Done_With_It

Been thinking of you all day sister. So much lover going your way.........

teke

hey guys,

i'm sorry that i haven't posted as much lately but i do come here each night after the kids are asleep and the house in quite, to read and meditate on all of your kind words and condolenses. i''m so grateful to have found you guys.

just to let you know, we are doing as well as be expected. things are slowly trying to come together around here. things didn't work out exactly like my fh friend planned because of the different laws in the county where my husband was. i mean the memorial is still at no charge but i ended up having to fund the 5hr transport and crematoral part. they ended up allowing me a payment plan on that, i really do thank you for all of your support you''ve shown, i needed you guys and you came through.

when my ah left home, i felt totally alone and unwanted but today i know that that wasn''t the case. i know now that my husband really did love me and the kids, even though he couldn't put us ahead of his addiction. to know was a welcomed revelation.
y,
thank you for all of your kind words and condolenses. at the end of the day, i read every one of your posts. i find comfort and i feel the love surrounding me. i know that you guys are with me in spirit and that helps me to be able to rest and nights don't seem so lonely.


thanks

I'm done with it

I wish you and your family peace and comfort at this difficult time. Things will work out...

Impurrfect

(((Teke))) - you, the kids, and his family all remain in my prayers. I think about you all, so many times during the day. I, too, believe things will work out.

Love, hugs, and prayers!

Amy

Callie

Teke - I'm so sorry, but am glad you're having some clarity on all of this. You struggled with your AH's addiction as did he. But that didn't mean he didn't love you in his own way. It wasn't enough...not nearly enough, but I'm glad you're gaining clarity inch by inch.

I'm so sorry. So sorry for your kids and what you are going to endure. Hugs to you all and PLEASE keep posting. He couldn't do what God CAN do and that's rid him of this terrible disease. He can give you the peace that you all deserve.

Jewelz

Teke,

I wanted to let you know that you and your children are in my thoughts and prayers! I'm sending you comforting hugs and I wish we could be there physically there for you. But just know you have so many prayers going your way.

Love you Teke!!

Hugs,
Jewelz

coffeedrinker

thank you for posting a little update. what a toll this must all be taking on you.

i am so glad you were able to see the love that he had for you and the kids i'm sure that's very comforting - it sure would be for me.

i hope as things surface you find you have to deal with, you come to us if you are seeking opinions or whatever. there are a lot of professionals in different areas on this board i've noticed.

god continue to bless you!

teke

just wanted to check in, the kids are sleep and all is quite.

i already said that at the end of my day, i come here to read. i'm not ready able to post much yet but my comfort does comes from you all. i know that my situation is not uncommon but i had no idea this would be this hard. even though i haven't lived with him in awhile, this has taken me way back in my emotions, way back to why i stuck around so long in the first place. knowing that he really did love us, makes it that much harder even though it brings comfort at the same time.

seems as if i'm running into all kinds of road blocks while trying to get him layed to rest, even though my fh friend has provided so much, his help was still limited. the county that he was in prison at, turned out to have different laws concerning indegent burials than here in atl. now i have to find my own way to have him transported home and the body taken care of, my hf friend is only able to give me a free memorial service, there are so many other aspects of this thing that i have to find a way through.

i'm so tired and i'm trying so hard to focus on me and the kids but i'm finding it so hard to practice what i've been preaching these last few months. hope you guys can forgive me, i guess i'm not as strong as i've lead you all to believe.

if i'm honest with myself, i have to admit that maybe i didn't already file for divorce because a part of me felt like even if it had to be once my husband and i reached old age, he'd be tired of the life he was living and be ready to settle down. then i guess i thought maybe we could then spend the rest of our days, however many there were left, rocking in our rocking chairs holding hands watching the cars drive by, if nothing more. i guess i was still hoping and waiting, i don't know.

i don't want anyone to feel sorry for me but that you understand that you guys are really the only friends i have to talk to or that really understood my life, and thet includes my family. i'm having a hard time finding things to do to occupy my time and thoughts. i find myself suffering in silence and i know that is not good for me. i know i have to be strong for my kids sake but what i really want to do is break down. i'm trying to surrender it all over to my hp but thats so easy to say.

historyteach

((((teke))))

It's perfectly normal and ok for you to feel not so strong - especially now.
Let others feel strong for you. Let your friends hold you up. This is a time when you have every right to lean on others. You are experiencing grief; and that will bring you through ups and downs through an extended period.

Just know that we are with you -- no matter how long it takes.

As for your dreams of sitting and watching the cars go by...
I fully understand that. I dreamed of that for a very long time too.
Again, there's nothing wrong with wanting a "happy ever after."
It's what we were brought up to believe in.

And who's to say that it won't still be? Your life can be happy once more.
But, it will be a different dream come true. And that will be ok too.

But, for now, just know, you *will* get through this troubled time.
You and your children will grow through this pain.
One day at a time.

So, don't judge your feelings. Let them be. You will experience many in the days and months to come, and they are *all* "normal" given what you are going through.
But, should your grief become overwhelming, don't be afraid to reach out for professional help. Sometimes, a little extra support is in order too. But, in the meantime, just realize, whatever you are feeling is all right. And we are here to support you.

Shalom!

coffeedrinker

teke,

have you thought yet of contacting social security? i believe there is a requirement of how many years he worked and paid into s.security, perhaps seven years i've heard, but i'm not sure. just don't want you to overlook this.

greeteachday

Teke, I found that when I thought I needed to "be strong," that is, not show emotion and my sadness, for the sake of my children, they thought they needed to also be strong since that was the example I was setting. When I was able to show them the human side of me - to grieve, to cry, to say I am very sad right now, they learned that it was okay to have these feelings and that by experiencing the grief and sharing it, they could get through the pain.

This is all so new and raw for you...It's okay and so normal to just have to put one foot in front of the other to walk through what is now. During my deepest despair, I often just told my God...I am struggling, please help me. Just that little surrender always helped me take the next step.

Continuing to pray for you and your kids.

teke

can somebody please tell me why i miss him so much now that he's gone. why can't i find the contentment i had the day before he passed away? why do i want him here with me so badly now? i mean, its been 2yrs since we lived together but i always knew if i needed to talk to him, i could.

i so wish this was next year.

Impurrfect

(((Teke))) - for me, this is normal. When they were still alive, we still had that hope - hope that they would eventually "get it together" and we could work things out. Now, that they're gone, it's so damned final. I kept telling myself that "we'll never be together again" but I think I secretly held out hope that somewhere down the road....maybe we could at least be friends? With you, you had so much more of a history...of course, you are going to miss him.

Be gentle with yourself and realize that the feelings are going to come and go. I don't think there are any wrong or right feelings....just feel them and walk through them...post here and know that we are here for you.

Love you!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

teke

i guess so impurrfect. march 1, would have been my 24th aniversary. i never lost hope that one day we could come together if nothing more, be best friends and i know if he hadn't passed, it would have been that way. i've had 4 serious long term relationships and we all became best friends, the others even became best friends with my husband.

i'm a 2 time widow, whats up with that! i married 2 of them and loss them both. i want to just give up but i know for me, there is no such thing as "i give up", i mean how can i give up, what does that mean, no matter what, i still have to keep living, keep trying to move forward. none of this seems fair. i honestly try to be the best person i can be, but i keep having to suffer all this hard stuff. i'm just so tired.

Impurrfect

(((Teke))) - I know you must be so very tired, and this has to be incredibly hard on you. Please know that you DON'T have to be the strong one....even for your kids. My parents were great, but I grew up seeing them being the "strong ones" and I wish, now, that I'd seen them show me that it's okay to reach out for support...that it's okay to need a little help, when we're hurting. I'm not saying that it's wrong, just what I see in hindsight....why I think I always have to be the "strong one".

Get some rest, sweetie, and take care of ((Teke)). Remember...I'm just a phone call away, and right down the road...I really do mean it. Heck, I've got plenty of time on my hands, so call me tomorrow if you want to meet up f2f. I've got broad shoulders and good ears for listening.

Love you!

Amy

teke

thank you impurrfect, i have a hard time remembering numbers and i still have a lot of things to try to get worked out but i would love to meet with you as soon as i can. i keep saying i'm gonna call you but i keep getting side tracked by one thing or another. i think you pm'd me your number but my emotions have been all over the place and i just don't remember where i put it or where you sent it.
i know i should get some rest and i'm really trying but i'm finding it hard to do. i haven't had much sleep or to eat since this nightmare began and i know this is not good for me.

i keep telling myself that ronnie is not hurting any more and i'm so glad that it wasn't because he got himself killed because of all of his criminal activities but no matter the cause, he's still gone and won't ever be back. i always expected him to try to come back and the letter he wrote me thursday, proved just that.

before, i wouldn't allow myself to remember the good, only the bad, that helped me to stay focused and now all i can remember is how good of a person he was when he wasn't getting high.

i haven't heard anything from his mom and most of his other relatives and that i don't understand. they haven't even called to check on the kids. that hurts a little too. now my stepson, has been here every day and sometimes spend the night but he hasn't even been to see his dad's mom or brothers. a couple of the cousins asked me why but i have no clue. maybe he is comforted just by hanging around me and his little sisers and brothers but then they kind of gave him to me when he was a toddler.

i want my husband.

teke

i took your advice, i do want whats best for the kids. looking back, my mom hid her emotions from us and i guess it does set a pace. thank you.

to the rest of you,
words could never explan how much you all are helping me on my day by day, step by step walk through all of this. thank you for being here. this is something that i will never forget. if someone had told me 10yrs ago that i could meet such good close friends on the net, i would have thought they were half crazy. i never would have believed it possible, now i know that all things are.

mooselips

(((teke)))
I'm not sure how the funeral arrangements have so far gone, but I do know, as him being a veteran you're entitled to help.

Here is a website that may answer some questions.

Burial and Memorial Benefits Home

I hope it helps.

Thinking of you.....and your family....

teke

thanks moose, i have checked into the va thingy but the problem is getting the remains home from another part of the state. i don't understand but his family(mom and brothers) seem to have totally bowed out. they have to care, don't they?

we haven't lived together in 2yrs(almost no contact) but my kids are asking me to please don't let nobody throw daddy away. i know its not like that but due to circumstances with that county and the jail there, it sure sounds and feels like it to me too. his family asked if i would agree to let the prison bury him in the back yard, i just don't understand how thats ok with them.

all these yrs they encouraged us to stay away from each other and for him to not help me with the kids, i guess in their minds, he'd do better without me. i guess when he needed a soft landing place and couldn't come here with us, he manipulated them into believeing that i was this evil witch and his trigger. i mean, i've been clean almost 8yrs, yet i'm his trigger? i think thats just plain living in denial.

now that he's gone, they're leaving everything up to me. i had no idea they could be this way. sure they are greiving but so am i, so are his kids, who by the way, none of them has called to check on or to say anything concerning their feelings or mine. i haven't even heard from his mom, i've tried to call her just to see how she was doing, but she was too upset to talk to me i guess.

Insulated

oh teke....it is an undeniably hard road to walk. Pray for divine intervention. you and your children are in my prayers.