Suspicious

my ah doesnt have insurance. he also maintains that he doesnt go to the dr to get his own meds. he used to but according to him he stopped going last march. i have never seen any evidence that he still goes to the dr or any other. he has a source within the family that could keep him and a few others in pills so it is believable that he could get all he wants without going to the dr himself. the only thing that makes me think he must be going himself somehow is that he is kinda tight with money and he would consider it more 'economical'. i dont know what his daily mg is right now. i do know that he moved up to more potent stuff. so i know what i know and i start a new job in one week. i am steadily getting my stuff together so that i can put it to him either get help and get off of these or me & kids are leaving. i dont want to say it till i can follow thru. i used to confront him with what i knew but i dont anymore cause i know he just denies even when faced with 'evidence'. i still look for proof. i do it so i dont doubt myself even without his lying and denying. i never mention it at all.

here is the thing tho... regularly he will start talking about having to find a new dr... one that will DO something about his back instead of just handing out pain pills, talking about getting some insurance in case he has to have surgery (fwiw i DO NOT think his back is bad enough to need surgery, i dont even think he needs that daily meds) he has beat around the bush for months about talking to his boss about getting insurance thru work. i cant figure out why he doesnt want to do this.

without me confronting him on what i find i suppose he thinks i dont know that he still takes them. so why does he feel this need to talk about his back and how he cant live with this pain very much longer and that he doesnt want to go back to the pain management dr.... is he goading me? testing me to see if i will admit to finding his pills? does he really believe himself even knowing that he is still stuffing more and more pills down his throat?

have others here with addicts in denial experienced anything like this?

outtolunch

Sounds like some serious rationalization of behavior going on here.

Sounds like he is holding others responsible for his choices.

This is what addicts do.

Impurrfect

My stepmom has legit back pain, and does get her meds from dr's. No insurance, dad pays for the prescriptions but he has no idea what he's paying for and even if she TOLD him, he wouldn't know.

I know her problem isn't as bad as others I've seen here. I also know that if I were to ask her how many pain pills she is prescribed, right now (I was an RN...I WOULD know the significance) I will NOT get the truth.

I'm also an RA. We hide the truth, we think we are getting away with it, and we protect our addiction. ((OTL)) is right...it's what addicts do.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

teke

sounds kind of like he thinks you actually are believing his lie about not using and want to reassure you in a round about way. you know that addicts sometimes think they are the world's best liars. him telling you this is probably a brilliant idea to him.

justtired

I just wrote out a whole long response just to submit it and be told I wasn't signed in (even though I did sign in) ARGH!

My abf also tells me all the time that he doesn't care about the pills, he just wants pain relief. I also do not believe that his pain is bad enough to need the amount of pain meds he's on.

My guess about your AH is that he keeps telling you he's going to get a doc and get insurance because that sounds logical. He doesn't really need to because he's getting what he really wants elsewhere... but for your benefit, he will say what he knows will "makes sense" to "normal" people.

Pain pill addiction coupled with chronic pain is a crazy creature. It can be so disillusioning to both the addict and the loved ones because nobody wants to live in pain or wants someone they love to live in pain. And because there is no way to really determine the amount of pain they have, we can only guess. My abf tells me that he will go off all his pain meds (since I think he has a problem) but that I can't complain when he's miserable all the time because he's in pain. Another one I get is that chronic pain if untreated causes more health problems than pain meds so he would actually shorten his life and have more health problems if he stopped taking them. The rationalizations are just crazy. Trying to figure out what the heck they are saying and why can lead us to feel crazy ourselves!

So, yes, definitely been where you are and totally understand!

coffeedrinker

yes, i think it's a way of keeping you engaged and believing him. or so he thinks.

Suspicious

thanks everyone. i guess i am still trying to make sense out of something and someone that makes no sense at all. i know that addiction is completely illogical but i still want try to come up with a logical explanation... even if the logic is totally wonky.

Insulated

he is kinda tight with money and he would consider it more 'economical'. i dont know what his daily mg is right now. i do know that he moved up to more potent stuff.

addicts ARE tight with money. the budget is for opiates and nothing else.

I also agree with coffeedrinker...

Robin227

Suspicious,
I am new here, but I read your thread, and I feel your pain. my abf is also a pill addict(amongst other things), he has gone through 3 doctors in the 6 years that we have been together, and when he is without a doctor, he knows who to call to get pills.Doctors are NOT the only ones giving them out, TRUST ME. I can personally tell you how much street value a certain pill has, just by living with him. I can LOOK at a pill, without the label and tell you what it is.Personally, I knew nothing of any of this until i met him, I swear, he's like a walking PDA.

Granted, he talks to you like he wants a doctor to actually help him with his back pain, but until he does, I wouldn't believe him.Mine says the same thing, but yet he always goes for the pills or other substances to "ease the pain".

As for wanting to "save money"?Most pills sold on the street aren't that expensive, unless you get a greedy dealer that overcharges.Unless you have insurance that pays for your prescriptions, you actually pay MORE at the pharmacy then on the street..It's just food for thought.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, but just remember, just as I recently discovered, you are NOT alone

((hugs)) Robin

Suspicious

to Robin227

i am not as good at id'ing the pills on sight yet but thanks to google i can figure it out pretty quick. when i found 1/2 of a tiny blue pill in his pocket i was able to find out that he had made the jump to 30 mg roxi's. you being in fl the street value is probably really cheap for those... i figure that cuz ah's brother is making trips to fl all the way from oh to get those. i dont have a clue what ah is spending on his pills. so far he has never dipped into his reg paycheck but i figure that he is making about 800 to 1000 in side jobs and i RARELY see any of that money and he always has a logical story about why.

oh well... start my new job monday and things are looking up... or at least forward... i will worry about up later lol.

hugs to you too as you figure you way thru this mess of loving an addict

tam

my AH is also a chronic pain sufferer and on prescription meds. he is now with his 7th dr.who will keep filling the meds (past drs.dropped him) for him despite his quality of life. we have been married 25 years and 3 months ago he left (with my nagging) and has no money, no car, no job..nothing..all he talks about is his need to be on pain meds for the rest of his life (he went into rehab in jan.but 4 hours later left)
I am holding my ground, he called last night (after not calling for 3 weeks) and wants to come home..NOT...I told him there isnt a marriage until you get help and I feel there HAS TO BE OTHER MEDS for pain that are not addicting and cause these awful affects on people's lives.
I also question his pain level (very minor neck whiplash 7 years ago) and how it started with 1 pill at a low dose to 9 pills a day at a high dose..I told him it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that out!! he saids..oh your not
a dr., my pain dr. told me I need them. I had cancer 2 times, I know pain and I know good drs.vs. bad drs..its up to the patient to seek help and find alternative meds (if they are even needed). I hope this forum gives you the strength to get through this as it has given me tremedous information to continue the stance I have taken as I have lived with it for many years in hiding.

Suspicious

i have talked to him several times about how opiate meds can actually 'cause' pain when you try to stop taking them. i have asked him to ask his dr about this if he doesnt believe me but he wont. his stance is his dr would have told him about that if it were a REAL possibility.

tam

same here too...we are up against drs..they say, he says, I say..the problem is Im not allowed to talk to his dr.about his condition (hippa law he signed) another red flag as he is allowed to talk to all of my drs.,I have nothing to hide. now he goes to the ER for pain shots as the pills arent enough and Im not aloud to talk to them either..
hang in there ,know your not alone and maybe attend meetings which I finally did and found it very helpful and supportive .