merrygoround

Well we are in the midst of a Court battle. My ex, who deals drugs for a living, as well as having a severe drug problem, has offered to enter into an agreement with me. He wants to see his child every second weekend for 4 hours per day on Sat and Sun. He is willing to have me supervise these visits at my home. He has always paid child support and has someone giving him a phony paycheque now pretending to be working.

I feel like my child's life is on the line and it is either I put up with him in my life forever or there is a chance he will get unsupervised visitation.

During his last access visit, a strange guy came to my door looking for him in order to purchase marijuana.

I'm at my wits end!

teke

together my ah and i have 7 kids and what worked for me was for me to allow him to see his kids with his mom doing the supervising or no contact at all until i was ready emotionally to be around him. maybe you could look into that or set boundaries around him coming to your house. no drug using, no drug deals or drug customers coming by period.

Suspicious

i dont think it is a good idea but i do understand the feeling of having to choose this sorta bad thing to avoid having this biggie bad thing forced on me. soooooo
if you are going to agree to that i suggest one major change. not at your house. if his customers are showing up to your house then you could be in just as much trouble if he is arrested at your house of under watch by the police. if you feel you have to agree to this then at lease meet someplace else like a mcd's or something.

Insulated

Guilty by association. Boundaries? Do you have a trusted friend or relative that could oversee these visits? It's kind of common sense (to most anyway) that this activity isn't acceptable around any kids, especially your own.

merrygoround

That is what I have been trying to determine. I think my son may be happier seeing his dad, rather than mom prevented him from seeing him. Plus if he somehow got unsupervised visits, it would be detrimental and very dangerous for him.

I did tell him I would not tolerate anyone coming to my home during his visits, unless it is family members and prior permission is received by me. My lawyer also wrote it in a letter to his lawyer.

No one I know wants to supervise the visits. His mom allows him to openly use drugs in front of her, so she is not a suitable option.

Callie

Off on a tangent with Cynical's suggestion...maybe you could do supervised visitation in your home - with you or a trusted family member/friend, BUT the police are alerted every time this occurs. They could do drive by's etc. That way there would be no addicts trying to score while he's with your kids? You could do the same NOT in your home. Heck, they could go to McDonalds for this, or another public place to minimize addicts trying to buy. Just a thought.

In My state, there is nothing that I can do about it unless he passes a drug test the day of/prior to visitation. My AH knows how to time this. He'd either be there...or not.

liesagain

in my state there are supervised visitation centers.............maybe look into that

cessy68

god, to chime in on this, without hurting anyone................ (this stinks)!!!!!!!!

wtf? i coun't my blessings that I don't have to deal with this. It is so unfair that children are previe to this.......... and as lies said, there are 'supervised visitation centers' for these people to see their children?

My word, where does the line get drawn? At what point do we say, "hey prove that you can take care of youself, and then see your kids" ???????

Instead there are nice, soft, cushy scenarios where they can go, and have somone 'watch' them as they visit THEIR children?

I'm sorry.

I'm sure that wasn't much help, but I wonder, If I were in your situation, that I'd fight him seeing my kids, tooth and nail.

I wish you the best of luck, and pray that your kids look to you as the ONLY care-taker in the future, so they know some kind of normalcy.

blessings and hugs,
cess

merrygoround

There is child supervised visitation centres here as well, but I am unsure if #1 I would succeed in winning that and #2 is it in the child's best interest to be around a bunch of strangers in a strange environment. He didn't do anything wrong and he is only 16 months old. He is turning this situation into a she said, he said, sort of scenario and trying to get one of his family members as supervisor because they don't mind what he does.

I do agree that he should be able to take care of himself and show responsibility. This is an easy way out for him. He is not offering to change his lifestyle at all. However, I fear I cannot take the chance on my son being allowed in the sort of environment he lives unsupervised. Hell he would have crack addicts taking care of my son!

marshallzhukov

Is there a way to prove that he is dealing drugs? If you have a little extra money can you hire a Private Investigator to trail him for a few days and gather such evidence?

If a family court has even the slightest idea that drug dealing is going on in a home, then they will terminate his visitation rights ASAP. However they probably cannot do so based on your word alone, there needs to be some kind of collateral evidence.

Is there a way you could possibly prove that he is falsifying cheques? That alone would probably be evidence enough that neither he nor his home are suitable for the presence of children.

merrygoround

Apparently a guy he sells too said he will pretend he is working for him, as he owns his own business. He says he will go to Court too. I wonder if he really would though, if push came to shove.

I thought about the PI thing. I do have some evidence though which may be enough if I take him to Court, but they are not drug convictions. Just bits and peices. Plus I could ask for drug screening.

Still, it is a mere 8 hours every second weekend. I wonder if I could bear to put up with that. How much influence could have on my child in that length of time, I wonder. I wonder if it is in my son's best interest to try to supervise in order to minimize the effect this will have on him in the future. Eventually he will see what his dad is and maybe it's best that he make his own mind up at that time, whether he wants him in his life or not.

If I wasn't thinking of my son and just myself, I would take my chances. I wish I never had to see him again or deal with his addiction again for as long as I live.

StillLearning1

Merrygoround-
I like cynicals idea.

"There but for the grace of God go I." My youngest is 11.
Sending you big hugs-

coffeedrinker

it has been shown to be better for children to have their parents in their lives. unfortunately this little guy's dad has an unseemly lifestyle, but he can still show love. abandonment is the second worst thing a child can go through, imo. (death of a parent is preferable, in terms of how devastating it is for a child)

i understand that you want to do what kind of visit is best. i don't have an opinion on that, sounds like you have the protections in place - but i wanted to say the above things.