Afraid of feeling this way
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Afraid of feeling this way
I really need to get a handle on this anger. I feel like it is consuming me. Going on 2 weeks since I kicked him totally off the property. We have no contact unless it's business related. But I did mess up once by calling him out of anger today. Although that was business related too. When he calls now I let son answer it.
I am on a family wireless plan with my mom, my sister, stepdad, me & AH were on it. The bill comes in and mom gives it to me because I figure out everyones totals. And I usually pay for mine & AH's. I'm looking on it online and find that I can look at each number and see the actual calls made to & from each phone. So my codie side takes over and I look at AH's & see 2 calls made at one am and 3 am to some cell phone & landline in Ft Worth which is about 100 miles away. This was Saturday night. The kicker is that both the calls were over 2 hours apeice! WTF! And too boot I get to pay the long distance charges......
So honestly, I'll admit it, my anger took over, talk about pissed off, I was furious! I call him up & ask wtf he thought he was doing making long distance calls on a phone he doesn't pay for and spending two hours on the calls and wracking up charges?
He says it wasn't him (of course) and that he let his roomates grandmother use the phone and he was by himself, sleeping so he could attend church Sunday morning. I knew it was a lie as soon as I heard it, the roomates Grandmother is in her seventies, I doubt seriously she made 2 hour calls in the middle of the night. Whatever..... I don't care who he was calling or whether someone else was using his phone.
Immediatly I felt angry at myself for calling, I should know better. So I calmly called the wireless service and had his phone removed, it was immediate so he was instantly unable to use his phone anymore. And the account is now passworded so that he cannot call and make changes to the acct. I have to admit, that was extremly cathartic! It felt damn good.
He's already lost his vehicle, it was totalled from a weather related accident and the insurance paid it off. He still has the rental car that goes back Saturday.
No job, no home, no wife, no kids, no car and now no phone. I've already removed him from insurance and he was never on my checking or credit cards. The house and all the utilities are in my name. And since he has no money wonder how he'll pay for his precious meds?
Now I need to work on this anger of mine. I recognize I am still reacting & I need to stop.
Any experiences to share?
Hugs,
Teggie
I am on a family wireless plan with my mom, my sister, stepdad, me & AH were on it. The bill comes in and mom gives it to me because I figure out everyones totals. And I usually pay for mine & AH's. I'm looking on it online and find that I can look at each number and see the actual calls made to & from each phone. So my codie side takes over and I look at AH's & see 2 calls made at one am and 3 am to some cell phone & landline in Ft Worth which is about 100 miles away. This was Saturday night. The kicker is that both the calls were over 2 hours apeice! WTF! And too boot I get to pay the long distance charges......
So honestly, I'll admit it, my anger took over, talk about pissed off, I was furious! I call him up & ask wtf he thought he was doing making long distance calls on a phone he doesn't pay for and spending two hours on the calls and wracking up charges?
He says it wasn't him (of course) and that he let his roomates grandmother use the phone and he was by himself, sleeping so he could attend church Sunday morning. I knew it was a lie as soon as I heard it, the roomates Grandmother is in her seventies, I doubt seriously she made 2 hour calls in the middle of the night. Whatever..... I don't care who he was calling or whether someone else was using his phone.
Immediatly I felt angry at myself for calling, I should know better. So I calmly called the wireless service and had his phone removed, it was immediate so he was instantly unable to use his phone anymore. And the account is now passworded so that he cannot call and make changes to the acct. I have to admit, that was extremly cathartic! It felt damn good.
He's already lost his vehicle, it was totalled from a weather related accident and the insurance paid it off. He still has the rental car that goes back Saturday.
No job, no home, no wife, no kids, no car and now no phone. I've already removed him from insurance and he was never on my checking or credit cards. The house and all the utilities are in my name. And since he has no money wonder how he'll pay for his precious meds?
Now I need to work on this anger of mine. I recognize I am still reacting & I need to stop.
Any experiences to share?
Hugs,
Teggie
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 126
I was just getting ready to post something about the anger I'm feeling tonight, too. I am trying very hard to stop making my situation about my RAH and focusing on me and my son. It just sucks when their actions put you into a bad position. I'm very interested to hear what people say.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi, teggie.
i do understand your anger, my ah is a crack addict. i've lost so much due to his addiction and i've felt so much anger at times until it began to effect my health physically.
what helped me was to began to work through the 12steps. in doing so, i was able to see how i might have played a part in all of his drama.
not saying that his actions is your fault, because its not, but when he left, he did leave with the phone. you would think he would have been more considerate or responsible, huh? not to excuse him but maybe he's just doing what addicts do, thinking only of himself.
i think canceling the service was a good idea. you are doing what you need to do to protect yourself, good for you.
i do understand your anger, my ah is a crack addict. i've lost so much due to his addiction and i've felt so much anger at times until it began to effect my health physically.
what helped me was to began to work through the 12steps. in doing so, i was able to see how i might have played a part in all of his drama.
not saying that his actions is your fault, because its not, but when he left, he did leave with the phone. you would think he would have been more considerate or responsible, huh? not to excuse him but maybe he's just doing what addicts do, thinking only of himself.
i think canceling the service was a good idea. you are doing what you need to do to protect yourself, good for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Thank you Teke, I really really needed that.
Yes he's an addict, and thats what addicts do. I should have realized that but I guess somewhere I thought he would'nt do that. And the person he used to be would'nt have. I know better now. That person doesn't exist anymore.
The anger has faded a little, now I am feeling a little sad, is this what he's reduced to? It honestly feels like a death, and I am going through the stages of greif. I know that lots of work on myself & good old fashioned time is going to be what helps.
I feel I am protected now, or soon will be when that rental car goes back Saturday.
He's fixing to be facing a whole canfull of worms when reality really knocks on his door. And I can see reality's headlights already.
Me? I'm just fine, I paid for everything before, now I am just paying less & thats more money for the kids and me.
I do have to admit though, it felt dang good to cancel that phone. Just to hand a little misery back to him was good.
Hugs,
Teggie
Yes he's an addict, and thats what addicts do. I should have realized that but I guess somewhere I thought he would'nt do that. And the person he used to be would'nt have. I know better now. That person doesn't exist anymore.
The anger has faded a little, now I am feeling a little sad, is this what he's reduced to? It honestly feels like a death, and I am going through the stages of greif. I know that lots of work on myself & good old fashioned time is going to be what helps.
I feel I am protected now, or soon will be when that rental car goes back Saturday.
He's fixing to be facing a whole canfull of worms when reality really knocks on his door. And I can see reality's headlights already.
Me? I'm just fine, I paid for everything before, now I am just paying less & thats more money for the kids and me.
I do have to admit though, it felt dang good to cancel that phone. Just to hand a little misery back to him was good.
Hugs,
Teggie
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
Originally Posted by Teggie 
I do have to admit though, it felt dang good to cancel that phone. Just to hand a little misery back to him was good.
my mom always said, "you make your bed hard, you lay in it, don't try to make me lay in it with you." his bed, don't jump in.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Teggie,
You are right, it is like a death. Sometimes I wonder if a real death would be way easier.
Sometimes we do things to prolong that death, and the grief part lasts longer. It can seem almost unbearable.
Keep up that self-talk, you are strong, you can do this.
GREAT that you cancelled that phone! Wow, way to go. Doesn't it feel good to take back your power?
You are right, it is like a death. Sometimes I wonder if a real death would be way easier.
Sometimes we do things to prolong that death, and the grief part lasts longer. It can seem almost unbearable.
Keep up that self-talk, you are strong, you can do this.
GREAT that you cancelled that phone! Wow, way to go. Doesn't it feel good to take back your power?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Teggie, you are doing good! Cancelling that phone was in your best interest. Because
an out of control addict would continue to run up the bill!! Once they get that bad, they do things you would never think they would. You sound like you've protected yourself financially ... just be prepared for a phone call or visit from him in the near future begging to come back.
Have a plan just in case... and use that anger to propel yourself forward.
(((HUGS)))
an out of control addict would continue to run up the bill!! Once they get that bad, they do things you would never think they would. You sound like you've protected yourself financially ... just be prepared for a phone call or visit from him in the near future begging to come back.
Have a plan just in case... and use that anger to propel yourself forward.
(((HUGS)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Thank you all, y'all are wonderful.
I cancelled the phone not just for him but also for me. Now I can't go in and snoop into his calls and fret & obsess about what he's doing or not doing. Thats not healthy for me.
The less contact I have with him actual or other is better.
Hugs
Teggie
I cancelled the phone not just for him but also for me. Now I can't go in and snoop into his calls and fret & obsess about what he's doing or not doing. Thats not healthy for me.
The less contact I have with him actual or other is better.
Hugs
Teggie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Just crossed my mind this am while chillin at the puter..... We have our comp hooked to dsl through a router so that AH could use his laptop in the house or out at the shop with this wireless gizmo he has. DSL is not that cheap & I pay the bill on it. I recall a neighbor kid coming over about 3 weeks ago and asking me for the code to the internet, I was like huh? Thje kid said oh well A(AH) gave us the code so we could get the internet but my stepmom lost the code and we need it again. These people live close to us, I don't know them well but thier boys play with my son. AH knows them, has prob partied with the guy.
So AH comes in and says oh yah and talks to the kid, I ask later, what was up with that? Turns out he gave them the router code so they could use our internet. I was not happy about that, I didn't think I was obligated to power the neighborhoods puters and pay for it.
So I asked that he put an end to that & maybye suggest a low cost ISP to them.
Shortly after that the proverbial SH&# hit the fan and I forgot about it. So I'm sitting here today and remember that. I'm not too comp savvy but I figured out how to connect my comp only to the dsl and take the router down and put it in the closet.
So now noone can use my internet that I bust my a$$ to pay for except for me.
It crossed my mind later, was he charging for it? Wouldn't surprise me.
I am finding I am fully capable of handling things.
Just wanted to throw tthat out there.
Hugs,
Teggie
So AH comes in and says oh yah and talks to the kid, I ask later, what was up with that? Turns out he gave them the router code so they could use our internet. I was not happy about that, I didn't think I was obligated to power the neighborhoods puters and pay for it.
So I asked that he put an end to that & maybye suggest a low cost ISP to them.
Shortly after that the proverbial SH&# hit the fan and I forgot about it. So I'm sitting here today and remember that. I'm not too comp savvy but I figured out how to connect my comp only to the dsl and take the router down and put it in the closet.
So now noone can use my internet that I bust my a$$ to pay for except for me.
It crossed my mind later, was he charging for it? Wouldn't surprise me.
I am finding I am fully capable of handling things.
Just wanted to throw tthat out there.
Hugs,
Teggie
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