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Old 02-07-2010, 10:23 AM
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girlygirly's thread

here is girlygirly's post from another thread that is really old. thought i would help her out and start her a thread of her her own.

i can't figure this site out, so i'm posting at the only place i can.

if you are the livein of a guy who uses crack, and he is abusive and scary and the police wouldn't arrest him, etc...and they even said that they can't arrest him for using illlegal drugs for some reason, and i am being held basically hostage, what can i do?

the times he's been in he's been let out very soon and has gone back to using crack or meth.

is there any hope for him at all? do people ever stop the craving?

now he's on deprocone or something and wellbutrin and they only make him nauseus and do nothing for his craving or his violence.
please advise.

i'm afraid.
the police didnt' help me at all.
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Old 02-07-2010, 10:34 AM
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Hi girlygirly. I am glad you found this site. I'm not sure what state you live in but if the police won't help you then call 1-800-799-7233. That is a resource for women who are in an abusive and scary living situation. It is confidential so your BF wont even know that you called. They will provide you with some ideas and resources.

As far as your BF - crack is a very scary drug and can make people absolutely crazy when they are on it. I used to smoke a lot of crack and I have seen a lot of men beat the crap out of their girlfriends because they are completely delusional. I even know a few situations where the girlfriend ended up dead. (Not trying to scare you but it's true.)

In my opinion, the best and safest and most helpful thing you can do is get far far away from him to a safe place. That would be your first step. Wellbutrin and deprocone are not drugs that help cravings or violence. So those things won't fix him.

Save yourself ok.
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Old 02-07-2010, 10:40 AM
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In my experience in dealing with the addicts I have who have not wanted help and esp. the ones who have mixed, the only help is to distance yourself. I only saw them get worse, and the two times I lived with them I kicked them out. One I was afraid of killing himself and the other I was afraid of him killing us. Both very close friends who I watched flip their lids from mixing their drugs and going off the deep end.

If you aren't in the position to kick him out, I would leave. Go to a shelter or whatever you have to do. One of the ones I kicked out thought we had the whole building against him and had inserted cameras, was watching him sleep, you name it, he would put his roommates bed in the living room because of the 'cameras' in it had in it.
Threw my favorite watch away cause it was following him, Drew on poster boards to get the devil out of the vacuum, he was completely out there. All in a matter of months.

My advice is to trust your gut instinct, if your calling police and posting on boards, your woman's intuition is telling your something. Don't ignore the warnings.

Big Hugs to you and I hope you find what you are looking for and get the help you need.
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Old 02-07-2010, 10:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Suspicious View Post
is there any hope for him at all? do people ever stop the craving?
at the risk of sounding uncaring, this is the least of your concerns right now. i had never ever seen a violent bone in my s/o's body, until the night he was coming down and desparate to get outta where he was at. i caved in and went to pick him up, only he got behind the wheel when i got out of car, and for the first time in my life, i was fearful. he yelled at me louder than i've ever experienced, and once got so agitated he grabbed my hair. i seriously couldn't decide if i should call 911, or if i should try stepping on the brake pedal or if that would make things worse - we were on the freeway going between 80 and 90 mph.

so, yeah, what these other people are saying.
and, the cravings for crack and meth are among the strongest out there. their chances for relapse are extremely high (statistically). the wellbutrin and depakote (?) will do nothing for his cravings. in fact, in my opinion, they'll do nothing at all if he keeps hittin the pipe
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Old 02-07-2010, 11:11 AM
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welcome to sr.

i'm a recovering crack addict married but separated from an active crack addict. what the others are saying is so true +some. from the sound of your post you are in serious danger. please find a safe place for yourself. talk to a women's shelter or a domestic violence counselor.

the only thing i know to stop the cravings is to stop using and thats something only he can do for himself.

btw, i'm one of those girls that stuck around long enough to get physically hurt by my ah of 23yrs in a crack induced wide eyed zombiefied comatose crack attack, well thats how he seemed to me. he was just not in there, he turned into SOMETHING else, something inhuman right before my eyes. protect yourself.
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Old 02-07-2010, 11:22 AM
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please make that phone call and when you are finished dial another common number so that if someone hits redial or star number it won't show who you called or connect to the hotline...they can and will help...please phone as soon as possible and get away to safety.
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Old 02-07-2010, 12:22 PM
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Girlygirl-
Some great advise above. Don't deny your feelings.
Trust yourself. It's time to get selfish, and think about yourself!!
Fear is no way to live.
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Old 02-07-2010, 12:57 PM
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I just recently went through this with my ex ABF. He has battled a meth addiction for years. In my experience, not only did his addiction progress each time he used, but so did his anger, violence, paranoia, and delusions. The monster that kicked in my back door because I wouldn't let him after a 4 day run wasn't anyone that I recognized. In the 8 years we had been together, I had never feared him until that night. I called the police and got a restraining order.

So do what you can to protect yourself. It doesn't get any better until THEY decide to make better and in all probablility it will get worse. Don't wait for that to happen....
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Old 02-07-2010, 02:39 PM
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It is not a crime to be addicted to drugs.

I do not understand what "being held basically hostage" means.

Are you being held against your will or are you able to come and go but have no other place to go?
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