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What is acceptable

Old 02-15-2010, 07:27 PM
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What is acceptable

My exABF's mom called me yesterday and she knows something is up and is looking to me for reassurance and I didnt know what to say. From the conversation she does not know that her son and I are not together and I did try to tell her that but she was in panic mode and did not hear it. She apparently does not know her son relapsed and I did not tell her he did. I did not know what was acceptable and it does not feel right that I did not tell her. She asked if she could call me again and I told her yes. I did not want to say no to someone that needs to talk and that I love very dearly. She is the kindest woman I have ever met.

Advice?
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Old 02-15-2010, 07:54 PM
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did not tell her he did. I did not know what was acceptable and it does not feel right that I did not tell her.

You probably did the right thing at that moment as she was in a tizzy. Now, as many people as possible need to know in my book. He's committing suicide.
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Old 02-15-2010, 08:04 PM
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yeah, i guess i think that if she is sensing something's up, she is looking to you for something. she trusts you. i wonder if the next time you talk, you can try to determine what that is, whether it is confirmation, reassurance or something else. she just caught you off guard, and you don't want to hurt her. but she will find out he's fallen eventually.
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Old 02-16-2010, 06:24 AM
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Thanks! Today I am a wreck. I have not heard from him which I know is not good and not my business. But you are right I feel like he is committing suicide and I am not saying anything. Not my problem but still hard.
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Old 02-16-2010, 06:38 AM
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give info on the "need to know" basis. I usually reduce the answer to a yes or no or some other one word response and then I shut up. If you feel she's using you as a sounding board, or to vent, just let her and maybe it would be an opportunity to recommend the co-dependent no more direction?
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Old 02-16-2010, 11:29 AM
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Yeah you are right. A friend suggested I mail her some alanon information. I may do that.

Today was hectic. His roommate reached out to me to see if I had heard from Mike as he hasnt been home. Got me upset that something may have happened. But he is fine. And it is none of my business where he is and I need to remember that.
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