sis42871

Since I found out that he was taking pills again and was lying to me, we came to an agreement that he would not be allowed to have any money. I can't trust him with money or even to go anywhere. I always wondered why it took him so long to go places how could I have been so stupid. The places he went and the time it took him to get there and back I could have been there and back a million times. Well, now I am suspicious when ever he goes even outside, always wondering if he has some pills hidden somewhere and it is just an excuse so he can get them. I have to stay strong and stick to what we agreed upon because I can not afford to support his habit, I have a family to think of and we have to come first. We have to go to the store in a little bit to get some things and he had asked if I had money and he would run, I told him I don't have cash so you are gonna have to take me so I can get what I need. I miss the times when I could trust him with anything and had no worries about where he went. Hope it gets better because it is draining to not be able to trust the one you love so much.

Impurrfect

((Sis42871)) - it IS hard when you lose the ability to trust the one you love. I'm an RA (recovering addict) and I had to earn back the trust of my family. I also have a few loved ones who are active or recovering addicts, so I know both sides of addiction. I just caught one going into my purse, not 2 hours ago...someone who I thought would NEVER try to take anything from me.

It hurts, but I know how addiction took over my mind and I try to remember that. I am trying to have compassion, but first must deal with the anger and I think that is normal.

BTW, welcome to SR. There are a lot of people here who understand what it's like to love an addict.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

coffeedrinker

sis,

have you started attending al-anon?

be prepared for the ways he tries to obtain money to support his habit, and how he's gonna lay into you to loosen the controls, are gonna start to ratchet up.

aah1977

Trust is something I've had a really hard time with. Even when my AH was in recovery I didn't trust him one bit. Before he left rehab we had a meeting with one of his counselors and he told us that it took his wife at least 5 years of him being in recovery to finally begin to trust again. My H and I are now separated for a whole host of reasons, but one of his complaints was that he couldn't live with my constant distrust of him. Like I enjoyed living with all the lying during his addiction, ha!

Just beware-if he doesn't get the money from you I'm afraid he will find other ways to get what he needs. For the last year I thought I had complete control of the finances and there was no way my husband could get what he wanted. He just figured out a way to make money without my knowledge.

For me the trust I felt in my husband when we were friends and just dating was one of the keys to my falling in love with him. Once that was broken it was very hard for us to move forward and now we are in a very ugly situation.

I don't have any advice for you because I'm walking the same road you are right now. Just know that others are out there dealing with the same thing!

sis42871

Thank you so much for talking to me. I am trying to cope with this trust issue, it is so hard.. He hasn't taken any narcotics for a week now and he is in pain so bad tonight which I can see so we get home from the store and he takes a sleeping pill. My son gets nervous because I didn't see him take it and he brings the bottle over to me so I can see what it was. My husband says well I need something to sleep because I am pain. I don't know how to react because a sleeping pill not a narcotic but, it just seems like he can't go a day without taking some kind of pill. Should I be angry that he took a sleeping pill? He has an appt Tuesday and is constantly saying well I don't think I am gonna have them put me on anything I am just gonna live with the pain. I don't think that is possible because it has only been a week and already he is taking a sleeping pill. I just hope that we can get help because if they can't get this pain under control my family is doomed. I can't imagine not having him in my life but, I beginning to wonder if it will be possible to stay together.

sis42871

No I haven't started attending al-anon but, I know I should. Thank you for your advice

sis42871

I feel exactly that way. He doesn't like that I don't trust him but, doesn't seem to realize that I don't like being lied to either. I don't enjoy questioning his every move when he wants to go some where. I can't even relax. He already gets money even if I don't give it to him, I had to tell his family not to lend him money because he is using to buy pills. I told his family if they give him money now that I have told him what he is doing with it than they are out of luck on getting a dime from me because I can't afford to support his habbit, I have to try and keep my finances in tack so I don't lose my house and other belongings because he wants to spend money he doesn't have and I don't have on pills. I hoping that this appt with doctor on Tuesday helps but, I suppose it all depends on if my husband is honest with them. I am going with him to discuss this situation and I want them to understand what he is doing. I guess only time will tell.

Impurrfect

((Sis)) there is a big difference, for us A's (addicts) in just not taking drugs and recovery. I did the "just not doing dope" for the better part of a year and I was pretty miserable...and I relapsed. That's when I truly hit bottom and I began what I call a program of recovery.

I started looking for the positives in my life that come with not using, rather than being ticked off about not being ABLE to use....huge difference.

Unfortunately, this is something YOU have no control over..it's totally up to him. If he isn't ready for recovery, and feels like being without pain pills is "punishment", he will likely try to make everyone around him just as miserable as he is.

On the other hand, al-anon, reading here and focusing on you will help YOU. He's going to do what he's going to do...that, I can promise. The best thing you can do is get support for you; focus on what you want from life and go for it. Protect your finances. Don't think "he'll never do ----" because if he wants pills bad enough, he'll do it. I've posted it before, but I never EVER thought the person who went in my purse, earlier, would really do that.

The people here helped me out tremendously, and I think al-anon has helped a lot of people, too, as well as the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beatty.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

dreamin143

Hello and thank you for sharing your story. I can totally relate to you. I have been through it all the last few years with my husband and his heroin addiction. I had NO CLUE he was using heroin, none..It started off when he was prescribed pain killers, which lead to "wow I can just buy a few bags of heroin and feel no pain and get my fix" Heroin has ruined our life together. I took the suggestions from the people I met on a few forums, and attended a few meeting myself. I kept saying " I didn't need to attend anything, I am sober" But in reality attending the meetings were the best thing for me. I still am lacking trust in my husband but that is because he has let me down so many times. I am praying for brighter days ahead. I wish you and your family well. Stay strong. Lisa

teke

sorry you are going through all of this. i understand you two made an agreement but because of my esp. with my own addiction and living with my ah's addiction, i'd have to say that as his addiction progresses, be prepared for him to resent this agreement. you may want to set some boundaries with consequences for yourself, centered around his using and protect your finances and other valuables. i pray that it don''t come to this, but better safe than sorry. you and yours are in my prayers