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Staying on track.. I am distancing myself from my relationship with my sig other and Im having a hard time for instance when we have a good time together etc. it pulls my heartstrings. I know this is really annoying to hear from me- it annoys MYSELF but I am being honest so that I can work through it. I know that it is a cycle...logically. My brain says one thing and my heart another. I am wondering how you guys cope with this...any tips on staying on track? It really makes me feel crazy theses ups and downs of emotion. :headbange |
i have asked the exact same question... except the good time you mention was of a more intimate nature.... i still dont know the answer to it. hope you have better luck with finding a balance with it. |
Have you tried NO CONTACT? For Me, it was the only way I could learn to breathe on my own again, so to speak. I don't know if I would be as far along emotionally if I was still spending time with my man...my addict man, my sober man, my addict man, my sober man. whew! That ride is just too bumpy. :coaster Try to get some distance between you, even if it's just for one day...then that can turn into another day, and so on.....baby steps are good. |
All I can say is that, eventually, you get sick of it. I used to feel this way too. When things were really good, I got weak. When things went back south I'd get sad and felt determination to detach. After a while, the "good times" just felt fake. And you don't enjoy them because you're too busy bracing yourself for the fall you know lies ahead. I don't experience the ups and downs so much myself anymore. Abf goes through his ups and downs and can't understand why they don't affect me. Why don't I cave when he's being REALLY nice and attentive? And why don't I feel bad when he isn't feeling well? Just doesn't affect me like that anymore. I guess that is detachment. And, from my experience, I don't think it's anything you can force... it just happens when you're ready. |
I can SO relate Same thing I'm going through here. Although THIS time, I didnt let him come back home. I see him when I want to, and still live my life for me. Yes, it is really hard having a line drawn, but the line protects me too. I struggle with the idea that yes he is clean right now, but will it last? and what are the chances that he will repeat the same pattern? It is very difficult when the person that destroyed you is now "almost" the person that you fell in love with. For the first time in my life, things are on MY terms and not his. I had pretty much no-contact for about a year because he was incarcerated and possibly that gave me the strength not to cave into his tears and promises again? I made the decision that for right now, NOBODY is going to have that kind of power over my heart, that I am in self-preservation mode. Before I make a decsion I ask myself "Will this benefit me and/or my kids" and as far as I'm concerned that is all that matters right now. The best "advice" I can give you is..BE true to Yourself!! Good Luck |
Originally Posted by findmyway
(Post 2516573)
I am distancing myself from my relationship with my sig other and Im having a hard time for instance when we have a good time together etc. |
Originally Posted by outtolunch
(Post 2517484)
How exactly does one distance themself from a relationship and have a good time together? And yes I am distancing myself I have a plan and am following through a step at a time. |
I can relate......the feeling fake.....waiting for the other shoe to drop.....that is why I have gone NC......hard stuff but gets easier..... |
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