jacksdaughter

Haven't been here in a while seems like all has been going well. AS stays with us maybe once a week and up till now he has seemed like he has been doing well. The problem is I don't know what to look for last night was the first time I thought "oh no maybe he's using again". He personality was just a bit off (now that I know what he's like when he's not using) and his pupils were very tiny. But other than that the evening seemed okay. He's been respecting the boundaries I have made for myself as far as no one sleeping over etc.. but the one about his not using I'm not sure how to enforce as I can't really tell unless his behavior is extreme and he's not going to tell me.
thanks for any input... have a great day today!

Done_With_It

Kind of a common problem I've seen.
I remember being accused by a good friend of using after I wasn't,
and one thing was my pupils they said were small? I was like wth? lol


If he is following the rules, respecting your the boundaries you set I would
let him be as much as you can, esp. if he's only staying their once a week. He's going to have a lot of ups and downs, learning to live off of drugs is hard and emotional.

IF he is using, you should see signs and not have to look for them.

JMO

jacksdaughter

Thanks... that's what I was thinking.

leelee5675

Good advice from done-with-it. I suspected my AD was using again by her behavior. Just like you, I saw her sober again (which was nice) so the addictive behavior really jumped out at me when it started again. I didn't say a word because I had no proof, but began to watch her closely.

It wasn't until her brother caught her stealing my medication (I take narcotics for arthritis) from my purse that I confronted her and had her move out of my house again. I didn't drag her brother in on it, I just told her I had no hard proof but I just "knew". She knows I used to count my pills in order to catch her, so she probably thought it was that.

We have been through so much with these addicts that it's hard to not jump to conclusions. My fear of living that nightmare again is overwhelming sometimes. I still have custody of my 4-yr-old granddaughter, which has taken my life as I knew it away from me. But she's a joy and I'll protect her till the day I die if I have to.

Good luck, stay aware, and we'll all pray he stays sober.

BBD

Hi jacksdaughter, It's a hard call and trusting takes a while if not years so I really suggest going with your heart. You know how your son acts on drugs (I'm sure)) but superguessing can drive us bananas. Stick to your rules, guard your things and pray life straightens out.....Hugs hon, Bonnie

Spiritual Seeker

Why does he stay over once per week?

That is one day per week to test your own stuff and how well you are doing not being co-dependent.

jacksdaughter

He stays with us once a week because our home is actually his address. The rest of the week he lives at his girlfriends (she lives with her mother). I know it's weird and I don't like it but I've backed out he's going to be 29 and I guess he can live where he wants and the mother is putting up with it. He claims he is looking for a place so we'lls ee.

Spiritual Seeker

it appears that there is a whole team of people enabling your son's behavior to continue and for him to stay in an immature state of being. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

teke

i think time will tell you what you need to know, just keep the focus on you. you both are in my prayers.