Just Can't Get Away From It

Old 02-21-2010, 07:51 PM
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Just Can't Get Away From It

The A might not be here, but his mess doesn't ever go away. I swear every single weekend since he has been out of my house something else happens that I end up getting involved in. I thought this weekend was going to be different, HA!

I was just sitting in my PJs folding laundry on the floor and watching Desperate Housewives. All of a sudden the doorbell rang and I about jumped out of my skin. I was sort of frozen since I'm by myself I get a little jumpy and oddly my 2 labs didn't make a peep. The blinds are drawn so I looked out to see a cop shining his flashlight in. He asked for my husband and I told him he wasn't here. He asked if he always stayed out this late on Sunday and I said no he didn't (because even during his rock bottom with addiction if he wasn't at work, off-shore fishing or doing something with me and the baby he was here and we were in bed by 10:00). He asked if I knew when he would be back so I just said that we were seperating and I didn't really keep tabs on where he ws or what he was doing anymore. I asked if there was a message and he told me his first name and said my husband knew his number. I also asked him if he needed to come back after 7:30 could he please knock because I have a toddler sleeping. It was odd because I've learned over the last year that when they come to arrest you they always have two officers with two different cars. This was one officer in one car and he acted like he knew my husband.

I called my husband several times and of course he didn't answer. I called his parents in case he was staying there I felt he needed to know the police were looking for him. Of course his dad is in total denial over his son's situation. He annoys the you know what out of me because he acts like his son is this saint who is trying very hard. He got all self-ritious about AH doing so good, having the right people in his life, and trying to be a good dad. I just couldn't take it so I told him who he really is living with, that he hasn't given me a penny since he has been gone and that he sees his son once maybe twice a week unlike everyday as he tells his parents. His dad just said more annoying stuff because his son can't possibly be lying it has to be me the heartless b#$ch that isn't being supportive of their precious angel.

AH called while I was talking to FIL so I clicked over. He said he has no idea what the cop would want and he doesn't know any cops personally. I have no idea what is going on and really don't want to know. No matter how hard I try to detach things like this come up and I some how end up involved.
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Old 02-21-2010, 08:02 PM
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aah

"....some how end up involved. "

You're not involved, you just answered the door.

As for your FIL....try not to judge them harshly. I know a couple of weeks ago I was fuming at the absolute denial and enabling of my AH's parents. But then I had to remember, it took me 10 years to actually see him as a very sick person who lies about everything. I can't blame them for being clueless, after all I was too for a long long time.

I just looked at everyone else as the enemy, and as the blame for my poor poor man's problems. I'm sure they're looking at everyone the same way too.

All in good time.

PS~ Was the cop good looking at least?


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Old 02-21-2010, 08:13 PM
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Originally Posted by sofacat View Post
aah

"....some how end up involved. "

You're not involved, you just answered the door.

As for your FIL....try not to judge them harshly. I know a couple of weeks ago I was fuming at the absolute denial and enabling of my AH's parents. But then I had to remember, it took me 10 years to actually see him as a very sick person who lies about everything. I can't blame them for being clueless, after all I was too for a long long time.

I just looked at everyone else as the enemy, and as the blame for my poor poor man's problems. I'm sure they're looking at everyone the same way too.

All in good time.

PS~ Was the cop good looking at least?


I know I'm not involved, but I try to put all his mess aside, but it seems to always get dumped in my lap.

I've had a very rocky relationship with my IL's since my husband and I first started dating-way, way, way before he got involved with drugs. This is just a perfect opportunity for them to have a real reason for not liking me. I'm the cause of the drug use AND now I'm abandoning him. His addiction has made our relationship even worse. I know it must be horrible having a child that is so lost and I try to remember that, but they've been horrible to me long before this situation existed.

And, funny enough the cop was HOT (I don't usually go for the\cop type)! When I called my husband he asked what the cop looked like and I told him that he was good-looking. He didn't laugh, but I could care less!
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Old 02-21-2010, 08:23 PM
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funny enough the cop was HOT

Well then I'm glad you answered the door.
At least something nice came from the interruption, and you have his card too.....Hmmmmmmm.
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Old 02-22-2010, 06:41 AM
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i'm sorry you keep having reminders of the very thing you're trying to get past. i agree with sofa. his parents are HIS parents. in time, hopefully they will understand how you've felt all this time. try not to take what they are saying too personal either, after all, you already know they are in denial so everything right now, has to be someone elses fault.

even though the cops came to your door, you are not involved just reminded of a probable reason why he's not there in the first place. still praying for you both.
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Old 02-22-2010, 06:58 AM
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As for the cop, he sounds like he is investigating something. The best thing you can do is stay out of it. Act like it's no big deal he was asking for your AH. Don't mention it again.

I found staying out of my AH's business lead me to more peace. I began to not care what he was doing, or what others thought of me for not standing by him anymore. Just "let it go!!" ...... One day at a time.

Sofa is right, when you think of the many years you were in denial to the problem, how many years were his parents. Parents always want to think the best of their children anyway.....they think they would be a bad parent if they thought negative of him. I thought the same way. I was the best cheerleader of everything good. I thought if I thought positive thoughts about them, the problems would go away, they could do no wrong, I could do no wrong. They were the best at this and that. It's all pride!!! Codies will do anything to look like the normal healthy family when in reality everything is crumbling. Only then did I realize I and them needed God's help. I choose Gods help, and I pray for God to help them also!! I hope this helps you understand.
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Old 02-22-2010, 09:00 AM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
i don't wanna be the worry wort here....but that whole thing sounds awfully suspicious.......
A warning bell went off in my head, too. The only time an officer came out to my house by himself was to investigate a traffic incident and it was during the day. Otherwise, all criminal activity calls have been in groups of two or more. This sounds more like a personal call to me.
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Old 02-22-2010, 06:13 PM
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[QUOTE=anvilhead;2523651]i don't wanna be the worry wort here....but that whole thing sounds awfully suspicious.......i think for my ownpiece of mind i'd contact the police and verify that there was indeed an officer sent to the property last nite. in the future, i'd suggest asking to see a badge and a business card....
QUOTE]

I was shown his badge and I saw his marked car in my driveway (which was also weird because I know if they are coming to arrest you they park down the street so you don't see them pull in and run). I was extremely suspicious and nervous last night. I knew from my husband's prescripation fraud case that the police don't operate like that. Some things have come to light today that I'm trying to process at the moment. It explains a whole lot about the strange 180 in behavior over the last month.

About my IL's I try very hard to be in their shoes since I am a mother and couldn't imagine how this would feel if my son was an addict. However, my issues with them have been around longer than my husband's addiction and I have very little patience for them. They have always been very rude and disrespectful towards me and they love to take jabs at me at every opportunity to blame all of my husband's problems on me. If it was just that they hadn't come to terms with my husband's addiction I could be more understanding, but our issues are far deeper than that. I will try to be less harsh though!
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Old 02-23-2010, 06:24 PM
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I have been really messed up since the cop came to my door on Sunday. My husband won't give me any answers so I actually called his lawyer today and told him my concerns over this officer being at my house. He couldn't really tell me much since I'm not his client or anything, but he told me just to call the police to see if an officer was dispatched. I found out that the officer was dispatched so I do feel better about that although I don't know the reason. It wasn't to arrest him though because they did tell me they will send 2 officers for a warrant (which I already knew).

I just want some peace! Once I got all that squared away I thought maybe I could let everything go and stop focusing on his mess. WRONG! There as a voicemail waiting when I got home from a car rental place. H's truck was hit 2 weeks ago by a woman 2 that slid on ice and she tried to run. Luckily she got arrested and her insurance is paying to fix his truck. Anyway,the body shop hasn't even begun fixing the truck because there was a 50 car pile up in our town that same day so they are super busy. The rental company wants their truck back until his truck can be fixed (it is still driveable) and if he doesn't take it back they will back charge MY credit card from Friday. They had it on file from a time we used them last year. They called me the day he went to pick the rental up and I stupidly agreed they could still use it because I've had rentals plenty and have never been charged-it is just thing they ask for "in case". I've been calling H all day to tell him to take the rental back and pick his truck up, but he is totally ignoring me. He answered the phone once and when I started to talk about the situation he said "yeah, yeah, yeah, that insurance company needs to pay for it because their client hit me!" and he hung up. So, now I have to put a hold on my card so they can't charge it and I'm guessing they will then report the vehicle missing.

Detaching just seems so impossible when you are married to the addict. No matter how hard I try to not get mixed up in his caios it always finds me!
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Old 02-23-2010, 07:05 PM
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aah,

call your credit card company a.s.a.p. and get that card cancelled, with the issue of a new one on its way. no way should you be stuck with that bill just cuz you said "sure" a week ago (or whenever). if i ended up getting stuck with that bill, i'd be so steaming, hoppin, jumpin, red-hot mad.
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