sofacat

You're gonna make it Vegas....if you give yourself a little time, you will feel much better.

I am living alone because of the very same situation. Mr. Sofa can be pretty brutal when he's confronted...and loves to play the "twistaroo" game with me too. He is still trying.

The first day after I asked Him to leave I was numb....just numb. Went over it a million times in my head...questioning whether I was being irrational and unforgiving. I started posting "daily's" on here. Just to get it off my chest and reach out to people who could see what I couldn't. I need help. I cannot do this alone. I also need to be confronted. I just couldn't keep going in the same direction anymore. I have been doing the "dance" with Mr. Sofa for 10 years now. 10 YEARS! It's always the same...there's always a story...and unless you have their pills (DOC) in your hand and are showing it to them...there's no coming around. Even then, they'll lie.

There was a time last year when I found Mr. Sofas pills during snooping tirade 1,563.
I didn't come out right away and confront him. I kept it to myself. My plan was to take him on a date to the beach at night, where I knew we would both be relaxed...I thought that may help both of us have a calm "open" conversation. When we got to the beach, I waited about an hour. In that time he decided to have a conversation with me about how well life was going for him and how great it was to be sober. He said he was so happy to be away from all of it and he would never go back to that. And with that, I said...... "Honey, I found your pills." (in the quietest, nicest, gentlest way...really) And he said............... "What pills?" "Are you sure?" he said. "Maybe they have been there from the last time." And I just sat there quietly until he knew there was no getting away from the truth. Some of you may be chuckling or nodding your heads right now because you have similar stories with your "A"s. :chatter I had the pills...and he was still lying about it.

It took me 10 years to figure out that I cannot save him, I cannot change things for him, I cannot do anything to get him sober. I hate that! But it's the truth. If there was a secret way we could get them to sober up...we would all be doing it! It's hard to think to yourself "Is this it?" Is our relationship ending the only way to get peace?"


I met with Mr. Sofa about 1 week after he left to "discuss" things. I realized that he was here just to try to manipulate me away from the real issue...his relapse, and I was meeting with him in hopes he would come clean, throw his arms around me, beg for forgiveness...and get some help. To see if I was still "Little Miss Unsure Of Myself", he twisted the whole separation back on me. As if it were all my fault we weren't living together (um, I asked him to leave) I admit...he got under my skin that day...but the people on here walked me through it. I wasn't ready for contact with him then, but I tested the waters anyway.

Try to understand that you are dealing with an addict. The things flying out of her mouth is her "survival mode". She is panicked and p!ssed...and it's all going to get slung back at you...and if you're not careful, you may just believe her. She is sick, but she hasn't had enough yet. The only question here is...have you?

Stay here with us....you'll get through it....we'll help you, one day at a time.
Try it. You now have 58 minutes until you have gotten through today.

coffeedrinker

yes, miss vegas, stick with us. i remember those posts sofa just spoke of. (and, omg, sofa, i had a very similar experience - he was saying it was great to be c & s, and i found out later had been intermittently using!!)

it is heart-wrenching. many hopes, dreams, and memories all wrapped up in the "you" that you two have been. but it is comforting to be among people who get it and have walked in the same steps.

thinking of you...