amygdala4

I'm new here...have a question.
My boyfriend is a recovering addict. He's had 4 months clean and so far seems to be doing pretty good with his recovery. This may be because right now he's living with his parents and his dad has 25 years as a recovering alcoholic and "guides" him into what he needs to do. However, when he comes over to visit on the weekends, it's like he reverts to a 10 year old child. I really can't stand him anymore. I'm confused at my feelings because I put up with so much crazy behavior in active addiction and I thought once he stops the drugs, he'll be the wonderful person I meet before. However, I'm finding he is incredibily immature and annoying. Oh, he can act mature around others but behind closed doors it's like he regresses. Does anyone else have this experience? Does it take time to get back to 'normal', or is he just an immature, selfish man-boy?

Ann

Welcome, Amy. They say that when an addict starts using their emotional maturity stays at that age until they get clean and can slowly catch up.

What matters here is if you want to remain with him now that you know how he behaves clean. I know I blamed many of my son's problems and behaviours on drug use, and yet the times he was clean many of these characteristics still remained.

Stick around, others will be along to share their experience, strength and hope.

Hugs

amygdala4

thanks, Ann. I've heard that too. Appereantly, he started experimenting at age 9! It makes sense that he acts so immature. But, the thing that confuses me, is that around others, he can be mature, intelligent, charming and funny, very much the 31 year old man he actually is. I often wonder if he has boderline personality disorder, or it just takes a long time for the "using behaviors" to extinguish. I really don't want to wait for a 9 year old to catch up to a 31 year old. The older I get, the more I realize there's no reason I should have to put up with this BS. But, just wondering if anyone esle experiences extreme immaturity.

least

Welcome to SR! I have no experience with addicts (I'm a recovering alcoholic myself) but just want to say 'welcome' and I hope we can be of help to you.

outtolunch

Think about it this way....what kind of imature reasoning and magical thinking would cause you to try a narcotic and believe you could control it?

Slag

What attracted you to him to begin with? Was he using when you met him,if so then you never met the "real" person to begin with. His normal was to be an active user of drugs; if he were using at that time.

CAPTAINZING2000

I was a SOB when, I drank and drugged. Take away the drink and drugs, I was stil an SOB. I had to change me. Drugs and alcohol weren't the problem, I was. I didn't cheat and steal cause, I drank and drugged. I drank and drugged cause, I cheated and stole!!

TNgirlie615

My hubby is the same way! Very selfish, somewhat egotistical, the energy of a 15 year old, the whole "they do it, why can't I" attitude, not understanding the value of a dollar, or how to even balance a checking account, common sense things we learn as we grow up! He started using when he was 15! He's been clean now for 2.5 years so maybe he's 17 and a half now With that said, some of his 15 year old behaviors are refreshing in a weird way.... Especially his energy because I have none!