The Boys at me Again...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
The Boys at me Again...
Hi Everyone,
Just thought I would drop in and give you an update on life here. I took my boys to Mexico for Christmas, we left on the 19th of Dec. We were all so excited. I guess a pulled a real boo boo, but I think what happen because of it was far to extreme. I only booked one room for us in Mexico, thought the boys could bunk down together and I wanted to have the extra money for buggy rides thought the forests and into small old Mexican Cities or what ever adventure they wanted to go on....we were going to do it, have the time of our lives. It just never occured to me that having one room was going to be a problem, so when we arrived at the Resort my oldest son became enraged that we only had one room and shot out some pretty nasty comments to me, and I shot back at him. He left the room only a couple hours after we were there and that was the last I saw of him. I thought he must be around the resort somewhere, so I search the next day, all day and was becoming a mess, terrified of what happened to him. I then discovered that our plane tickets where gone, so I called the air lines and sure enough he had gone back to the airport and took the next fight back home. I was in such shock and really bummed right out. I really ruined my holiday and his brother's as well. So we came home on Christmas Day, it was just so upsetting all that I wanted to do was come home and be with my family.
I did see him a couple of times in December but I was so still hot, hurt and upset inside that I could not bring myself to talk to him. I guess since then he has been having some telephone contact with his dad...( funny hey after over 7 years of not having any contact with his dad, he decides now to.) This has become a living nightmare again. Their dad filling their heads with absolute crap! He told them that when I sold the house, that was granted to me from the judge that I should have given the boys 1/2 of the money because that was child support from him to give them. That was back child support and future child support that the judge knew I would never get, so that is why I ended up with the house. So now the boys think that I have taken all of their money? My youngest has called me every name in the book, it was so tense and upsetting around here and there was nothing I could say that was changing there minds and we just kept on battling. I told him several times to get his things and get out, he said not until you give me money. Finally I came home from work one day a couple of weeks ago and he had left, bed and all. Then I was in tears again, not really the way I wanted him to go, but nothing was changing for the better.
Mean while he had been coming in the house when I was not home and his sticky fingers picked up all the looneys and toonies that I had been saving up. I had the locks changed on the house, so he can no longer get in. I did talk to the police and they told me that if I had any problems with him to call and they would deal with him, but to prepare myself for some terrible name calling from him. I could not work last week, I was so upset. It has been since December since I have seen my oldest and of course I am missing him, so I thought that I might just go over to his place to try and talk to him. I was feeling very uptight about it and wondered what kind of shape that I would come back home in. I have been seeing a really nice man since last summer, his family has welcomed me in with open arms, I feel much comfort here. I was over at Rob's Dad's home yesterday, they knew I was upset, knew that I was wanting to go see my oldest son, but his Dad talked with me for a few hours and convinced me that it might not be the best thing to do at this time, that I would only add more upset to myself. He said in time they will come around, but only let them come around until they can have respect for me and until then, make them say away.
So things have not been very good around here.
Rose
Just thought I would drop in and give you an update on life here. I took my boys to Mexico for Christmas, we left on the 19th of Dec. We were all so excited. I guess a pulled a real boo boo, but I think what happen because of it was far to extreme. I only booked one room for us in Mexico, thought the boys could bunk down together and I wanted to have the extra money for buggy rides thought the forests and into small old Mexican Cities or what ever adventure they wanted to go on....we were going to do it, have the time of our lives. It just never occured to me that having one room was going to be a problem, so when we arrived at the Resort my oldest son became enraged that we only had one room and shot out some pretty nasty comments to me, and I shot back at him. He left the room only a couple hours after we were there and that was the last I saw of him. I thought he must be around the resort somewhere, so I search the next day, all day and was becoming a mess, terrified of what happened to him. I then discovered that our plane tickets where gone, so I called the air lines and sure enough he had gone back to the airport and took the next fight back home. I was in such shock and really bummed right out. I really ruined my holiday and his brother's as well. So we came home on Christmas Day, it was just so upsetting all that I wanted to do was come home and be with my family.
I did see him a couple of times in December but I was so still hot, hurt and upset inside that I could not bring myself to talk to him. I guess since then he has been having some telephone contact with his dad...( funny hey after over 7 years of not having any contact with his dad, he decides now to.) This has become a living nightmare again. Their dad filling their heads with absolute crap! He told them that when I sold the house, that was granted to me from the judge that I should have given the boys 1/2 of the money because that was child support from him to give them. That was back child support and future child support that the judge knew I would never get, so that is why I ended up with the house. So now the boys think that I have taken all of their money? My youngest has called me every name in the book, it was so tense and upsetting around here and there was nothing I could say that was changing there minds and we just kept on battling. I told him several times to get his things and get out, he said not until you give me money. Finally I came home from work one day a couple of weeks ago and he had left, bed and all. Then I was in tears again, not really the way I wanted him to go, but nothing was changing for the better.
Mean while he had been coming in the house when I was not home and his sticky fingers picked up all the looneys and toonies that I had been saving up. I had the locks changed on the house, so he can no longer get in. I did talk to the police and they told me that if I had any problems with him to call and they would deal with him, but to prepare myself for some terrible name calling from him. I could not work last week, I was so upset. It has been since December since I have seen my oldest and of course I am missing him, so I thought that I might just go over to his place to try and talk to him. I was feeling very uptight about it and wondered what kind of shape that I would come back home in. I have been seeing a really nice man since last summer, his family has welcomed me in with open arms, I feel much comfort here. I was over at Rob's Dad's home yesterday, they knew I was upset, knew that I was wanting to go see my oldest son, but his Dad talked with me for a few hours and convinced me that it might not be the best thing to do at this time, that I would only add more upset to myself. He said in time they will come around, but only let them come around until they can have respect for me and until then, make them say away.
So things have not been very good around here.
Rose
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
Too bad the father is telling them lies. Someday they will understand the truth. You had to keep a roof over their heads. Maybe a paper from that judge would help explain it to them. They need a house to come home to and so do you. They are just selfish kids. What can you do for yourself today? I would lovingly detach from them. I remember when I was that age I was a selfish little bi___. I would set some boundaries about how they talk to you. I would not try to force things.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Mom treats sons to a holiday in Mexico and one son pitches a fit about sharing a room and takes off with the airline tix and returns home......
What about this makes you feel like you made the boo-boo?
It's common for people to manipulate their children in a divorce. Sorry to hear that your husband is one of them.
Who is the drug addict in this story?
What about this makes you feel like you made the boo-boo?
It's common for people to manipulate their children in a divorce. Sorry to hear that your husband is one of them.
Who is the drug addict in this story?
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
Rose,
First off I want to send you one big hug ((((ROSE))))!!!
Now Rose you plan a vacation and just because all three of you need to share a room your oldest throws a tantrum?? That is not your fault at all... your sons should be grateful that you took them to Mexico. I know its been better the past year or so but I remember when they used to drive you insane with the verbal abuse. I have know idea yet what it must be like to get treatment from my kids the way you have but just because your their mom doesnt mean you need to take their crap. Your sons are adults now right? You dont have to accept this treatment and I am so upset for you and wish I could give your children a piece of my mind.
Do something for you Rose, during your next vacation plan it for you and your boyfriend!
Hugs always,
Jewelz
First off I want to send you one big hug ((((ROSE))))!!!
Now Rose you plan a vacation and just because all three of you need to share a room your oldest throws a tantrum?? That is not your fault at all... your sons should be grateful that you took them to Mexico. I know its been better the past year or so but I remember when they used to drive you insane with the verbal abuse. I have know idea yet what it must be like to get treatment from my kids the way you have but just because your their mom doesnt mean you need to take their crap. Your sons are adults now right? You dont have to accept this treatment and I am so upset for you and wish I could give your children a piece of my mind.
Do something for you Rose, during your next vacation plan it for you and your boyfriend!
Hugs always,
Jewelz
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
What a bunch of ungrateful little brats! That would be the last time I ever tried to do anything special for them. Let 'em sit home while YOU take a nice vacation. They don't deserve it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oh, ((((Rose))))........
Got to admit. Those two sound like they need a "coming to Jesus meeting" if anyone ever did....!
Hang in there. Smiley and Smiley 2 will come around eventually once they grow up a bit more, well, a lot more.
Hugs and prayers, HG
Got to admit. Those two sound like they need a "coming to Jesus meeting" if anyone ever did....!
Hang in there. Smiley and Smiley 2 will come around eventually once they grow up a bit more, well, a lot more.
Hugs and prayers, HG
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
These two are not boys they are 19 and 21....so called men! .
I am ever so grateful for everyones replies, just helps me to stop beating myself up or what I could have done better. It is so hard to except that I have 2 selfish, ungrateful boys! They curse at me every name in the book and it is darn hard to take. But both of them are out of the house now, the oldest has been gone for over a year now and now the youngest gone just about 3 weeks. Upsetting yes, but really in the there really has always been a part of me still on guard, the same feelings I had with their dad. So they do have alot of his controlling personality instilled in them.
I did call there dad to see just what he has been telling them, he told me he gave up his half of everything for the boys and I should be giving them his part. Can you imagine the rage I went into. What a foolish thing for me to do, contact him! What stunds me as well is the boys having contact with him after all these years (7). They would have nothing to do with him, if he called to try and talk to him, they would slam the phone down on him, so now they are taking his wonderful adivise! It is a shock that they would do such a thing. Not that I don't want them to have contact with him, I tried through out the years for them to have at least a bit of a conversation and they would just flip at me for even bring his name up.
I only have a 2 bedroom home, so my pc was in the living room taking up space in a small room, so when the youngest moved out I put my pc in his room and I am going to set my sewing machine up in there as well. He came here last weekend, came in and went into his room and when he saw that I had moved my my pc in there his kicked the pc chair across the room. I said nothing, but now I know the door is lock at all times even when I am home. The police told me to call them and let them deal with him, so I will call.
I know they build up steam when my BF is here, just because they know they have to bight their toughs, their dad knows that I have a BF...gee I wonder how...he lives in another province. They do throw out snide remarks to me when he is here, but not as bad. My BF just become inraged with it and finds it hard not to speak up.
Oh let me not forget to tell you this, we are on a family cell phone package, in my name, month after month I have been paying the bill for this, in my mind it was to help out, but they did not seem to abuse it....I guess they were out to screw me last month and I got a bill for $1000.00...phones were cut off now. They were down at the cell store trying to get them hooked back up, but I changed every password and pin, I had message after message from the sales people in the store asking me to call them as I had both of the boys in the store demanding to rehook them up. That was the last I saw of my oldest son and the words my youngest called me....! My youngest was after me none stop to co-sign a loan for him for $5000.00, I know now it was a ploy, probably something their dad put him up to. I refused to do it, I am ever so glad, he was planning to leave me high and dry with it, just trying to get money out me that he thinks he is intitle to. I had been worried that I would come home and my TV and PC and who knows what else is gone, so I am feeling a bit more relaxed now that I have my locks change and have I have talked to the police.
I am very grateful for the man in my life, he is very good to me and treats me like a lady, get this he opens the car door for me and it has been 8 months and he still does it. He calls when he is going to be late, I have no 2nd guessing. I know 8 months is not long and I have still yet to probably really know him, but heck I am sucking it up and loving it.
Rose
I am ever so grateful for everyones replies, just helps me to stop beating myself up or what I could have done better. It is so hard to except that I have 2 selfish, ungrateful boys! They curse at me every name in the book and it is darn hard to take. But both of them are out of the house now, the oldest has been gone for over a year now and now the youngest gone just about 3 weeks. Upsetting yes, but really in the there really has always been a part of me still on guard, the same feelings I had with their dad. So they do have alot of his controlling personality instilled in them.
I did call there dad to see just what he has been telling them, he told me he gave up his half of everything for the boys and I should be giving them his part. Can you imagine the rage I went into. What a foolish thing for me to do, contact him! What stunds me as well is the boys having contact with him after all these years (7). They would have nothing to do with him, if he called to try and talk to him, they would slam the phone down on him, so now they are taking his wonderful adivise! It is a shock that they would do such a thing. Not that I don't want them to have contact with him, I tried through out the years for them to have at least a bit of a conversation and they would just flip at me for even bring his name up.
I only have a 2 bedroom home, so my pc was in the living room taking up space in a small room, so when the youngest moved out I put my pc in his room and I am going to set my sewing machine up in there as well. He came here last weekend, came in and went into his room and when he saw that I had moved my my pc in there his kicked the pc chair across the room. I said nothing, but now I know the door is lock at all times even when I am home. The police told me to call them and let them deal with him, so I will call.
I know they build up steam when my BF is here, just because they know they have to bight their toughs, their dad knows that I have a BF...gee I wonder how...he lives in another province. They do throw out snide remarks to me when he is here, but not as bad. My BF just become inraged with it and finds it hard not to speak up.
Oh let me not forget to tell you this, we are on a family cell phone package, in my name, month after month I have been paying the bill for this, in my mind it was to help out, but they did not seem to abuse it....I guess they were out to screw me last month and I got a bill for $1000.00...phones were cut off now. They were down at the cell store trying to get them hooked back up, but I changed every password and pin, I had message after message from the sales people in the store asking me to call them as I had both of the boys in the store demanding to rehook them up. That was the last I saw of my oldest son and the words my youngest called me....! My youngest was after me none stop to co-sign a loan for him for $5000.00, I know now it was a ploy, probably something their dad put him up to. I refused to do it, I am ever so glad, he was planning to leave me high and dry with it, just trying to get money out me that he thinks he is intitle to. I had been worried that I would come home and my TV and PC and who knows what else is gone, so I am feeling a bit more relaxed now that I have my locks change and have I have talked to the police.
I am very grateful for the man in my life, he is very good to me and treats me like a lady, get this he opens the car door for me and it has been 8 months and he still does it. He calls when he is going to be late, I have no 2nd guessing. I know 8 months is not long and I have still yet to probably really know him, but heck I am sucking it up and loving it.
Rose
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
OMG, ((((ROSE)))) You do NOT have to take that abuse, and yes, it IS abuse! Please stay safe and I'd think long and hard before I'd let them in my home if I was alone. They both sound like they have huge anger issues.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm glad to hear from you rose and i'm sorry you are going through all of this. i'm glad to hear you changed your locks and have talked to the police. seems like to me, they are doing what they are doing because they think they can continue to get away with it.
as for them being in constant contact with the dad that they wanted nothing to do with, seems like maybe its all to upset you in someway or make you do whatever it is they want you to do. someone said earlier, they'll probably come around when they mature a little more, so focus on you and your new friend. let dad do what he's doing and pray that they are all ok together.
you have done all you could for your boys, you don't owe them anything. who cares about what their father is telling them. imo, did you actually expect for him to tell them any different? i say, make them stay away until they learn to give you the respect you deserve. you and yours are in my prayers
as for them being in constant contact with the dad that they wanted nothing to do with, seems like maybe its all to upset you in someway or make you do whatever it is they want you to do. someone said earlier, they'll probably come around when they mature a little more, so focus on you and your new friend. let dad do what he's doing and pray that they are all ok together.
you have done all you could for your boys, you don't owe them anything. who cares about what their father is telling them. imo, did you actually expect for him to tell them any different? i say, make them stay away until they learn to give you the respect you deserve. you and yours are in my prayers
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
(((Rose))),
First off, congratulations on enjoying a GOOD relationship with a man who cares about you. My guess is that it is more than time for you to be dating, and your boys are feeling what many young men do when it's time to go out there and fend for themselves -- stress, fear, and wishful thinking that momma would just continue to take care of them
This does not excuse their thoughtless behavior, though, and I am so proud of you for being firm in your locks and rules! EXCELLENT on the cell phone thing also. Sorry you are stuck with that crazy telephone bill. Do not get a new plan with these boys again.
It struck me that perhaps their dad is giving them all this BS because they've gone to him for financial help and he isn't giving them any either, using that lame story as an excuse of you owing them (rather than that money having been child support for when they were minors). By blaming you for spending what he is referring to as their money, he deflects their need for money right now. Sounds like all of these men are into the blame-game. Good for you for finding SR and understanding this type of behavior.
Stay strong, Rose, and remember that YOU need to be taking care of YOU. Step away from the boys for a while, Rose. They need to do some growing up on their own, without using you as their blame-girl. They say that boys eventually come around after the age of 25! Continue to insist on no more name-calling in YOUR home, even if it means no admittance. A woman's home needs to be her SANCTUARY, where she determines the atmosphere, where peace and serenity can be found at the end of every day after work Hugs and prayers coming your way.
First off, congratulations on enjoying a GOOD relationship with a man who cares about you. My guess is that it is more than time for you to be dating, and your boys are feeling what many young men do when it's time to go out there and fend for themselves -- stress, fear, and wishful thinking that momma would just continue to take care of them
This does not excuse their thoughtless behavior, though, and I am so proud of you for being firm in your locks and rules! EXCELLENT on the cell phone thing also. Sorry you are stuck with that crazy telephone bill. Do not get a new plan with these boys again.It struck me that perhaps their dad is giving them all this BS because they've gone to him for financial help and he isn't giving them any either, using that lame story as an excuse of you owing them (rather than that money having been child support for when they were minors). By blaming you for spending what he is referring to as their money, he deflects their need for money right now. Sounds like all of these men are into the blame-game. Good for you for finding SR and understanding this type of behavior.
Stay strong, Rose, and remember that YOU need to be taking care of YOU. Step away from the boys for a while, Rose. They need to do some growing up on their own, without using you as their blame-girl. They say that boys eventually come around after the age of 25! Continue to insist on no more name-calling in YOUR home, even if it means no admittance. A woman's home needs to be her SANCTUARY, where she determines the atmosphere, where peace and serenity can be found at the end of every day after work
Hugs and prayers coming your way.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Just over a week ago, I came home from work, Rob and I were going to have dinner that I had made and put in the frig. I thought I was loosing my nut, there was no dinner in the frig, even after opening and closing it over and over to check and re-check. We knew that instant my youngest had got himself into the house and just one look at a kitchen window we could see that is where he came in from, even though I had one lock on and a stick in the window the 2nd top lock was not locked. He even took the dishes that the food was on, I guess he had to hurry incase I arrived home while he was in there. I was so mad, but the next day even madder. I have no way of contacting him and I don't know where he is living. I called his boss to see when he worked nexted and did fill him in on what he has been up to here, his boss is well aware of the past as both boys have worked for him over the last 10 years. His boss filled me in on when he would be working next and he had no problem with me coming there to confront my son.
I went down there bright and early on Sat and when my son saw me coming he just became an enraged monster. He told me to get the F off the property ro he was calling the police on me. I told him he was more than welcome to call the police and that he was lucky that it was me there and not the police, because the next time he breaks into my house it will be the police coming to your work. He was swearing and throwing tools around and then he called me a "phyco C"! Full out!
I have let my neighbours know that he is not to be here or if they see either of the boys trying to get in to call my cell. The neighbour called yesterday to let me know that his truck was here, a got home in 5 min, he was in the outside garage getting oil for his truck. I told him that he was not to be here, he did not as much even blick at me, just as though I was not even there, I said do you here me or do I have to call the police to make you understand. I went into the house and locked the doors behind me, not knowing to call the police or not. Rob did come within minutes after and he finished putting his oil in the truck and drove away.
HIs actions and words just knott my stomach back to a place that I never wanted to be ever again, its like his father all over again. This kid is up to something no good and I'll be dammed that he pull me down. I don't know if it is drugs or a selfish, unruley spoiled brat not getting his way and the only reason I say this is because this is very much like his dad's personality even before he took up the dope, the dope just magnified it.
Just what sort of a person would call their mother such names.
Rose
I went down there bright and early on Sat and when my son saw me coming he just became an enraged monster. He told me to get the F off the property ro he was calling the police on me. I told him he was more than welcome to call the police and that he was lucky that it was me there and not the police, because the next time he breaks into my house it will be the police coming to your work. He was swearing and throwing tools around and then he called me a "phyco C"! Full out!
I have let my neighbours know that he is not to be here or if they see either of the boys trying to get in to call my cell. The neighbour called yesterday to let me know that his truck was here, a got home in 5 min, he was in the outside garage getting oil for his truck. I told him that he was not to be here, he did not as much even blick at me, just as though I was not even there, I said do you here me or do I have to call the police to make you understand. I went into the house and locked the doors behind me, not knowing to call the police or not. Rob did come within minutes after and he finished putting his oil in the truck and drove away.
HIs actions and words just knott my stomach back to a place that I never wanted to be ever again, its like his father all over again. This kid is up to something no good and I'll be dammed that he pull me down. I don't know if it is drugs or a selfish, unruley spoiled brat not getting his way and the only reason I say this is because this is very much like his dad's personality even before he took up the dope, the dope just magnified it.
Just what sort of a person would call their mother such names.
Rose
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I hope you'll consider calling the police the next time, because there WILL be a next time, since you didn't call them this time. Your son is a bully and is taunting you. Like all bullies he won't stop until you fight back.
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 512
I agree. are they too old to spank? In my case, my kids got so unruly that one day I announced, you know you have ANOTHER parent. Go live with them if you like. My youngest did and was calling in a week to come back to me. Nothing doing! I had no false maternal pride. My kid wanted to live with dad, bye bye now. I said you know what...I'm going to turn your room into that $ex dungeon i've always wanted. Yes, I paid a smidge of support but it was so worth it. Our relationship is better now than ever, granted it took 5 years, but it was worth it.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Rose, one option is to tell your neighbors to call the police if they see his truck, not to call you! With his rage issues, it is entirely possible that he could hurt you. Please don't handle him on your own again. Your safety is more important than anything.
(((Hugs)))
(((Hugs)))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((Rose))) I was on vacation when you first posted this, but it just breaks my heart that you are still going through this with your boys.
That said..and with love in my heart...I am going to give you bunny slipper nudge and say "get thee to a meeting, Rose!!"
Meetings will help you detach and not listen (and take to heart) unkind, stupid and mean remarks from your ex and your kids.
YOU are a wonderful person with a big heart and a loving kindness that your boys don't deserve.
Please don't let them suck every ounce of recovery out of you, you worked too hard to get this far.
That was a terrible thing your boy did in Mexico, how terrifying that must have been for you. No more vacations for him, Rose. Maybe a nice vacation alone or with a friend for you
You deserve a better life, Rose, free of those who abuse you (yes this is abuse). The only way I was able to find a better life for myself was to go to meetings and start working those 12 little steps that saved my bacon.
Love you Rose, we've walked a long way together here, and I keep you and your boys in my prayer.
Mama to Mama Hugs
That said..and with love in my heart...I am going to give you bunny slipper nudge and say "get thee to a meeting, Rose!!"
Meetings will help you detach and not listen (and take to heart) unkind, stupid and mean remarks from your ex and your kids.
YOU are a wonderful person with a big heart and a loving kindness that your boys don't deserve.
Please don't let them suck every ounce of recovery out of you, you worked too hard to get this far.
That was a terrible thing your boy did in Mexico, how terrifying that must have been for you. No more vacations for him, Rose. Maybe a nice vacation alone or with a friend for you
You deserve a better life, Rose, free of those who abuse you (yes this is abuse). The only way I was able to find a better life for myself was to go to meetings and start working those 12 little steps that saved my bacon.
Love you Rose, we've walked a long way together here, and I keep you and your boys in my prayer.
Mama to Mama Hugs
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hey rose, i agree, tell the neighbors to call the police and let the police call you. is it possible you can get an alarm installed? remember actions speaks louder than words and that goes both ways. they seem to think they are getting away with whatever they decide to do and say to you and i know this has to hurt. you and your family are in my prayers.
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