Expectations
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Expectations
Happy Valentines Day!
What a beautiful day for lovers. The roses, the candy, the breakfast in bed, ohhhhh such lavish pampering.....
Errrk, slam, stomp, wow what a night last night was, wasn't it? Oh yea, I forgot, happy valentines day, where is my shoes, I've got to go out.
or...hi honey, I'm sooooo sorry about last night, here let me make it up to you, I will treat you like a queen today, and everything will just be made right.
When living with an addict, the build up to this morning can be excruciating. We want and dream of the first one, but more times than not, end up with one of the last two. And no matter what we do or what they do, we feel disappointed, let down somehow. I'll even go so far as to say cheated.
I don't care if they do everything perfect, we still feel cheated somehow. Why?
Because we have built ourselves up to all of these expectations of what love and happiness should be. The hallmark card dream world. Every thing that we expect our partners to be and do. We know, that even if they are that person for a day, that it is just pretend, it's not who they really are on a day to day basis. And that even on this day, we are on guard, looking for the signs, waiting for that darn shoe to drop.
For many many years, this day always spelled heartbreak for me. As I've grown, I realize that I created my own heartbreak with my very own expectations.
What my partner does or doesn't do for me, does not define me. I define me. I am a good person, heck I'm a really great person. I no longer need a card to validate that. I've let go of any expectations of what this day will be or should be and it is no longer dreaded with this crazy hope that maybe this year it will be different. This year is different, not because of my partner, but because of me.
Letting go of my expectations freed my heart to just enjoy the day, do the things that I want today as my own special reward. If I want to kick back in my jammies and not even get dressed all day, lay around and read a book, sip my coffee and just relax, what better day could I ask for.
I don't need someone else to pamper me today, I've learned how to pamper myself.
I hope all of you out there that feel a little bit let down today, or maybe you have a day that reminds you of how things used to be, before addiction, I hope you find it in yourself to pamper yourself today, do what you want to do, not what anyone expects you to do.
Nature has brought you gifts to enjoy if you just go for a walk and see them, and it doesn't fade away like flowers.
Happy Valentines Day my friends, my sisters (and brothers). Embrace the beauty around you, and let the expectations go.
B
What a beautiful day for lovers. The roses, the candy, the breakfast in bed, ohhhhh such lavish pampering.....
Errrk, slam, stomp, wow what a night last night was, wasn't it? Oh yea, I forgot, happy valentines day, where is my shoes, I've got to go out.
or...hi honey, I'm sooooo sorry about last night, here let me make it up to you, I will treat you like a queen today, and everything will just be made right.
When living with an addict, the build up to this morning can be excruciating. We want and dream of the first one, but more times than not, end up with one of the last two. And no matter what we do or what they do, we feel disappointed, let down somehow. I'll even go so far as to say cheated.
I don't care if they do everything perfect, we still feel cheated somehow. Why?
Because we have built ourselves up to all of these expectations of what love and happiness should be. The hallmark card dream world. Every thing that we expect our partners to be and do. We know, that even if they are that person for a day, that it is just pretend, it's not who they really are on a day to day basis. And that even on this day, we are on guard, looking for the signs, waiting for that darn shoe to drop.
For many many years, this day always spelled heartbreak for me. As I've grown, I realize that I created my own heartbreak with my very own expectations.
What my partner does or doesn't do for me, does not define me. I define me. I am a good person, heck I'm a really great person. I no longer need a card to validate that. I've let go of any expectations of what this day will be or should be and it is no longer dreaded with this crazy hope that maybe this year it will be different. This year is different, not because of my partner, but because of me.
Letting go of my expectations freed my heart to just enjoy the day, do the things that I want today as my own special reward. If I want to kick back in my jammies and not even get dressed all day, lay around and read a book, sip my coffee and just relax, what better day could I ask for.
I don't need someone else to pamper me today, I've learned how to pamper myself.
I hope all of you out there that feel a little bit let down today, or maybe you have a day that reminds you of how things used to be, before addiction, I hope you find it in yourself to pamper yourself today, do what you want to do, not what anyone expects you to do.
Nature has brought you gifts to enjoy if you just go for a walk and see them, and it doesn't fade away like flowers.
Happy Valentines Day my friends, my sisters (and brothers). Embrace the beauty around you, and let the expectations go.
B
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Beautiful post!
When I examine myself at times when anger or resentments build up, I always find it's because I again had expectations about how I thought another person should act or react. It's easy to slide back into that mode...At least now I recognize it and can jump back out again. I love the expression "when we change the way we look at things the things we look at change."
Happy Valentine's day Frankly...Hope you treat yourself to whatever it is your heart desires today! I'm going to put on the snow shoes, get out the camera and enjoy the beauty of tons of snow. Can't change it, so may as well enjoy it. Then maybe a little hot chocolate and lots of Olympics
Thanks for all the strength, experience and wisdom you share.
When I examine myself at times when anger or resentments build up, I always find it's because I again had expectations about how I thought another person should act or react. It's easy to slide back into that mode...At least now I recognize it and can jump back out again. I love the expression "when we change the way we look at things the things we look at change."
Happy Valentine's day Frankly...Hope you treat yourself to whatever it is your heart desires today! I'm going to put on the snow shoes, get out the camera and enjoy the beauty of tons of snow. Can't change it, so may as well enjoy it. Then maybe a little hot chocolate and lots of Olympics
Thanks for all the strength, experience and wisdom you share.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Greet)) Grab a plastic trash can lid, find a small bank and sled down it. I did the other day and it was better than I remember as a kid. Jerry was like, no no, I'm too old, I made him sit down and I pushed him. Then when I was tired and wanted to go in, he was like, no no, one more time. LOL
Those simple things in life are priceless.
Hugs my friend
B
Those simple things in life are priceless.
Hugs my friend
B
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
The overwhelming majority of the world's population is unaware of Valentines Day. They are not exposed to a lifetime of professonal marketing designed to..... sell product.
The marketing is so good that for millions, self worth depends on what someone else does or not, for them, on Valentine's Day.
The marketing is so good that for millions, self worth depends on what someone else does or not, for them, on Valentine's Day.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Great thread as usual, Frankly.
I have been married for about 100 years to a good man, my best friend...who is an absolute bumble when it comes to romantic Valentine Days. I have known he is this way for about 99 years. I stopped expecting him to change about 15 years ago (when I found recovery, lol).
Now I make plans how I will enjoy the day and if he wants to come along, that's fine with me.
Today we hit the sales and I shopped while he went for coffee, we went for a walk on the beach and picked up "take out" for dinner. He's happy, I'm happy and all's well that ends well.
My point is, nobody holds the key to our happiness except we ourselves. Hallmark hates people like me, and it's just as well because I never did fit any of their molds.
Happy Valentines Day, dear friends. Love yourself and know you are loved by all of us.
Hugs
I have been married for about 100 years to a good man, my best friend...who is an absolute bumble when it comes to romantic Valentine Days. I have known he is this way for about 99 years. I stopped expecting him to change about 15 years ago (when I found recovery, lol).
Now I make plans how I will enjoy the day and if he wants to come along, that's fine with me.
Today we hit the sales and I shopped while he went for coffee, we went for a walk on the beach and picked up "take out" for dinner. He's happy, I'm happy and all's well that ends well.
My point is, nobody holds the key to our happiness except we ourselves. Hallmark hates people like me, and it's just as well because I never did fit any of their molds.
Happy Valentines Day, dear friends. Love yourself and know you are loved by all of us.
Hugs
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
"Expect nothing, Appreciate everything." Maia Khan
speaking for myself...sometimes I expect
Mr. Moose to read my mind and know what I want.....I can't believe THAT doesn't work....LOL
speaking for myself...sometimes I expect
Mr. Moose to read my mind and know what I want.....I can't believe THAT doesn't work....LOL
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Along these lines today (Valentine's Day & expectations) - I have to say exceeded any expectations I could ever have imagined ever having (and don't that make it all the more wonderful?)
My new fiancee (yes, you read right) and his two boys planned the BEST day! the boys are 8 and 11. I got a heart key chain, flowers, candle, candy, cards - picked out and written by each of them seperately expressing their love and gratitude, taken out to lunch, my car door opened and closed for me by one or another of them, my chair pulled out by one of them... All behaving like gentlemen!!!
Today I learned that I LOVE having no expectations. Married to the XAH, I gave up expectations (thankfully) a long long time ago - especially on such a "hallmark" day - but for my fiancee and his boys, they told me that they liked this day as a reminder to pay attention to the people in their lives that they love and to take the time to express that love.
What a wonderful bunch of "boys" I happened to fall in to - and all with no expectations... I would have been just fine today - with a mention, no mention, card or no card -
If I had had expectations of what today "should" have been, I have a funny feeling I would have missed what it was!!!
(((hugs))) to all
My new fiancee (yes, you read right) and his two boys planned the BEST day! the boys are 8 and 11. I got a heart key chain, flowers, candle, candy, cards - picked out and written by each of them seperately expressing their love and gratitude, taken out to lunch, my car door opened and closed for me by one or another of them, my chair pulled out by one of them... All behaving like gentlemen!!!
Today I learned that I LOVE having no expectations. Married to the XAH, I gave up expectations (thankfully) a long long time ago - especially on such a "hallmark" day - but for my fiancee and his boys, they told me that they liked this day as a reminder to pay attention to the people in their lives that they love and to take the time to express that love.
What a wonderful bunch of "boys" I happened to fall in to - and all with no expectations... I would have been just fine today - with a mention, no mention, card or no card -
If I had had expectations of what today "should" have been, I have a funny feeling I would have missed what it was!!!
(((hugs))) to all
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Well, my day was great. My son had fixed breakfast for his gf and he told Jerry and I we could have what was left over. Then my friends Don and Joanell invited us over for grilled burgers with home made pineapple upside down cake. We watched the races and just laughed and joked and discussed politics and corruption in the government. I got tired, left Jerry at D & J's and I went home and took a 4 hour nap. Yes I feel refreshed. It was a beautiful day. My puppies curled up next to me, watching animal channel.
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