jewell614

I'm new here. My name is Julia. My ex addict boyfriend's addiction to crack has worsened. He used to be a user only when he got paid, but about a month ago, he jimmied the door to my apartment and stole baby formula from his baby, and he stole my computer. I dropped him off to donate plasma in the morning, and he said he was going to go to detox.

I had a gut feeling he wasn't going to go to rehab, but when I got home and found my computer missing, I was very upset. I called the police, but they told me there wasn't much he could do. My ex wasn't on my lease, but there were no signs of a break in, and the officer told me it was his word against mine. I just couldn't believe he stole my daughter's formula to get high. I just find it hard to believe that not once during the time he was in my apartment taking my things, that he didn't think what he was doing was wrong. He never did anything like this to me before.

His addiction is getting worse. I was always the one that said my addict was different. He proved me wrong. It wasn't a matter of if but a matter of when. I just can't believe how insensitive he is and how he could care less about the aftermath he left me in. Need supporrt.

MsPINKAcres

((Julia))

Hate so much you are going thru this horrid time - seems like the disease is definitely progressing in your ex boyfriend.

It is so very painful to admit that someone we cared about would do some of the things addicts do to "feed" their habit.

Please continue to join our SR family - read the threads here - you will find many of us have walk similiar paths like yours - our spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters - even grandchildren have done these things too.

Thru the love and support we gain here and thru other sources such as professional counseling, spiritual support thru our choices of church, 12 step recovery programs (al-anon, naranon, etc.) and talking with trusted recovery friends - we are learning to take care of ourselves, to allow the addicts/alcoholics to walk their own path - and to live One Day at a Time - To be Happy, Joyous and Free - regardless of life's circumstances.

Don't give up before the miracles happen in you - remember YOU deserve them!!

HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
Rita

jewell614

Thanks. I was on another site that is supportive of friends and family for crack addicts only. I like this site much better. I feel like I'm getting better by reading and sharing. Thanks for your support.

StillLearning1

I remember the shock, disbelief..
Like many other people here- I also believed my husband and kids father, could never, would never.. he was different. We were different.

There is this line in Alanon, which goes something along the lines of:
"...you too can find happiness whether or not your loved one is drinking or not."
That is true- but for me and my children, we could NOT while we were living with him!
We had to let go of him. Detach.
Now life is alot better!

cinderellawkids

My ____i dont even know what to call him, my estranged soon to be ex , used to shoplift for the drug dealers and steal formula and diapers among other things to trade for crack, so apparently its easy to trade.

Make your apartment where he cannot get in without sign of forced entry and record all serial numbers of electronics.

Remember when they are in that mode, they arent thinking so nothing phases them, its like there in a trance.
Protect yourself, next step after breaking and entering can become persuasion to get money or items and unfortunately that can become dangerous for anyone they believe stands between them and want they want.
I always thought my husband was different too, sadly they are all just in different stages of the progression, some get help before it gets worse, some dont.

Keep coming back

jewell614

I have a protection from abuse order against him. The cop recommended that I get one. I get scared to replace anything, as I don't want it to get stolen again. I am considering putting a security system in, but I don't want to pay for it.

It took this even to happen to me to realize how dangerous he has become. I
come home from work, and I always look around to make sure everything is in place. I shouldn't have to live this way. My oldest daughter used to play on nickjr.com, and now I have to answer to her why the computer is gone. It's crazy, but it took this to happen for me to realize, I need to get him out of my life and the life of my children.

I can admit I was weak. I wanted him the way he used to be, and I wanted a family. I get sad when I see families together, and I wish mine could have worked, but I know I have better days in store. I grew up without my father, and I never wanted my kids to grow up without theirs.

cinderellawkids

Jewel, im very much where you are at. My order of protection became permanent last week. I spent 6 years hiding from the truth, isolatating and now allowing myself to get close to my father due to embarrassment and I awoke one day to find out my father was gone and I was still in turmoil.

I waited 2 years before replacing my computer, when I did I immediately busted out face plate and scraped serial numbers to feel less afraid it would be stolen. I waited a year to replace my children game station and got a deal and bought 2 identical and hid one...so I know your fear. I can say you get past it, it takes time, and some parts you never completely let go of.

At walmart there is a cheap alarm system about $79 and the reviews are good, Im still deciding on the right one. (when the alarm goes off the system will even call your cell phone)Also theres webcams you can set up so you can see whats going on at your house while your away.
Cheaper there are individual window and door alarms (about $10 each) that go off if opened from outside.

Do whatever it takes to feel safe, the safer you feel the more at ease your kids will feel

Impurrfect

((Jewell)) - welcome to SR! I'm a recovering crack addict, and I left my XABF because he continued to use. ((Cindi)) was right, above, about we don't think when we're active...our logic is totally ILlogical. I never got to the point of stealing, but my ex did.

I dont say this as a defense for what he does...I don't believe there IS a defense when you hurt your loved ones and steal from them. I say it because I don't want you thinking "he wouldn't -----" because you just never know. I'm glad you got the protection order and are considering an alarm system. A lot of crack addicts will just go elsewhere if they find it's not so easy to get what they want, any more. I hope he leaves you alone but please be prepared if he doesn't.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

rayofsunshine

Hi jewell. Welcome to SR. You've found a good place of knowledge and support. I was one of those who though my H was different too. That he would stop the drugs and we could be the happy family we were supposed to be. Sadly, it didn't happen for us. He stole things from us as well after I made him leave. Do what you can to protect what valuables you have left... get his name off your checking account, close out any credit cards with both your names, etc. (Mine used to steal checks from me.) I never thought in a million years it would come to that, but when in active addiction, the addict is in control.. our loved one has checked out.

This sticky post "What addicts Do" helped me so much when I first got here.... it explains how an active addict thinks... keep posting! It will help you so much.

What Addicts Do

My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.

outtolunch

Oftentimes addicts and those who love them operate from the same sense of terminal uniqueness. That some how, despite the odds, they will be able to control it or the other variation of it's not so bad. This persists until it is obvious it's all out of control.

I hope you had the locks changed to avoid any surprises. Make sure your checks are all intact and credit cards/online banking secure.

Please take some comfort in knowing that addiction is not a verb. He is not doing it to you or the baby. He is just doing what addicts do.

All the love in the world will not cure addiction. If this were possible, none of us would be here.

jewell614

It's so funny that I made my first post yesterday. Guess who called me? It was my ex addict or his girlfriend, which is a violation of the pfa. I did not answer. The first four time the number was blocked. The last two calls the number wasn't blocked. I can't believe it. I'm doing well though.

We have a child support hearing tomorrow. I will see him if he decides to show up. Maybe he was calling for the date and time of the hearing. I doubt it though. This is the first time I am putting my foot down, and I think he is trying to make me weak. I know I am stronger now, but I can't forget where I have been. I don't want to get too confident.

I know I should violate him for what happened yesterday, but I don't want anything happening to my car. His brother lives near me, and I worry someone will retaliate. I just want to keep the peace. If there is a break in, I will definitely violate him, but for the phone calls, I'm not so sure. What do you guys think. It was his girlfriends cell phone number. It very well could have been her calling, but she is a third party.

cinderellawkids

If it was me, Id keep track of dates and times, make a log. Here you file an affidavit of violation.
Id wait until something else happens since you didnt answer, but when he's seen in neighborhood ect, then violate citing everything on your log.

jewell614

I will most definitely keep a log of all the calls and everything. I decided to start doing that as of yesterday. I haven't received any other calls.