357girl

In only a couple of months, it will be two years since my daughter first began her addiction with Oxycontin. It has progressed to Heroin. Her stepdad and I went through it all, Methadone clinic, inpatient, outpatient, and Suboxone. In the end, we realized she did not want a life of sobriety. We tried to force it on her, but it was hell every breathing moment for us, and it did not help her whatsoever. 8 months ago I kicked her out for good and she moved out of state to live with her dad. She put her dad and his wife and kids through the whirlwind too, finally got a DUI and is now on probation, blah blah blah. She managed to keep a decent job for a couple of months afterwards and stay sober but recently, she starting using again, has lost her job, got kicked out of her dad's house and is supposedly staying with a friend. It is such a vicious circle.

I read back on my posts here and see the complete hell I was went through, allowing her addition to completely run my life, but not knowing or wanting to behave any differently. I think we all have to go through that, too, so we can look back and say "I tried." I don't post anymore, I do give some thank yous and I read here often, usually at night which is when I find I most need the support. I really feel for all of you who are just now starting on the terrible journey of addiction with your loved one. It is SO incredibly hard. I miss my daughter so much, every single day. I still cry for her all of the time. And not just the newcomers, but the longtimers who have been dealing with this for so long. I never imagined I would still be visiting this site two years later.

For now, I am no longer enabling her, she cannot use me. I just let her know I'm here to support her recovery and I keep trying to keep the lines of communication open. Most of all I pray she chooses sobriety.Thank God I am leaving this in His hands now.

Thanks for letting me share.
Claudia

suki44883

(((Claudia)))

I'm sorry your daughter has chosen this path. Hopefully soon, she'll figure out that she hold the key to a better life and will seek help.

greeteachday

(((Claudia))) As the consequences start adding up, she may find the pain of using is much worse than the pain of getting clean. I'm glad you have chosen to let her find her way on her own and to save yourself. Keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers.

JMFburns

Claudia,

Thanks for the post. It helps to remind me that I can make a choice at any time to step away from my addict (son) and let him handle his own life. That his choices are his to make and my choices are mine to make - I can love him, but I do not have to be part of the insanity of his life.

Thank you.

coffeedrinker

I have three daughters, 17, 19 & 21, and I can imagine the pain. My oldest is a yet-unrecognized alcoholic (my assessment) and I know in my heart and bones, that she will seek recovery one day. She is still so very young. Your daughter is very, very young as well, and I gotta think that the seeds you planted will take root one day. Thanks for sharing; peace to you, sweetheart.

MsPINKAcres

((Claudia))

my heart goes out to you - glad you are taking good care of you and living your life - I can imagine that is not easy.

I have 5 daughters (3 step-daughters & 2 birth daughters, ages 32, 27, 25, 25, & 23) Each of them have been affected by this horrid disease.

The oldest struggled from the late teenage years with addiction/alcoholism, treatment centers, rehabs in & out patient, many jail terms - lost custody of all 3 of her children - blah, blah, blah.
By her finally surrendering to the guidance of her HP and her HP's Grace - tomorrow she will have 11 months clean & sober - She and I both acknowledge it could be lost at any moment - it is a precious gift that we cherish.

Reading post like yours reminds me of those long long days and nights of wondering - May your Higher Power continue to pour out His Mercy and Comfort on you.

HUGS,
Rita

idahoone

(((Claudia)))

My heart breaks for you- my son (now 23) brought me to this site more than 5 years ago. He is mostly sober now (occasionally drinks) but he no longer uses drugs (meth was his primary drug of choice)- it has been a hard fought battle- for both he and I. Along the way, he did rehab, Drug Court, family outpatient, more times in jail than I can count, and finally prison.

Today he has a great job, an even greater girlfriend, and we have a good relationship. I will pray for your daughter and for you. I will pray that she finds her bottom....and that she finds the gift of sobriety.

Hugs from one Mom to another!

Spiritual Seeker

(((Claudia))) sorry your daughter still uses.

My son did for 7 yrs. But now sober 2 yrs.

Detach as needed just as you have decided to do and keep hope and faith her day will come. I said a prayer ea. morning
"God please take care of my son" and then released him ea. day This made it possible for my thoughts not to be preoccupied with fear and sorrow

peaceteach

Prayers from another mom. My son also was in the mix, but has been sober and drug-free now for a year. SR certainly had a hand in helping me to detach and find peace in life. Glad you are here

sojourner

Claudia: Thanks for your post. We are on parallel journeys with our addicted young adult children.

Your raw grief will subside as time goes on. I know mine did. But i find that there are times when i can be brought to tears. But as time has gone on I'm no longer buying or reading all the books on addiction - I actually want to read things that are not about the subject. And I, too, get on here and read a lot, hit the "thanks" button a lot, and sometimes respond to posts but not as much as I used to.

My observation (totally mine) from all this is that most addicts don't hit a "bottom" (whatever that is) until their mid to late 20s at the earliest. And that is even in a situation where family have successfully and lovingly detached from the addict. It seems that the late teens and early 20s are an age of the "young punk," very self-centered attitude. I see my other young adult children are like this, although to a much lesser degree because they are not into drugs or alcohol. So i'm in this for the long haul. I don't think my AS (age 24) is going to be getting to the end of this anytime soon.

Thanks for your ESH.

Sojourner

teke

prayers for you and your family.

enodm

Claudia, My son is 19 and all of this started about 1 1/2 yrs ago... My son too went from using OXY to heroin. We stopped giving him money and he started huffing carborater cleaner. We put him through inpatient treatment, which he actually wanted. He got out and after 15 days huffed. We threatened to kick him out.. after 3 more times of huffing he started smoking spice (it's ok it's legal umm ok).. About 2 weeks ago he used OXY. We kicked him out almost 2 weeks ago and it's awful.
I pray they will find their way.

katie44

Hi Claudia,our As is 22 has been using since he was 16. Took us a long time to understand that we had to detach. We kicked him out last year, hes still using. How right you are there addiction will destroy your life. Always chaos! Not one of us ever dreamed we would be here.