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Old 02-15-2010, 10:38 AM
  # 61 (permalink)  
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can he be cremated where he now is, and then transport would be just carrying the urn or box back home?
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:58 PM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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((Teke))

praying for you and your precious children (and your step-son-so glad that he too can find comfort with you and your children) as I see it - it doesn't take great words, money, or lots of fancy things to impress children - it just takes a loving heart and a kind comforting spirit - it is obvious that you have that - this is why your stepson is drawn to you and your home.

I would think that anyone in your place would feel that emptiness and deep grief in the loss not only of your husband but also of the loss of what could have possibly happened should he have been able to enter that treatment program again. As you know there is always a chance, and now that chance is gone - that is earth shattering and heartbreaking my sweet precious friend - of course you will feel devasting grief - Please don't "should" yourself out of your feelings.

Although you had to separate yourself from him to take care of yourself and your children - it doesn't always stop the love and care - our emotions, love and hearts don't have an on/off switch - i'm thinking you will need lots of time to process, comfort and heal.

Please try to give yourself good healthy self-care - you deserve it, you are worthy of it and you need it.

HUGS,
Rita
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Old 02-15-2010, 01:04 PM
  # 63 (permalink)  
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teke, i know your inlaws are being evasive to the whole circumstance. have you asked them for a contribution? perhaps they are not wanting to step on your toes as you are his wife and mother of his children. are they maybe, just waiting for you to ask for some small favor, monetarily or what have you? would it be something you could ask in a way that would put the ball in there court like "what is your contribution to your sons services, a head stone, transportation of the body, the cremation?" Be specific, like pick a couple of things and phrase it in an open ended question. You may be surprised.
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Old 02-15-2010, 01:30 PM
  # 64 (permalink)  
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since it seems that it could not possibly make the relationship with them any worse maybe you should just flat out ask them for help and let them know that without it his children will have to visit a jail if they want to visit their fathers final resting place.
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:22 PM
  # 65 (permalink)  
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Okay, cremation should cost between $100 and $300

Coffeedrinker has the right thought here, cremate, then you can transport him.

Then you could have a memorial at your home, with pictures and stuff to save money.

Just thinking outloud here, hope this blunt talk doesn't upset you.

(((Hugs)))
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Old 02-15-2010, 05:31 PM
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i dont think cremation is that inexpensive mooselips
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Old 02-15-2010, 06:25 PM
  # 67 (permalink)  
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I did some searching, when ((Teke)) first mentioned cremation and found a prison in GA that charged a family $450 for the "cremation fee" a couple years ago...it's the only thing I could find. I know that when my uncle died, without insurance, my dad and uncle consulted some type of cremation society(?) that finds low-cost cremation, but I don't know if that is an option. Though my uncle was in Arkansas, they are nationwide.

((Teke)) hugs and prayers coming your way, sweetie!

Amy
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Old 02-15-2010, 06:43 PM
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teke, I can't think of a way to ask other than straight out -- how much is the cost of transport?
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Old 02-15-2010, 06:55 PM
  # 69 (permalink)  
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Found this Teke, not sure if will help. I'm so sorry you are having to do all of this

Most states and local governments also have funds available for burial expenses for financially needy individuals. Check with your local city or town clerk's office for guidance as to what programs may be available to your mother.
Cremation Arrangements' Advice That Can Save You Money
A Final Arrangements Information Sheet
Cremation: Cost Saving Advice


Hang in there sweetie..
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Old 02-15-2010, 07:23 PM
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I am talking to ((Teke)) right now, and she said it is okay for me to post this.

It is going to cost $1500 for the transportation/cremation. They will let her put $500 down and make payments of $100/month. The county will NOT do anything for him because the county provides a place for burial...had he been homeless, the county would have provided cremation.

She just returned with the personnel effects and is tremendously hurt by the lack of involvement by his family.

I will keep you posted, and I'm sure she will be here later.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 02-15-2010, 07:27 PM
  # 71 (permalink)  
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Thanks! Tell her we all send hugs and our support of course.
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Old 02-15-2010, 08:04 PM
  # 72 (permalink)  
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(((hugs)))

It's like there's so many things I could say sweetheart but none of it matters a whit. I'm just so sorry for the struggles that you are going through right now. I wish I could be there to support you face to face. To hold your hand and be your friend like you have been to so many on this website.

I know that you will be ok and that this will pass. I'm sure you don't feel like that right now but have faith that you will and that things will work out.

He is in a much better place now. I know you know this. And I'm sorry you have such a mess to deal with. But I know you can do this. You are so amazing. And you have the prayers of so many. You will survive. You will more than survive.

Your recovery is shining Teke.

Take a deep breath and keep moving forward. Peace and serenity await you.
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Old 02-15-2010, 08:08 PM
  # 73 (permalink)  
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thank you all, yes i did talk to impurrfect and have given her details concerning where i am right now with this.

i did flat out ask his family and they flat out told me they didn't have anything and was not doing anything. soooooo!!!

i did check into the indegent cremations that the county do but the problem with that is that county said that because he was in prison, the prison had a burial place for him in their back yard, the county won't pick that up at all. its the property of the prison if i don't come and claim the body. its not that way here in atlanta. if he had passed here in this county, it would have been worked out between the county here and the fh.

tonight after talking with amy, i'm sort of overwhelmed by the reality of all the + love and spport i'm feeling from all of you. sr has really come alive to me through all of this, before its been real but more of a bunch of names on a screen.
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Old 02-15-2010, 08:15 PM
  # 74 (permalink)  
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We are kind of all that and a bag of chips hu.

I'm glad your pain is eased if even just a little.
Your very loved my many people!!!!!!!!!!

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Old 02-15-2010, 08:21 PM
  # 75 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by coffeedrinker View Post
can he be cremated where he now is, and then transport would be just carrying the urn or box back home?
my fh friend thought this would be the answer and was how he first planned to help me but because the county laws there are different from where i am, they won't do anything since he is the property of the prison and they have a burial place out back for the bodies of unclaimed prisoners..

its either i leave him there for the prison to bury him or i try to claim the body and find my own way to bring him home and cremated.
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Old 02-15-2010, 09:09 PM
  # 76 (permalink)  
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((((teke))))
I agree with all of the wonderful sentiments, thoughts & suggestions already shared.

Just as you have walked alongside so many here during the good times as well as the times of sadness and difficulty; you are loved and cared for by so many of us here at SR and at FFSA.

Keep posting.


much love,
cmc


I'm still holding you up in my prayers.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:03 PM
  # 77 (permalink)  
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just to let you guys know, i felt a tad bit better today. nothing much has changed except i'm trying to remember that my husband is in a better place now and that he's no longer in pain. like someone said earlier, after we can lay him to rest, we can began to heal. i'm looking forward to what tomorrow will bring and not whats at hand today.

today i found myself having spirts of grief then spirts of peace and thats a little better than yesterday and even the day before that. i know it takes time and i can't go around, i have to go through.

thank you guys so much. i can only hope that i can one day be to the next what you guys have been for me.
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:43 PM
  # 78 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by teke View Post
just to let you guys know, i felt a tad bit better today. nothing much has changed except i'm trying to remember that my husband is in a better place now and that he's no longer in pain. like someone said earlier, after we can lay him to rest, we can began to heal. i'm looking forward to what tomorrow will bring and not whats at hand today.

today i found myself having spirts of grief then spirts of peace and thats a little better than yesterday and even the day before that. i know it takes time and i can't go around, i have to go through.

thank you guys so much. i can only hope that i can one day be to the next what you guys have been for me.
i don't know, i guess the calm was short lived too. guess its just common. i'm trying so hard. my husband was younger than me and i'm the one who has all the health issues. i never thought in a million yrs i would out live him.

do anyone know if drug use can cause brain tumor? is a brain anarisim(sp) the same thing? as far as i knew, aside from the drug use, he was such a healthy and strong man. can worry cause that to happen?

just the thought of never hearing his voice or seeing his face is like omg.
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:52 PM
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Teke,

I do hope you are able to have a service for him so that you and your youngsters can have some sort of closure.
Please know that you are always close to my thoughts in this time of grief and change.
hugs,
live
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Old 02-16-2010, 10:02 AM
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do anyone know if drug use can cause brain tumor?
Hi Teke. I work for a cancer and brain tumor treatment center. They strike young and old alike, healthy or unhealthy and there really is no answer. They can grow slowly or very quickly. Sometimes they can be controlled and other times they can't. It depends on where the tumor is located.

Brain tumors haven't really been corelated to drug use. There are many environmental causes and genetic causes. There's just not a lot known. There's no real cure. Sure there are some treatments available but even the treatment isn't all that successful in many cases.

Aneurisms are not the same as tumors. And again can strike young or old, healthy or not-healthy. Whereas tumors are an out of control growth of cells in the brain, aneurisms are more an explosion of blood vessels. Worry is not the cause. It just happens - again genetic or enviromental. Answers have yet to be discovered...

(((hugs))) I hope today is better than yesterday for you. And every day going forward.
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