firekitty

I wrote a few days ago about how my husband has been using pain pills again and still going to meetings but not being honest with his sponsor. Well, he finally came clean with him and told him the truth about everything. So, he had to once again pick up a white chip. That was two days ago. We sat down and once again had a long talk about everything (he was clean and himself at the time). I let him come back home to give it one more try. I know, I know, but this really is going to be the last try. I told him that if I caught him using again, that he had to leave and he would not be returning. I will be going to file for divorce and that was final because I cannot do this again. I'm not going to drive myself crazy looking for drugs or checking up on his calls etc. I will just know and that will be it. I know that it's probably not the best decision but for myself, I have to see what happens with the last shimmer of hope that I have.

Well for the past two days when he has went to his meetings, he has asked me to get a babysitter for the kids and go with him to his meeting. I have declined both times because I don't want to go. When he was sober before for 5 years, I would go here and there when I felt comfortable. When I knew he was clean and feeling good about himself and working the program, I would go. But I don't want to go this soon. He starts over so much that I feel it's a waste of time for me. I also am stuck on the fact that I know he was taking pills and still going to meetings. He says if I go, it will help him more. I just don't think so. I don't want to go and put on fake smiles to these people and I also don't want to hear them tell me what a great person he is. I know he is a great person when he walks into those meetings but he is not a great person the rest of the time. I barely even like him right now because I am still so angry and hurt! Am I wrong? Am I being selfish by not going? I just don't see where me being there is going to change anything.

Insulated

I believe that your answer is no and there is no need to justify your answer to anyone.

Impurrfect

I agree with ((Cynical one)) - the only meeting I would go to, if I were you, would be an al-anon meeting.

If you don't want to go to the AA meetings with him, you have every right to make that decision and you don't have to justify it. HE is the one with the addiction, HE is the one that needs to do the work on his recovery. However, I strongly believe we loved ones usually need to do some recovery work of our own in most cases. I began recovery for my addiction only to find out I needed some serious work on my codependency.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Chino

I used to go to NA/AA meetings when I was looking for insight. I definitely found that and it really hammered home that none of it was about me, except for the DNA my daughter carries. Then it kind of hit me like a sledgehammer -- I need something that is about me. That's when I started looking at my own recovery (or lack of it and that's more truthful).

I asked my daughter one time if she wanted to go to an Alanon meeting with me. She said she had her own meetings

coffeedrinker

some selfish is ok. not only ok, but good.

this is one of 'em.