justtired

Hi everyone - So, I think I did the right thing, but I feel guilty right now. Abf just left to go to a doctor appointment. He had a falling out with his last drug dealer, I mean, doctor.. and now he's trying to get his primary doctor to prescribe his pain meds. He wanted me to come with him and I told him that I still believe there's a problem and I don't feel comfortable going with. He turned it around on me and said that he can't work like this and that if he doesn't get meds because of me, then I'll have to run our business. I feel guilty because he was asking me for help, and I didn't give it to him. But at the same time, I just don't feel comfortable going with and "showing support" when I believe he abuses what he's given. He left and slammed the door and told me that he couldn't believe that I won't help him. I don't want him to be in pain. But I don't believe he has as much pain as he says he does. My instinct says to help someone who's hurting... I feel like just my being there would tell the doctor that I agree with what he tells him and I just don't feel comfortable with that. Now if he doesn't get his meds, he's going to blame me. I hate that he still makes me feel responsible. I told him I don't want to get in the middle of stuff anymore. Did I do the right thing?

laurie6781

Please re-read your post and substitute the word "ENABLE" for the word "HELP."

You will have your answer. Of course he left angry, you refused to 'enable' him to get more pills from his PCP.

You did good!!!!!!!!

Continue to trust your gut.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

hello-kitty

And you care because?

You are responsible for your own feelings. Not him. Feeling responsible for him is a choice YOU make. Just like choosing to be in a relationship with an addict is also a choice you get to make. Choosing not to be in a relationship with someone who acts the way you describe is also another choice you have.

justtired

I just write a response and it told me a security token was missing?

Sorry, just testing to make sure it works before I tried again!

justtired

Okay, so apparently that worked that time. Let's try this again...

Yep, Anvil, you hit the nail on the head!

So today, I feel good about yesterday. I finally was able to stand up the abf and say "no". I hate confrontation, so that was a big deal for me. I did not participate in him getting more pills, and that feels good. Stayed in my hula hoop and I'm hoping the more you do it, the easier it gets! It was hard for me to be the "bad guy", but I did it and survived. Imagine that!

So doc did give in and prescribe something for abf. It's called Avinza> it's extended release morphine in a capsule. Supposedly it's hard to abuse?

hello-kitty

Unfortunately, we don't just stop being an addict by switching our prescriptions.

All you have to do to abuse a time release morphine capsule would be to open it up and release it all at once, or take it more than you need it.

hello-kitty

Important information about Avinza

You may not be able to take this medicine unless you are already being treated with a similar opioid pain medicine and your body is tolerant to it. Talk with your doctor if you are not sure you are opioid-tolerant.

Avinza may be habit-forming and should be used only by the person it was prescribed for. Avinza should never be given to another person, especially someone who has a history of drug abuse or addiction. Keep the medication in a secure place where others cannot get to it. Do not drink alcohol while you are using Avinza. Dangerous side effects or death can occur when alcohol is combined with Avinza. Check your food and medicine labels to be sure these products do not contain alcohol.
Never take more than your prescribed dose of Avinza. Tell your doctor if the medicine seems to stop working as well in relieving your pain.

Do not stop taking Avinza suddenly, or you could have unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. Talk to your doctor about how to avoid withdrawal symptoms when stopping the medication.
Before using Avinza
Do not use this medication if you have ever had an allergic reaction to a narcotic medicine (examples include codeine, methadone, Oxycontin, Darvocet, Percocet, Vicodin, Lortab, and many others). You should also not take Avinza if you are having an asthma attack or if you have a bowel obstruction called paralytic ileus. Avinza may be habit-forming and should be used only by the person it was prescribed for. Avinza should never be given to another person, especially someone who has a history of drug abuse or addiction. Keep the medication in a secure place where others cannot get to it.

teke

(((((justtired)))))

you and your bf are in my prayers.

coffeedrinker

justtired,

yes, it does get easier.

the way i see it, you could have gone with him. you could have not gone with him. even if you just wanted to stay home and clean the bathroom instead, that's a legitimate reason. what i'm saying, is you can chose what to do. if going to the dr didn't feel like support, then that's valid.

those of us who are used to being manipulated feel a lot of guilt. it's a conditioned response. healthier people do not.

JuneBug

I read this thread and felt like I wrote it myself! Justred I did the same thing time and time again and those times I didnt go I felt the worst guilt.....but like everyone says it does get easier as long as you look after yourself and try not to let those little hooks get ya!

justtired

Thanks guys. Coffee - I think you're right when you say it is conditioned... but for me, it's only with him. I can tell anyone else no. And I can even tell him no most of the time. He asked me just the other day if I ever do what he says, and I said "No, are you just figuring this out now?". LOL But it's when he makes it seem so urgent. Like he NEEDS my help. It goes against everything in me to just say "nope, don't wanna". I think that wanting to help people is a good trait... it's just when that is taken advantage of by people who know how to manipulate and use that kindness against us.

For the most part, I think I'm a relatively healthy person. He is the only person who gets to me like that, so I think it's the relationship that is unhealthy. Me being in the relationship is unhealthy for me, and me choosing to stay as long as I have I guess makes me unhealthy. But I won't be there much longer.

As far as the meds go, yeah, he's already decided he doesn't like them. Yesterday I went to visit my brother and when I came back he kept putting his nose in his shirt. I asked what the heck he was doing and he tells me that his nose burns. Um, yeah, I think I can guess why that might be. Duh!

justtired

Thanks Anvil - You're right. I need to remember to use my logic when it comes to what is truly helping. When he makes something seem so urgent, it's hard to not feel the urgency along with him sometimes.

And about snorting the time-release stuff... yeah, I thought that was dumb too. But I'm pretty sure he tried it. It was at least a little humorous because he kept saying he was so hungry and everything tasted horrible to him. lol I don't know for a fact that's what he did... but what are the chances he didn't? Like always, I don't have any proof...

cessy68

Hey JT, you don't 'need' any proof, do you?

Does it really matter in the grande scheme of things? I think not........

At this point, I don't need proof that he is useing, or not. Bottom line is if I'm choosing to 'stay' in this relationship, it is what it is, what it is. (always knowing, or not knowing).

Just like when a man cheats on his wife, do you really need the 'proof'? I really think that what it all comes down to.... is how comfortable YOU are.
You know when things are peaceful and healthy. You know when they are not. Follow your gut.....

Stay away from his addiction. Let it go. If you choose to stay.... it's the only sane choice you can make.

Let him be-- and be good to yourself. It's amazing what happens when you really just let go.

Love,
Cess