enodm

My son's friend who he works with called me and he has not show up of called in to work for 2 days now. Even though my goal for the day was to NOT call or text him I did... He has been huffing carb cleaner and is messed up. I asked him where he was he had no idea. I told him that he was in god's hand's and that I love him very much.
OMG can I do this??!!??!!

sojourner

Yes, you can. Pray, pray very hard. Do you have an Alanon daily reading book? If so, look in the index under the emotions that you are feeling - worry, fear.

Remember I said earlier the worst fear is the fear of death. That's what you're experiencing right now. Perhaps some Bible verses that have always had sway for you - perhaps some songs from church that have always helped you. There's something in your experience that has helped you - lean on that now.

One time my then-husband came home from a cocaine binge. He crawled into bed, i acted like i was asleep. He woke me up (he thought) to tell me that his heart was racing like crazy. I acted calm as I told him that cocaine does cause the heart to race even to the point of heart attacks and death. Then i quietly turned and pretended to go back to sleep. I believe that response from me was one of the things that escalated him to the point of reaching for help in a recovery program.

You're doing the right thing. Keep coming back here. This too shall pass.

Sojourner

hello-kitty

Your goal per your other post:

Go one day without contacting him.

That's all. You can do it for one day mom. If you call him it will not change his behavior. You will probably just be disappointed.

Can you check into an alanon meeting? Can you go check out the book "Co-dependent No More" at the local library and read a chapter?

outtolunch

When my daughter was using, I reminded myself every 5 minutes that she could be hit by a car or have a piano fall out of a window and take her dowm and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it, short of locking her in a room, forever.

When I was eventually humbled with the realization that I had no control over the outcome, it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. It's a process and it did not happen overnight.

enodm

Thanks everyone, this all helps so much!!! After I talked to him earlier I went swimmimg with my 1 year old and have not called him. Tomorrow will be a new day.
xoxo

Impurrfect

((enodm))

I'm an RA (recovering addict). I also know your side...got loved ones who are addicts.

I just want you to know the only thing my dad did for me that made a difference in my using. He stepped back. He said "I love you with all my heart, you're my only child, but I can't help you kill yourself. You've got to do this on your own".

He did this AFTER he'd offered to pay for rehab, after he'd begged me to come home, after he'd come to find me on the streets, etc. All those times I kept telling him I was going to keep using until I was done.

When he stepped back, I was in jail. I was left to face the consequences of my using and I didn't like it one bit. I got out and I am still facing consequences, with almost 3 years clean.

Despite facing consequences, I am extremely grateful for the life I lead today. I am a much stronger and compassionate person because of what I've been through.

I KNOW it's not easy to step away from an addict you love. I don't have a child who is an addict, but I have loved ones who are. I left my bf because he continued to use when I got clean. He died in Dec. It could have been me.

I am grateful that my family went on with life while I was using...yes, they were hurt, but they continued on with life. When I could see clearly enough, I wanted back IN that life they had.

One day at a time, sweetie.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

idahoone

((enodm)) I am the mother of a RAS- when he was in active addiction (and boy was he active) I lived in fear that he would die...and I prayed....and I negotiated with G*D, and I worried....and I was a crazy person...at least as crazy as he was....and nothing I did changed his behavior....eventually he got sick and tired of his consequences.....it took years...but he has been clean from drugs for 2 1/2 years...and I have been free of the craziness for a little longer than that...keep coming to this board and keep posting...and if you haven't found a meeting for yourself yet, please try to find one

Praying for you and your son,

enodm

This morning I did what another person posted and said a prayer to god to please take him in his hands and take care of him and keep him safe. I then said randy I love you with all my heart, but today I release you.

Even though It's HARD as HE** I can do this... So can he.

teke

you and your son are in my prayers. i pray strength for you and that your son find his way soon.

good for you, as hard as it maybe, you are taking care of you. hopefully your son will soon see for himsef how destructive his addiction is and want to make some changes. thats my prayer, anyway.