Too much or not enough?
 

I'm wondering.....I'm not exactly sure yet how I am suppose to be supportive but not get in the way of my husband's recovery from addiction. It's only been a couple of weeks so I obviously don't want to get too excited but I am proud of him for making it through the worst of the physical withdrawals. I don't talk about it everyday but every now and again I will tell him he looks better or that I am glad he feels better. Sometimes I share an inspirational quote or Bible verse with him or try to encourage him by mentioning something positive that has, will, or might come out of this. This being the two week mark, I thought I might tell him I'm proud of him. I have read 'hands off the addict' and 'this is his recovery' but I do want to be supportive. Advice?

The best support is to "Keep your hands off the addict" because "this is his recovery".

It's our responsibility to work on ourselves so we are no longer a party to their addiction. No enabling. No controlling. No protecting them from the consequences of drug abuse.

Have you read "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew? It makes some good suggestions about how to talk to someone in recovery.

Remember that he needs to do it for him. Your pride in his actions is not going to prevent a relapse tomorrow. Maybe just tell him: I love you. I'm glad you're clean today.

Truth be told, I suppose I'm not all that certain that I WANT him to be here. At this point I don't truly believe it will work out for us in the long run regardless of the drugs. Too many issues, too much water under the bridge. Problem is I feel very guilty (due in part to my mother who was a co-dependent & enabler to my alcoholic father all of his life) about ending the marriage. She said just today "Well, if he goes back to the drugs AGAIN then you can put him out and no one will blame you."

I said "No one should blame me now!"

Still I feel like if I put him out & he goes back to pills that everyone (maybe even myself) will blame me. Probably shouldn't care, but I do. It's been drilled into me since I was a child that you take care of people you love, and yes, that even includes active addiction. I've got a long way to go.