cmhcali

So I get out of class today at 12:30 PM to hear a 3:30 minute voicemail from my now exABF making a drug deal to his dope dealer. The whole conversation from the time the guy got into the car until the time he left. I am so sick to my stomach. He seemed SO HAPPY!!! I am lost!

Chino

I was out of town when my daughter was in a nasty car wreck over a year ago. I got the phone call at 4am and quickly packed my bags, changed my flight to leave in 3 hours, and drove as fast a I could up the interstate to the airport.

During the 30 minute drive, I started freaking out about my daughter's injuries. Out of nowhere I heard a voice say, "It's not you, you're OK."

It was the truth and all the reminder I needed, that it didn't actually happen to me.

sofacat

Oh honey...I'm so sorry.

But it sounds like he's the one that's lost, not you.

You have your program... you have us.

He will pull himself up when he is good and ready....nothing anyone can do until he does.

((((( hugs )))))

hello-kitty

Sometimes just hearing the voice of an ex boyfriend can turn my stomach. But it passes quickly. It's nothing I want to hold onto - I can choose not to give him that much power over my day.

On the bright side, this should reinforce your decision to make him your ex!

suki44883

Have you considered blocking his number from your phone?

cmhcali

Thanks everyone I definitely need the support. How do you block a number?

cmhcali

Ok so I am sitting here thinking (just bad overall), why the hell doesnt he call or text me. What the hell happens when people start doing heroin? I hear my friends in program say how they blew and they care, but why doesnt he care?

Yes I am going to alanon. Cant wait for saturday just need some experience to know I am not alone! And I keep texting him which makes me see how sick and codie I am!

Insulated

That darned butt dialing! I recall too many of those calls going right to my voice mail and the butt didn't know. Oh yeah, the day after he got out of inpatient rehab, on the way to outpatient rehab, telling the taxi driver "i'm sick of my ol'lady and want her gone". Uh huh, I played it for him. He denied it, lied about it, blamed me for it. Sometimes the HP in our lives gives us just the smack in the face we need with irrefutable evidence.

Insulated

And of course I'm going to have an after thought and take a different angle. WOMAN! Buy a new phone and get a new number. Someday, HIS phone could wind up in discovery and the calls to you???? YOUR phone could wind up in discovery. Been there, done that, got a NEW phone.

hello-kitty

This is not about you. Heroin is the center of his universe. He's just doing what addicts do. Have you read the sticky? The what addicts do sticky?

The only way you are going to feel better is if you take the focus off of him and put it on your own life - your bright future without a heroin addict sucking the life out of you.

This is YOUR time! Let go or be dragged.

cmhcali

Thanks I am letting go! Today is a good day He did text me yesterday to say he was too scared to call me after the text messages I left him the other night (about the voicemail drug transaction he left). That he is fine and staying at his parents. Hmmm! He is too scared because he knows he got busted...

teke

i'm sorry you had to go through this but i'm glad to hear that he's safe and that you've decided to let go. i pray that he finds his way real soon.

coffeedrinker

i think you're gonna feel a lot better when you really and truly put this man in your past. currently he is still in your present.

i would consider just getting a new phone number, then send a mass text to everyone (else) what it is. otherwise, go to your phone company's website and find out how to block him if possible.

i learned a lot about addiction/heroin addiction when i felt i just needed to understand. i think i do now.
ya know how you obsess over him and when you can't get hold of him you can't even think about anything else til you hear from him and when you wake up in the middle of the night he's the first thought in your head? i think it's like that - that drive, that obsession - with the need for the next fix. but it's so much more powerful, so they can't really even function like a regular person until that need is met. when in deep addiction, it really is a physical need, it's like their very life depends on it. as soon as mine was set up to score, he always got a spring in his step and it was like he was manic he seemed in such a good mood. i of course didn't know why the mood change, but in hindsight i realized.

i think the most important thing right now, cali, is that you really do let go of him. you will never be at peace until you do.

cmhcali

Yeah. I am in the process of letting go Slow but steady. I want no future with him which is a step in the right direction, and although I am not ready to date in the near future I am finding other men attractive which for me is a huge step. This happens when I become alive again in my soul.

I know everything he says is a lie. He text me that he went to a mens meeting last night. I dont believe him and the beautiful thing is I know many men that go there and I have no desire to find out if he was really there or not That is a step!!!! And he leaves in 9 days for the army (pre-deployment training for Iraq), so I will not be hearing from him anyways!!!!

Carol Star

Try going no contact one day at a time. I am glad you are going to Alanon. I am glad he is going to Iraq. Like Hello-Kitty said......LET GO OR BE DRAGGED!

jerect

You can call your cell phone provider and they will block it for you.. at least Verizon will do it...

I would just change your number completely, your cell provider can do that for you also..