JMFburns

I think of it as my own Crash & Burn . . .

-On Tuesday of this week I rode to work w/my adult daughter as she had clinical at a hospital not far from my downtown job, meant getting up an hour early. Tuesday evening she was inducted into Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society at her school. Nice ceremony, 119 inductees (largest # they’ve had,) very crowded, late night with dinner celebration afterwards. On Wednesday she had to be back at clinical, I rode with her again – didn’t get enough sleep at all – two nights in a row.

Wednesday (yesterday) my AS stopped by my job to visit (yeah right…) He is temporarily out of mental health medication & suboxone and coincidentally currently not enrolled in state funded health coverage. (He claims he is working on the health coverage, but it is a slow process.) So, you guessed it, needs some money to get some prescriptions to carry him for a couple days. I’m TIRED, frustrated, not liking his look lately, etc. do I walk away??? Of course not, I hand over the last $80 bucks I got in my account til payday (Monday) and tell him here, don’t bug me til payday. I’ve crashed and am sliding down the back side of the bunny hill that I had managed to climb in recovery and detachment.

I got home last night (still Wednesday, what a day!) and adult daughter had done something REALLY stupid, smoked some pot and was freaking out, paranoid, crying, laughing, etc. (She and a fellow student had gone together and bought the pot to try making pot brownies. They thought it would be fun to have a get together during spring break, play some games and try pot brownies.) I handle her mess for the evening; actually, she passed out in bed by about 7 p.m. so I was able to have my ‘lights out’ by 9 p.m.

I plan on standing back up, heading back to my Nar Anon and AlAnon meetings full-time, I had taken a break during Dec, Jan & Feb because adult daughter had back surgery and I was playing her caretaker. It’s time to be my own caretaker again and get face-to-face support, own up to my shortcomings and try, try, try to detach and take care of myself.

Wish me luck, say a prayer for strength for me, support for adult daughter that she learned her lesson, gets back on track and finishes up this semester of school to graduate in May, and support for AS that he pulls himself together and stays clean – I believe he had a good 8 months going, I hope he hasn’t messed that up.

Thanks for reading, Joan

Callie

Time to get back on that bunny hill and keep shoveling until you can make it a mountain that they can't climb. I'm sorry - I know how they can wear you down. One thing that I've learned is that they ARE resourceful and will get $ any way that they can. It's taken me a freaking long time to learn this but close the JMFBurns bank account permanently! Hugs, this is hard

bluebelle

Saying prayers for you!!

Chino

It’s time to be my own caretaker again

I think we're in the same place right now. Different circumstances but the same place emotionally. You all were right, this stuff isn't for weenies!

Hunny1116

((((Joan)))))

It's so easy for me, too, to let those wheels slip back into the old ruts. Especially when I am tired.

I laugh at myself alot because it seems to be "two steps forward and one step backward" at times.

But, at least there is forward motion...

Wishing you luck and saying a prayer for you, your daughter and your son.

Ann

Don't beat yourself up, Joan, sometimes it's just easier to give in rather than fight and most of us have done that somewhere along the way. You thinking today is pretty clear, so it sounds like you are on your way to better living.

I know that, for me, my relapses usually come when I am complacent...I think I'm doing well and don't need to focus daily on what I need to do to stay okay. Or when I am very tired.

Getting back to meetings is a good idea for getting back on track. I like to keep some good recovery daily readings around as well, just to recharge the recovery batteries a little more each day.

Keeping you and your kids in my prayers.

Hugs

coffeedrinker

You recognized that you had a bit of a "slip". You know what you need to do.

Good for you!

It does become a new way of life, for the most part, eventually.

I know I still slip up regularly. But it truly is two steps forward, one back.

JMFburns

Thank you everyone.

I know how much stronger I am when I have support through regular meeting attendance AND getting the rest I need. Wednesday truely was a red flag day for me, I should have held off even meeting with my son until I had gotten some sleep.

Now, I've acquired a cold!! Oh well, this too shall pass.

Thanks again for the posts and prayers, I do appreciate them.
Joan