Originally Posted by cessy68

Hey there hon, don't know if this is going to help or confuse you more, BUT I will tell you what my therapist told me, about MY part in things, and his own personal opinion about us codies, and 'acceptance', and his struggles with 'acceptance'.

(by the way, my therapist happens to be a big-wig of sorts in the AA community around here, he is a sponsor to many, and has 24 years clean and sober from drugs and alcohol....which led him to his current career).

K.

Here we go. He wrote me a note on one of his business cards, and it said, "I AM NOT THE PROBLEM". He asked me to focus on this. I told him that 'perhaps' I made mountains outta molehills etc.... and he said, "no, you made a bad choice in a partner, (and previous partners) and that is something we will work on".

2nd. About acceptance. He said that even HE, a seasoned professional in this arena, says that if you have acceptance, that means that you 'accept' that they have a drug problem, and regardless, live with it...... which means that your trust will be compromised, which means your intamicy will be compromised, etc. THEREFORE, one should ask themselves "what's the sense? Is this what I want for a 'relationship'?" simply because to accept means you can't 'expect' to get YOUR needs met by your partner, because they are on some levels INCAPABLE of giving that to YOU. SOOOOOO, again, it goes back to why bother trying to have acceptance? In essence you are allowing yourself to have a relationship with someone, built in utter dysfunction, becasue the 'basic' needs within a relationship WILL be compromised by drug addiction.