmer and had a hold of myself and my emotions. People who have just gotten out of jail have a strong aversion to running into Johnny Law.

I found the best way to deal with these kind of situation was with my head and without any emotion except for self-preservation.

This too shall pass... if you let it.

want2Bfree325

You are right. I am going to get all of my pictures off of the computer tonight and then have someone help me get it out asap. Believe me, I don't want to drag this out. I was blindsided by him showing up here today. I had no way of knowing he got bailed but damn, I didn't expect this. I can't believe he would have the nerve to just show up after what he's done but as you guys said, addicts like to blindside you and here it is. For me, this is just a test for myself. I have come so far in the past month and a half that nothing is going to bring me back. I just have to experience the emotions, let go and move on. It is truly crazy how just one call can make me a wreck. I am better than this...

CAPTAINZING2000

That might not be a bad idea have his things ready see if, a local deputy can be there when, he's supposed to be there to get his belongings

teke

((((wanttobefree)))))

cmhcali

Sending you hugs and prayers. It is not easy but you are doing good. I know that feeling of anxiety. I believe my exabf gets out of detox tomorrow. I am busy all day and all weekend with friends. I prepared myself to have fun and not worry so I can be of maximum good to me. Keep it up (((hugs)))