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What should I do, what should I do?

Old 02-17-2010, 08:50 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by helpformyson View Post
My son has been through detox 4 times and the complete rehab once before. He has been in jail 4 times...all drug related.

This is the longest he has been in jail, because of the advice of his attorney, I bailed him out the three previous times. NOT THIS TIME.

The last time he was in rehab, he did not follow through and by his own admittance, he did not work the program. He is now saying things that I have never heard him say in the past 6 years. He has FINALLY admitted that he has lost control of his life and is powerless over the drugs, that his life has been filled with bad decisions and lastly, that if he does not stop, he will die. He misses the family (who will have no contact while he is using), he wants to return back to college and make something of himself.

I will not bail him out and he needs to take responsibility for his choices. I told him that if this is the only time that he is clean in his life, I hope the judge keeps him locked up for a long time. He has always skated on his other drug crimes and was adjucated in the past. He will be going back in front of the judge this week and will probably get his adjucation revoked and be deemed a felon. He will not be able to get back into a college if he is a felon.

My concern is that Miami can be a really rough place. If he gets picked up hitch hiking, he will go back to jail as he has no ID on him. He does not have any money and may pan handle which may also get him picked up. Either way he will go back to jail for either of these things.

I told him I would not pick him up unless it was to take him straight into rehab. (He told me he wanted to go back into rehab before I mentioned giving him a ride).

I know addicts lie and my son has told me so many lies that I stopped listening to pretty much anything that comes out of his mouth. There is something different in what he is saying this time. I can't put my finger on it, but it feels different and real. Call it a gut feeling that he has really reached his bottom and is now admitting it.

I wrote him a long letter while he has been in jail. He said it took him 4 days to read it because he kept crying and jail is not the place to be crying. He said it really hit home and he realized that I would no longer enable him or help him, that he was completely on his own. He has lost all the good friends who do not want to be around him and he realizes that the other addicts will enable him to kill himself. He has no one and he is lost. I believe he is ready and I think he really means it this time.
Don't know if you've made your choice, read over your thread again.
I would probably help him just because of the Miami part of it.

JMO...
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Old 02-17-2010, 01:50 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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(((help))),
Not sure if you have come up with a decision yet. As the mother of 2 addict sons, (I know, just lucky) I know how our heart hurts when they're in trouble, and the worrying sets in.

My answer would be to leave him be. He's been in jail before, he knows the ropes. And who really knows when anyone else is at their bottom? I know my oldest has been at his bottom about 8 times now.



Hugs and hugs.........
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Old 02-18-2010, 08:02 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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((((Help)))) I also have an addict son- I used to be on this board alot (my posts disappeared) a few years ago- it was constant drama- jail, bail, more drugs...blah blah blah....then he went to prison in October of 2007-nothing I could do about it. It was scarey for me- and I think scarey for him too- he had to do 15 months minimum to meet the requirements of his sentence but he could have done 4 plus years. Guess what? He followed the rules- made his way from medium security- to minimum security- and to a work center- and got out in January of 2009. He has worked for 2 years in a row now (no lapses in employment) and he was promoted last week to the general manager position at the fitness club he works at.

My point is this...when I bailed and worked myself into a tizzy finding options for him- Drug Court- failed out, In Patient Treatment- completed it but was using within 2 months, bailing him out repeatedly (once for over $100k- would love to have that back)-he wasn't ready!! The day he went to prison- I thought my heart was going to break- I cried like a baby in the courthouse- but guess what?? I now know G*D had him exactly where he needed to be...prison or jail is not the worst thing in the world for our kids- it feels like it but it really isn't

You have to do what you can live with but think long and hard before you rescue him...

With love
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Old 02-18-2010, 04:50 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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" Miami can be a really rough place" this is definitely distorted thinking.
Your son has surely put himself into many rough neighborhoods, houses, cars, etc.
as an addict...and he managed his way out of them. Don't discount his survival skills.

You know that you can't keep doing what you're doing and expect diff. results.

Be sure you know if this is the right time to step in...or if it would be better to wait.
Sometimes we have to detach until we can see they are truly willing,

That being said: Once your son is dismissed from jail and if you have a rehab lined up and ready to receive him on the same day, with no stops at home...why not take him to treatment, especially if it is a long-term treatment.
For most of our young adult children...it takes many attempts at recovery. Unfortunately they have to hit some hard bottoms with some big consequences and know that there are no more bail-outs from family. Only then might they be willing. Once they are sober we still have to let them clean up the wreckage or their past on their own.
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Old 02-19-2010, 05:28 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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He goes in front of the judge next week. Personally, I hope he gets the three years, because that is three more years he will be alive. He was able to contact me and told me that there are drugs in jail as well. Pot, coke and pills...all brought in by the trustees and guards. He insists that he did not use because he did not want to go through withdrawls again. Heard that before. The judge may order him to long term rehab, that would be probably be better than jail because at least there is counseling. At this point who knows. I am leaving it in Gods hands....but I may have to give him a ride into rehab because he has no $, no ID, no clothes, no phone (once he gets out). He knows he needs long term rehab. We will see how committed he is this time. If he chooses not to go, I am wiping my hands clean of this whole thing. Enough.
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