Sober versus Healthy and Sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: So Cal, California
Posts: 3
Sober versus Healthy and Sober
My dad has tried to kick his addiction for many years, and seems to do it for awhile. We just found out he relapsed again, and this have set our boundries and consquences. This time we dont want him to go through the motions and just get sober, but really get sober and work the program. My question, is how can we tell if he is just getting sober for us, or if he is getting sober for him to be healthy and sober.
I hope this makes since, and any feed back would be great!
I hope this makes since, and any feed back would be great!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
When My ABF goes to meetings, he is so calm, and centered. I think its like anything. I pour my stress into this board, and meetings, and I get the support I need, thus I am not taking my stress out on work, people and better yet myself. Call it a six sense, but there is an air of calmness I encounter when the addict and myself work a program. I also notice it's in the language. I notice some of the slogans are used more, in my case, it's "One day at a Time" (My ABF tends to say that when he goes to meetings.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi, welcome to sr. sorry about your dad but i'm glad you are here.
just my opinion only, if he really does want what recovery has to offer, his actions will show it without the help of other loved ones. you should eventually see a change in his behavior and his thinking. you will slowly see the addicted him leaving and the dad you knew before addiction, returning. you'll notice that he may be willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober. changing drug buddies, change places he use to hang out at, detaching himself from everyone and everything that he knows would trigger his addiction. he may want to go to meetings and get a sponsor, just because he wants to and sees that maybe he needs to. he'll realize he can't do it alone and that he can't depend on loved ones to do for him what he should do for himself. jmo
i'm a recovering addict with a few yrs clean and this is what worked for me.
just my opinion only, if he really does want what recovery has to offer, his actions will show it without the help of other loved ones. you should eventually see a change in his behavior and his thinking. you will slowly see the addicted him leaving and the dad you knew before addiction, returning. you'll notice that he may be willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober. changing drug buddies, change places he use to hang out at, detaching himself from everyone and everything that he knows would trigger his addiction. he may want to go to meetings and get a sponsor, just because he wants to and sees that maybe he needs to. he'll realize he can't do it alone and that he can't depend on loved ones to do for him what he should do for himself. jmo
i'm a recovering addict with a few yrs clean and this is what worked for me.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
When my daughter has been sober for anyone but herself, she's had dry drunk syndrome.
Same thing here with my AH. The behavior is there, drugs are not. Welcome to SR and so sorry you are here. It breaks my heart when kids are here for their parents.
Same thing here with my AH. The behavior is there, drugs are not. Welcome to SR and so sorry you are here. It breaks my heart when kids are here for their parents.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
hey dan,
you seem to be a bit in the know about recovery. i have wondered and guessed from time to time, but then those times when the addict in my life is "working it" happen, and it's like "oh, yeah. there it is." it's like in those other times i have forgotten or something, how clear it is.
with mine, the most telltale sign has to do with his negativity. either people around him are jerks, or just doing things that make him angry - or he just rolls with other people's bull poop. either his life is just too hard - or he has to work through this difficult thing. either he is sullen or cranky, or he is energetic and engaging. things really really get to him - or they roll off his back. he either says "everyone around me is making my life harder" or "i just have to stay positive and not be pulled down". it's really night and day. please believe me, i get it, but i kinda think that if you're asking, maybe he's not there?
you seem to be a bit in the know about recovery. i have wondered and guessed from time to time, but then those times when the addict in my life is "working it" happen, and it's like "oh, yeah. there it is." it's like in those other times i have forgotten or something, how clear it is.
with mine, the most telltale sign has to do with his negativity. either people around him are jerks, or just doing things that make him angry - or he just rolls with other people's bull poop. either his life is just too hard - or he has to work through this difficult thing. either he is sullen or cranky, or he is energetic and engaging. things really really get to him - or they roll off his back. he either says "everyone around me is making my life harder" or "i just have to stay positive and not be pulled down". it's really night and day. please believe me, i get it, but i kinda think that if you're asking, maybe he's not there?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
