aah1977

I feel it all the time!!

I hate being labeled something because I loved someone who I have known litterally my entire life. When I feel in love with him he had never touched drugs or drank. When we got married 9 years into our relationship he wasn't using drugs and was just a social drinker. When we started trying for a child he wasn't using drugs. When he started to use and came to me letting me know there was a problem what was I gonna do? I didn't have any experience with addiction, no family members or friends had ever been through this. I did research about what to do. I would like to meet someone that was in a longterm committed relationship that at the first signs of trouble jumps ship. I think it was a process for me to get where I was-the craziness that to me was a direct result of the addiction. I can say that I've had my share of problems since this whole mess started.

What gets me is that I knew from the get go I didn't cause it, I knew I couldn't control it our cure it. I never thought I could. Unlike what one of the other posters said that she "allowed" someone who did drugs, lied, manipulated, and stole into her life I didn't allow that person into my life. A good and loving person was already in my life when they chose to go down that path. And because of that I now get a lable and years of therapy. Yes, it pisses me off! I just tell myself that in the long run having gone through this experience will have made me a better person.

meditation

I don't know if this helps but nobody likes the labels. I am a recovery addict and I could be the female version of your addict. I hated drugs, never touched them, drank maybe 4 drinks a year tops. I had multiple surgeries and became addicted to my pills. I lost my career over it. My husband stayed with me and supported me. As part of my recovery program I go to a mandated therapy along with mandated step meetings and mandated support groups so I can recover and so I can attempt to regain my lost career.
I despise the label of being an addict. Nothing is fair about how it started or happened. My husband would not say that any of this is fair either.
But I have learned so much about myself and how I tick. I was by profession a nurse and co-dependent was my middle name along with a obessive compulsive disorder..... and a need to fix the world of any wrong. I was perfect for addiction, I needed an escape from my superhero status of fixing everybody. But now I learn I can't fix people or things. I can only not take drugs. I would not wish any of this on anybody it's not fair but neither is any disease or calamity. I just try to learn from the past but live for today and try to not worry about tomorrow. It is probably easier to be the addict in a marriage than the spouse. I hope you find your peace.

Chino

I'm still in a long term committed relationship with my qualifier, who happens to be my 22 year old daughter. She wasn't born an addict but she became one after many years. On the other hand, I was co-dependent before she was born and already exhibiting the behaviors with other people in my life. It was her out of control addiction that spotlighted my out of control co-dependency. None of us become codies because of the addict; it's something that already exists.

And just because I'm a mom doesn't mean I have to maintain this relationship. I could just as easily love her from a distance. Like everything else it's a choice and made one day at a time.