Hammerhead

Well...well...well... As of February 25th... haven't seen ExAH... (Divorce has been final for a few weeks) it has been peaceful... with 3 exceptions... he called and left 3 messages. The first two messages he left on March 5th... they were just down right vile... spew...spew...spew...hate...hate...hate... (way too nasty to post content)... anyway... I did not respond... don't care to....

However... today he left message that he is coming here in the next couple of days to get his furniture "with or without you".... interesting.... I have new locks... how does he possibly think he's going to get his furniture?

Mind you I have no claim on his furniture and don't want it... I had a conversation and understanding with his family (2 states away) and they would like the furniture (has been in the family a long time and has sentimental value)... his family knows he is and hasn't been in any condition to get the furniture...

So he ends his message with "I've been down to see the Sheriff and I'll be there with or without you to get it"....

Puuuulllleeeaaasssseeeee...... I think I just flipped my switch.... I hate this man and I hate the chaos.... I can't wait to get him out of my life completely.

So here's the question... Since I've changed the locks... I think I have every right to (nicely) put his furniture on the porch and not give a big rats butt what happens to it... I'm not receiving a return phone call from his family... do I take that as meaning... not interested?

He may not like the fact that the divorce is final and his days of manipulating me are severely limited... What I do know.... is that my life is getting better without him!

Thanks.

suki44883

Since the divorce is final, I don't see a legal problem with setting his furniture outside, preferably in a covered spot, out of your way. You could text him that it's there for X number of days for his convenience. If it's not picked up by then, you will dispose of it as you see fit. I honestly don't see how the Sheriff would allow him to literally break into his ex-wife's house, regardless of what he said.

Hammerhead

Thanks!

I can't see the Sheriff allowing that either... really!

Babs

I think that as long as you act honorably, you will be okay. Put it out on the porch covered up. Put it in storage for a month and send him the key. It doesn't matter as long as you don't let him manipulate you into behaving badly about it.

I always found that I hated my XAH most when I would allow him to push me to the point where I was the one who lost it. Ugh!

Be calm, be kind and above all, keep your side of the street clean..........

The drama is almost over, Hammer!!!

Keep us posted.

Babs

Hammerhead

Babs you are absolutely correct... I'm loosing my cool cuz I feel like he's pushing me... and it IS up to me to behave (he's not going to)... and yes Hallelujah... I'm almost there!!!

**I think I can... I think I can... I think I can**

Thanks!

Babs

I KNOW you can....I KNOW you can....I KNOW you can!!

Ann

He may or may not show up to get it, or if he does, he may not actually take it...so if that happens, then maybe put it in storage for one month and send him the key.

You get so decide how to handle this. He gets to go along with you or lose his furniture.

Sometimes life is good

An alarm system is another good idea, in case he tried to break in...and because it protects you from harm from anyone. It may be worth getting for a year to try,

coffeedrinker

My moral compass would probably dictate that I call the family, simply as a courtesy, to let them know what you intend to do, that you know the furniture is important to them, and also what he said he intends to do (not the nasty part, just the facts).

I also think the porch is a great idea. I know that my x came into the house one day, after our divorce was final, and although I trust him, it gave me the heebie-geebies. I asked him to not just walk in w/out permission in the future, and he was agreeable.

Good luck, it's almost over

Hammerhead

I contacted his sister yesterday during the day... no answer... left message. I still haven't heard anything. The furniture belongs to his Mother (from his Mother's side)....

His sister lives in the same complex as his parents. His parents are aged... I don't want to bother them with the chaos... especially since I've touched base with his sister.

I'm going to move the furniture to the porch Sunday... tell him it will be available on Monday for pick up... and if it's not picked up by Tuesday.... I'll be putting it in storage.

Thanks!!!

suki44883

That sounds like the best idea. He'll have the opportunity to pick it up for a limited amount of time, and if not, the furniture will still be safe, but his responsibility, thus ending any need (excuse?) for him to be on your property. It's a win/win!

Hammerhead

I did forget to mention...then send the storage key to his sister...of course...if he neglects to pick up the furniture. If he brings the Sheriff... I can only hope he and his crew aren't slurring... that could be interesting.

Yes it is a win/win and that is a good thing. Winning stops the whining :rotfxko

suki44883

Yeah, that's still win/win. If he wants his furniture he can deal with his sister, leaving you out of it. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Chino

If the original "conversation and understanding" was with his parents, I hope you'll consider calling them anyway. Unless I'm suffering dementia, I don't want either of my adult children making decisions for me about sentimental stuff.

Hammerhead

You are correct... however... the wish of the parents was made known to me via the sister... their Mother and Father both have cancer and the (sober) siblings try to absorb as much of the crap as they can. So yes I do agree with you... just don't feel comfortable "bothering" cancer stricken folks with their 50 year old baby's problems... I'm comfortable and confident the sister can handle it.... she is the Executor of the estate...

I appreciate your thoughts... thank you.

teke

you and your family are in my prayers.(((((hammerhead))))))

Hammerhead

I still haven't heard back from his sister. I do trust her... however, I'm feeling funny since I haven't heard back from her. Should I contact his Mom and Dad today? I do want to honor their wishes... but I also want this craziness to end.

What would you do?

1. Send email to sister and parents letting them know of my intentions of placing furniture on porch today.

2. Call parents letting them know and confirming their wishes.**

3. Do as I stated above with no additional contact with sister.

I'm open for Ideas?

** I suspect the parents have been sheltered of the chaos... my fear is in calling his Mother and Father is that they will quickly generate a call to EX and in turn he will bring firestorm of chaos...

I'm looking for a resolution that consists of least amount of chaos.

Thanks.

teke

since he supposedly talked to the sheriff, is it possible that you could too? if only to find out what happens if he just walks into your home and start taking furniture.

kind of sounds like he may be grasping for straws, anything to get you all riled up. if its his parents furniture and the sister is in charge of the estate, why do you have to deal with him? if the sister is not answering, maybe she don't want to be involved with that drama. i vote for putting the stuff in storage and mailing key to sister. what does the divorce decree say about the furniture and about him being able to come to your house taking anything? do you have any kind of order of protection in place so that he can't just show up whenever he gets ready? just something to think about because even when you remove the furniture, its likely that he'll find something else to contact you about.

suki44883

I was under the impression that you had already made a decision about this. :wtf2

Hammerhead

I changed the locks the day he left (back in September)... so he can't just come waltzing in... if he gets in without me... he's breaking and entering.

All the decree says is that I'm storing said furniture for him. There is no mention of when, where, how for him to retrieve it.

I contacted my local township sheriff (Ex spoke with County sheriff) my sheriff says that my paperwork dictates what he can or cannot take... he did not reiterate anything about breaking in other than he probably wouldn't do that... I just said that it's impossible to determine what he'll do... that's why I contacted you (sheriff). Sheriff said he'd be back in town on Tuesday and would be happy to come if I needed him to.

Honestly I believe if he just shows up... he's already out of his mind half cocked and that wouldn't be in his best interest... public intoxication... if he shows up and he's not drunk or drugged out... I think he would be civil... you just never know.

Thanks.

Hammerhead

Yes... but his sister has not confirmed this action with me... I would feel a whole lot better if I had her blessings.

I understand that I don't need her blessings to move along with my life... I would just feel better.