He stole money from the kids...how to handle this?
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
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I love the ringtone idea. My 12 year old actually did that to my phone with my estranged AH. When AH would call phone would say "MOM, answering this call will only make you angry." The first few times it got a huge laugh out of me and I didnt answer.
As far as the money I hid for almost 2 years that my sons savings were stolen. A few months ago, he came to me and said mom just admit it, its not there, its ok.
I will say one thing for everything my AH stole from us, things were returned trifold-maybe not exactly money, but similarly, without anyone really knowing. I once wrote a post called everything but the kitchen sink...it was so true, one month 5 years ago I drove around with my microwave and vaccuum in my car trunk just so I knew where they were. A few months later the sink was actually taken for scrap (Id abandoned the house by then).
Last July my kids and I were down to 1 ten inch tv and an old vcr, all fancy equipment gone. Today we have 2- 25 inch tvs and a 32 incher, all given free to us, with no asking. Sooner or later all the pain and loss is replaced in ways you never expect
As far as the money I hid for almost 2 years that my sons savings were stolen. A few months ago, he came to me and said mom just admit it, its not there, its ok.
I will say one thing for everything my AH stole from us, things were returned trifold-maybe not exactly money, but similarly, without anyone really knowing. I once wrote a post called everything but the kitchen sink...it was so true, one month 5 years ago I drove around with my microwave and vaccuum in my car trunk just so I knew where they were. A few months later the sink was actually taken for scrap (Id abandoned the house by then).
Last July my kids and I were down to 1 ten inch tv and an old vcr, all fancy equipment gone. Today we have 2- 25 inch tvs and a 32 incher, all given free to us, with no asking. Sooner or later all the pain and loss is replaced in ways you never expect
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Reading, PA
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Originally Posted by cinderellawkids 
I love the ringtone idea. My 12 year old actually did that to my phone with my estranged AH. When AH would call phone would say "MOM, answering this call will only make you angry." The first few times it got a huge laugh out of me and I didnt answer.
As far as the money I hid for almost 2 years that my sons savings were stolen. A few months ago, he came to me and said mom just admit it, its not there, its ok.
I will say one thing for everything my AH stole from us, things were returned trifold-maybe not exactly money, but similarly, without anyone really knowing. I once wrote a post called everything but the kitchen sink...it was so true, one month 5 years ago I drove around with my microwave and vaccuum in my car trunk just so I knew where they were. A few months later the sink was actually taken for scrap (Id abandoned the house by then).
Last July my kids and I were down to 1 ten inch tv and an old vcr, all fancy equipment gone. Today we have 2- 25 inch tvs and a 32 incher, all given free to us, with no asking. Sooner or later all the pain and loss is replaced in ways you never expect
As far as the money I hid for almost 2 years that my sons savings were stolen. A few months ago, he came to me and said mom just admit it, its not there, its ok.
I will say one thing for everything my AH stole from us, things were returned trifold-maybe not exactly money, but similarly, without anyone really knowing. I once wrote a post called everything but the kitchen sink...it was so true, one month 5 years ago I drove around with my microwave and vaccuum in my car trunk just so I knew where they were. A few months later the sink was actually taken for scrap (Id abandoned the house by then).
Last July my kids and I were down to 1 ten inch tv and an old vcr, all fancy equipment gone. Today we have 2- 25 inch tvs and a 32 incher, all given free to us, with no asking. Sooner or later all the pain and loss is replaced in ways you never expect
I'm happy for you that you were given free televisions. That's great. Someone is watching over you.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
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I felt guilty taking the third, but when i was told then it would go on the side of the road, I decided the kids could have a seperate one for their video games.
My point to original poster is when we make hard decisions things get better
My point to original poster is when we make hard decisions things get better
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Thank you guys. He's becoming very clear to me now. I've reflected over my relationship with him, especially the last 2 years over the last few days. I was 100% manipulated by him. No doubt about it. I am just trying to 'limp' along for the next 11 days and not make waves until the divorce is final.
I put the kids to bed last night and was seeing what I had tivo'd. I started watching Intervention and was just sickened and thought F that. That's been in my face for years. I cancelled, deleted that show and pulled up the Real Housewives of Orange County. Nothing like catty fighting to take your mind off of things. Tamra on the show is getting a divorce. Her motto is 'In 2010 I will win!' Cheesy, but I'll take it for now.
I was letting my dog out this am and saw the first robin of the season. My grandma use to love robins. Robins were a sign that rebirth was about to happen. Spring is here, what winter killed will start regrowing. Flowers will creep up from the ground, trees will bloom, grass will green and things will come ALIVE! All winter long they've 'hibernated'. I've done the EXACT same thing! Hiding from myself, from the world, from society because of the shame and embarassement of AH's addiction. I'm going to take that sign from my grandma.
She died about 20 years ago from cancer. AH and I (well I) live in the house that she and g'pa built. I'm constantly reminded of her daily. I can pinpoint where we use to read bible stories. DS's room was my cuz and I's room. The office where I'm @ now was my brother and cuz's room and later when Gpa couldnt' get around was his. DD's room was my grandparents. The huge pine tree out front was 3rd base, my couch is where theirs was where we would enjoy totino's pizza with xtra cheese and fig bars left out for a day so they were crunchy instead of soft. My kitchen window is the same as hers. She always had sugar cubes and carrots for when I would ride my horse down here. She always had a garden out back. Something I've never done, but have been thinking about. She and Grandpa were a HUGE part of my childhood.
I know she's my guardian angel. Maybe she was trying to tell me something by seeing that robin. What AH has torn down I will start rebuilding and growing again. The SAME memories that I experienced in here I need to reproduce for my kids. Addiction has put a tamper to all of that because although I am here, have been here - mentally, emotionally, spiritually I have not.
I feel like FINALLY I AM on the outside looking in. I probably won't be able to help poking inside every once in a while, but I FINALLY see what I've needed to see all along. I know I'll be 'fragile' for a while with keeping my hands off the addict, but I know I can come here and you guys will be holding the ruler to crack em when I need it!
I keep thinking of the eagle that I photoshopped for Anvil yesterday and what she said...imagine if we were so wrapped up in ourselves that we failed to notice...........
Grandma LOVED eagles too. Maybe God and Grandma are telling me it's time to spread my wings and fly.... I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm leaving 1 of the 4 of us behind, but I'm ready.
I put the kids to bed last night and was seeing what I had tivo'd. I started watching Intervention and was just sickened and thought F that. That's been in my face for years. I cancelled, deleted that show and pulled up the Real Housewives of Orange County. Nothing like catty fighting to take your mind off of things. Tamra on the show is getting a divorce. Her motto is 'In 2010 I will win!' Cheesy, but I'll take it for now.
I was letting my dog out this am and saw the first robin of the season. My grandma use to love robins. Robins were a sign that rebirth was about to happen. Spring is here, what winter killed will start regrowing. Flowers will creep up from the ground, trees will bloom, grass will green and things will come ALIVE! All winter long they've 'hibernated'. I've done the EXACT same thing! Hiding from myself, from the world, from society because of the shame and embarassement of AH's addiction. I'm going to take that sign from my grandma.
She died about 20 years ago from cancer. AH and I (well I) live in the house that she and g'pa built. I'm constantly reminded of her daily. I can pinpoint where we use to read bible stories. DS's room was my cuz and I's room. The office where I'm @ now was my brother and cuz's room and later when Gpa couldnt' get around was his. DD's room was my grandparents. The huge pine tree out front was 3rd base, my couch is where theirs was where we would enjoy totino's pizza with xtra cheese and fig bars left out for a day so they were crunchy instead of soft. My kitchen window is the same as hers. She always had sugar cubes and carrots for when I would ride my horse down here. She always had a garden out back. Something I've never done, but have been thinking about. She and Grandpa were a HUGE part of my childhood.
I know she's my guardian angel. Maybe she was trying to tell me something by seeing that robin. What AH has torn down I will start rebuilding and growing again. The SAME memories that I experienced in here I need to reproduce for my kids. Addiction has put a tamper to all of that because although I am here, have been here - mentally, emotionally, spiritually I have not.
I feel like FINALLY I AM on the outside looking in. I probably won't be able to help poking inside every once in a while, but I FINALLY see what I've needed to see all along. I know I'll be 'fragile' for a while with keeping my hands off the addict, but I know I can come here and you guys will be holding the ruler to crack em when I need it!
I keep thinking of the eagle that I photoshopped for Anvil yesterday and what she said...imagine if we were so wrapped up in ourselves that we failed to notice...........
Grandma LOVED eagles too. Maybe God and Grandma are telling me it's time to spread my wings and fly.... I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm leaving 1 of the 4 of us behind, but I'm ready.
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Dang Callie! I came on SR intentionally looking for you because I haven't heard anything from you lately. I see you've been busy.
Sugar, I'm without words right now. Trying to absorb this. All I can do right now is shake my head and try to stop my heart from breaking for you over this.
I'll be SO GLAD when March 22nd arrives as that was one of my first questions when I started reading your post....WHEN IS THE DIVORCE FINAL?
What is the deal with custody and visitation? Surely your attorney would insist on no visitation without a urine screen or supervision! Boy has be turned into a major train wreck!!!
You are doing good. You have had some kick butt advice here and it is my prayer that you implement every idea and alternative!
I'm torn on the "do you tell the kids" question. My kids have kept me accountable but then again, now that RAH is doing well, they don't hesitate to remind me of what a POS he was and bust my chops for even talking to him "after everything he's done"! You're kids are younger and they probably will still see Dad as their hero despite anything you tell them and then that's a major source of irritation too. Does he see them at all? I bet your kids are really smart despite the way you've sheltered them from the brutality of what their father is doing to himself and indirectly, everyone else in his life.
I really do hope this is it - that you make March 22 YOUR CLEAN DATE and that you walk away from your drug of choice. You've played nice to get what you want and you still got screwed girl. Divorce him and save yourselves from his destruction.
Love you girl!
Sugar, I'm without words right now. Trying to absorb this. All I can do right now is shake my head and try to stop my heart from breaking for you over this.
I'll be SO GLAD when March 22nd arrives as that was one of my first questions when I started reading your post....WHEN IS THE DIVORCE FINAL?
What is the deal with custody and visitation? Surely your attorney would insist on no visitation without a urine screen or supervision! Boy has be turned into a major train wreck!!!
You are doing good. You have had some kick butt advice here and it is my prayer that you implement every idea and alternative!
I'm torn on the "do you tell the kids" question. My kids have kept me accountable but then again, now that RAH is doing well, they don't hesitate to remind me of what a POS he was and bust my chops for even talking to him "after everything he's done"! You're kids are younger and they probably will still see Dad as their hero despite anything you tell them and then that's a major source of irritation too. Does he see them at all? I bet your kids are really smart despite the way you've sheltered them from the brutality of what their father is doing to himself and indirectly, everyone else in his life.
I really do hope this is it - that you make March 22 YOUR CLEAN DATE and that you walk away from your drug of choice. You've played nice to get what you want and you still got screwed girl. Divorce him and save yourselves from his destruction.
Love you girl!
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MM - March 22 @ 1:15 it is my clean date. I've spent the entire day with the stereo cranking, the windows open welcoming spring. His stuff is being put in 'spots' and minimized so he can get it when he's ready. It's out of our/my way either way. If not I'll run an add and sell it or garage sale it. Today has been a GREAT day for me. I still feel that pull to try to help, but it's a good day today.
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That's awesome Callie.
A friend of mine convinced me and organized a yard sale, PRONTO, after John flaked out and went missing. It was so quick I didn't have time to think and VERY liberating.
Sometimes he'll ask me about something and I feel a tad guilty but not really, it's not like he was supporting us or paying child support...in fact, he was costing me money all along (hint, hint).
Love you! ROCK ON GIRL!!
A friend of mine convinced me and organized a yard sale, PRONTO, after John flaked out and went missing. It was so quick I didn't have time to think and VERY liberating.
Sometimes he'll ask me about something and I feel a tad guilty but not really, it's not like he was supporting us or paying child support...in fact, he was costing me money all along (hint, hint).
Love you! ROCK ON GIRL!!
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Join Date: May 2008
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I was thinking the same thing about the $ MM - I look back at just how much $ he took from me and it makes me sick. Makes me sick to know he was getting unemployment ALL along. I thought it had stopped in July. It stopped going into MY account and started going to his. He was always 'broke'. Looking back @ some of the needles I found sporadically when he was supposedly on Methadone. All of that makes me so mad.
Ya know what? It feels very liberating to roll all of this up into a ball and toss it out the front door. I'm having his mail forwarded, forwarding the creditors calling for his past due debt to his cell phone. I don't have to deal with lies, manipulation. I don't have to pick up after him or do his laundry (he is very messy). I don't have to go into a panic when he won't answer his phone after I've power called it with worry.
Today the sun is shining, it is warm - the kids and I set up a giant tent in the spare room upstairs. We're all 3 going to have a camp out this weekend! Life will be good for us. I know there will be ups and downs, but they can't be as bad as they were living with an addict. The pendulum will still swing, but not so violently from here on out.
Ya know what? It feels very liberating to roll all of this up into a ball and toss it out the front door. I'm having his mail forwarded, forwarding the creditors calling for his past due debt to his cell phone. I don't have to deal with lies, manipulation. I don't have to pick up after him or do his laundry (he is very messy). I don't have to go into a panic when he won't answer his phone after I've power called it with worry.
Today the sun is shining, it is warm - the kids and I set up a giant tent in the spare room upstairs. We're all 3 going to have a camp out this weekend! Life will be good for us. I know there will be ups and downs, but they can't be as bad as they were living with an addict. The pendulum will still swing, but not so violently from here on out.
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I'm having his mail forwarded, forwarding the creditors calling for his past due debt to his cell phone.
I found it liberting also, rather than thijnk of all the money theyve spent, too think of all the extra you'll have with them gone
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