Boundaries with a bullet.
work in progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Boundaries with a bullet.
When will the anger subside?
Little did I know that when I stuck to my boundaries...my (now) XAH would turn into an angry monster?
I am proud of my behavior, and have had no hostility towards Him, following the rules and keeping peace around Me. He on the other hand, turned into a vindictive, angry, hostile person towards Me....and that is something that I have never known of Him. I hate that so much. Why is he so angry at me?
I guess boundaries can come with a bullet...something I didn't prepare myself for. Two months and one week later I find myself in an icky dark place in my head wondering if I went about it all wrong. Ugh.
Little did I know that when I stuck to my boundaries...my (now) XAH would turn into an angry monster?
I am proud of my behavior, and have had no hostility towards Him, following the rules and keeping peace around Me. He on the other hand, turned into a vindictive, angry, hostile person towards Me....and that is something that I have never known of Him. I hate that so much. Why is he so angry at me?
I guess boundaries can come with a bullet...something I didn't prepare myself for. Two months and one week later I find myself in an icky dark place in my head wondering if I went about it all wrong. Ugh.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Of course he's angry. He's not getting what he wants. He's an addict and he's not getting what he wants. Anger is a great manipulation tactic. If I can't get what I want by acting nice, I will try to get what I want by acting intimidating and angry.
That's what addicts do.
Maybe it's time for some new, firmer boundaries about the kind of treatment you are willing to accept in your life:
If a person is going to act threatening, hostile and angry towards me, I will not answer the phone when they call. I will not allow them in my house. I will have nothing to do with them.
I deserve to be treated with respect. If you cannot treat me with respect, I will not have anything to do with you.
If someone threatens me with violence or tries to intimidate me physically, I will call the police.
If someone uses harsh, inappropriate language towards me, I will hang up the phone or walk away and I reserve the right to discontinue contact permanently.
That's what addicts do.
Maybe it's time for some new, firmer boundaries about the kind of treatment you are willing to accept in your life:
If a person is going to act threatening, hostile and angry towards me, I will not answer the phone when they call. I will not allow them in my house. I will have nothing to do with them.
I deserve to be treated with respect. If you cannot treat me with respect, I will not have anything to do with you.
If someone threatens me with violence or tries to intimidate me physically, I will call the police.
If someone uses harsh, inappropriate language towards me, I will hang up the phone or walk away and I reserve the right to discontinue contact permanently.
work in progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Great advice Kitty
....and if this were a total stranger, or an acquaintance...you bet I'd walk away without even blinking an eye.
But this is someone who was always nice to Me. Never acted this way before now. I get that he's using the anger tactic...I really do. How long can this go on before they realize how awful they are being? The hurt part is the hardest to get over....I keep tripping over that one!
He's maintaining that he is sober, but his actions say different. I feel like I've given up on Him at times...blah blah blah....keeps creeping up on Me, dammit! Thank God he's in another country!
....and if this were a total stranger, or an acquaintance...you bet I'd walk away without even blinking an eye.
But this is someone who was always nice to Me. Never acted this way before now. I get that he's using the anger tactic...I really do. How long can this go on before they realize how awful they are being? The hurt part is the hardest to get over....I keep tripping over that one!
He's maintaining that he is sober, but his actions say different. I feel like I've given up on Him at times...blah blah blah....keeps creeping up on Me, dammit! Thank God he's in another country!
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