I feel really sad right now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hollywood, CA
Posts: 58
I feel really sad right now
It's Day 20. No call, no contact...nothing.
Today, I started potty training my daughter and she did really well. Went on her own 4 times and had one accident (no.2...which I hear is normal since they don't get the hang of that yet). Now she is asleep, and I think...he should have been here to show her how proud of her he is. He should have been here to kiss her goodnight. He should be here and holding me when we talk about how she is growing up so quick.
But he isn't and I have no clue where he is. I am trying so hard to stay strong and most times I think I am. But my heart is aching so much right now. I miss him so so so much.
Today, I started potty training my daughter and she did really well. Went on her own 4 times and had one accident (no.2...which I hear is normal since they don't get the hang of that yet). Now she is asleep, and I think...he should have been here to show her how proud of her he is. He should have been here to kiss her goodnight. He should be here and holding me when we talk about how she is growing up so quick.
But he isn't and I have no clue where he is. I am trying so hard to stay strong and most times I think I am. But my heart is aching so much right now. I miss him so so so much.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
im so sorry you are sad, i pray that tomorrow will be a brighter day. good for you and your daughter on the potty training. she has you so keep strong and keep the focus on you two. one day at a time, it will get easier. you are in my prayers.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by SadlyLost 
It's Day 20. No call, no contact...nothing.
Today, I started potty training my daughter and she did really well. Went on her own 4 times and had one accident (no.2...which I hear is normal since they don't get the hang of that yet). Now she is asleep, and I think...he should have been here to show her how proud of her he is. He should have been here to kiss her goodnight. He should be here and holding me when we talk about how she is growing up so quick.
But he isn't and I have no clue where he is. I am trying so hard to stay strong and most times I think I am. But my heart is aching so much right now. I miss him so so so much.
Today, I started potty training my daughter and she did really well. Went on her own 4 times and had one accident (no.2...which I hear is normal since they don't get the hang of that yet). Now she is asleep, and I think...he should have been here to show her how proud of her he is. He should have been here to kiss her goodnight. He should be here and holding me when we talk about how she is growing up so quick.
But he isn't and I have no clue where he is. I am trying so hard to stay strong and most times I think I am. But my heart is aching so much right now. I miss him so so so much.
Sorry you are feeling so sad. Is there other things you can do or get yourself involved in to keep yourself busy or occupied?
Maybe instead of thinking of what he should be doing, you can also think about what YOU could be doing. You'll never have the power to control him or what things should happen.
But you can take your power back and think of all the things you could be doing, you do have control over that part.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hollywood, CA
Posts: 58
I know I have no power over him. I just feel like he's her dad, and dads should be there during big moments, so these milestones get to me cause I'm still trying to grasp the fact that we aren't a family anymore.
Me? Oh I keep myself busy and I do a lot of things for me and my daughter. Nighttime gets hard cause that's when she's asleep and I really don't have anything to do but browse the web or watch TV. So I have too much time to think.
Oh Done with It- I live in Hollywood too. How'd you like the downpours today?
Me? Oh I keep myself busy and I do a lot of things for me and my daughter. Nighttime gets hard cause that's when she's asleep and I really don't have anything to do but browse the web or watch TV. So I have too much time to think.
Oh Done with It- I live in Hollywood too. How'd you like the downpours today?
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
lol, I was wondering if it was Hollywood, Fl or CA that you lived in.
It was crazy rain wasn't it... I had already committed to dancing
"Outside" for a pretty big thing, and they did not cancel, so that
is where I was if you can believe it. DANCING IN THAT INSANE
rain from 8:30-1:30.. I was completely soaked from head to toe. lol
and sooo cold.
Supposed to be like this all week, so stay safe!
I get what you mean about her Dad, and I can imagine this weather
doesn't make it any easier. I hope talking about it here helps you some.
Good to have another Hollywooder here,
It was crazy rain wasn't it... I had already committed to dancing
"Outside" for a pretty big thing, and they did not cancel, so that
is where I was if you can believe it. DANCING IN THAT INSANE
rain from 8:30-1:30.. I was completely soaked from head to toe. lol
and sooo cold.
Supposed to be like this all week, so stay safe!
I get what you mean about her Dad, and I can imagine this weather
doesn't make it any easier. I hope talking about it here helps you some.
Good to have another Hollywooder here,
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
You and I share the same "Independence Day" LOL! I'm on day 21 too and I have highs and lows. Mostly highs, but when the lows hit... OMG. I will be PMS'ing this week, so I am preparing myself for it.
I saw him yesterday, and it didn't sink Me. As a matter of fact, I was feeling very detached from it all. Not in a standoffish kind of way, I genuinely felt independent, which was great. I do miss him too. He isn't a horrible person, and was actually very good to me. It's just the chaos and the loneliness I feel when he's on pills that I cannot live with anymore. Also, my enabling wasn't helping either one of us.
It's hard, we love these people. Their not just A's, they're our family.
But, change needs to happen for us and for them.
One day at a time, right? Let's make this a good one.
BTW- are you friends with any single Moms? There are a lot out there, and it might be fun to spend some time with other Women who are "doin it" on their own too. Just a thought.
Have a good day. (((((( hugs )))))))
I saw him yesterday, and it didn't sink Me. As a matter of fact, I was feeling very detached from it all. Not in a standoffish kind of way, I genuinely felt independent, which was great. I do miss him too. He isn't a horrible person, and was actually very good to me. It's just the chaos and the loneliness I feel when he's on pills that I cannot live with anymore. Also, my enabling wasn't helping either one of us.
It's hard, we love these people. Their not just A's, they're our family.
But, change needs to happen for us and for them.
One day at a time, right? Let's make this a good one.
BTW- are you friends with any single Moms? There are a lot out there, and it might be fun to spend some time with other Women who are "doin it" on their own too. Just a thought.
Have a good day. (((((( hugs )))))))
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Sadly,
Great suggestion from Sofa.
Unfortunately, we experience grief in stages. I think it can last a long time, but the most hurtful, acute part is probably behind you. If you can stay the course. It sucks, but you are being the role model for your daughter of what a woman, and a mother is. What you tolerate, where you draw your lines, how you deal with life, all matters where she is concerned.
I am so sorry that you're sad and lonely. I know how your insides just ache sometimes.
Great suggestion from Sofa.
Unfortunately, we experience grief in stages. I think it can last a long time, but the most hurtful, acute part is probably behind you. If you can stay the course. It sucks, but you are being the role model for your daughter of what a woman, and a mother is. What you tolerate, where you draw your lines, how you deal with life, all matters where she is concerned.
I am so sorry that you're sad and lonely. I know how your insides just ache sometimes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hollywood, CA
Posts: 58
Sofa... yea wow both on Day 21 now. I guess it's hard cause it's not me that chose to datach, he just up and left and hasn't even tried to contact me. I have many Good Riddance moments and feel relief and free. But then, I think, did he ever really love me or our life together that he can dismiss me, our life, our child so easily? Before when he would run off... he would call, but he would be very defensive so all I can think of is he's feeling total guilt. But how can one stay away from all you love? I don't understand. That's the hard part...not understanding.
Yea.. I have one friend who is a single mom with a douchebag/deadbeat dad (but not an addict) so we talk. She's awesome.
coffeedrinker- that's exactly how I feel sometimes. Like my insides ache. I really feel pain in my heart on nights like last night.
Today is a little better, but I am at work and pretty busy so no time to think about Joe. Let's see how tonight goes.
Yea.. I have one friend who is a single mom with a douchebag/deadbeat dad (but not an addict) so we talk. She's awesome.
coffeedrinker- that's exactly how I feel sometimes. Like my insides ache. I really feel pain in my heart on nights like last night.
Today is a little better, but I am at work and pretty busy so no time to think about Joe. Let's see how tonight goes.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Sadly - I'm sorry. All I can share with you is what you already know: This feeling will not last forever!
I was in your spot before -- a long time ago -- and I still remember the aching heart you're talking about. I thought I'd never climb out of that hole! But little by little, I did. And, actually, it didn't take but a few months. I know it seems like forever, but get yourself out, MAKE yourself socialize with positive friends (especially when you don't want to), meditate, journal and get a bit of exercise. Before you know it, you will wake up one day and realize that 5 whole hours have passed and you haven't given "him" one single thought and you will know that you really are on your way to a better place.
We're always here for ya, too.
I was in your spot before -- a long time ago -- and I still remember the aching heart you're talking about. I thought I'd never climb out of that hole! But little by little, I did. And, actually, it didn't take but a few months. I know it seems like forever, but get yourself out, MAKE yourself socialize with positive friends (especially when you don't want to), meditate, journal and get a bit of exercise. Before you know it, you will wake up one day and realize that 5 whole hours have passed and you haven't given "him" one single thought and you will know that you really are on your way to a better place.
We're always here for ya, too.
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Just checkin' in...
Hope you're doing better.
BTW about this:
it's not me that chose to detach, he just up and left and hasn't even tried to contact me.
Someday you can send him a thank you card.
Hope you're doing better.
BTW about this:
it's not me that chose to detach, he just up and left and hasn't even tried to contact me.
Someday you can send him a thank you card.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 52
I'm sad today too. Here's what i'm trying to remember:
Let go and let god - i've done everything possible. It's time to take care of me and let the universe take care of him (and me and the kiddos too!)
Easy does it and keep it simple - i know i'm sad today. By acknowledging that and pledging to prioritize my activities and take it easy on myself it takes some of the pressure off. I'm trying to treat myself the way i treat my daughter.
Don't ask why - ask what is the lesson. Asking why makes me crazy because i don't understand either. I will never understand. Acceptance of that has given me some piece of mind.
And the one that MUST be a constant mantra in my head for me to make it thru today - i didn't cause it; i can't control it; i can't cure it. Enough said.
Hugs!
Let go and let god - i've done everything possible. It's time to take care of me and let the universe take care of him (and me and the kiddos too!)
Easy does it and keep it simple - i know i'm sad today. By acknowledging that and pledging to prioritize my activities and take it easy on myself it takes some of the pressure off. I'm trying to treat myself the way i treat my daughter.
Don't ask why - ask what is the lesson. Asking why makes me crazy because i don't understand either. I will never understand. Acceptance of that has given me some piece of mind.
And the one that MUST be a constant mantra in my head for me to make it thru today - i didn't cause it; i can't control it; i can't cure it. Enough said.
Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Dear Sadly,
I hope you are at least a tiny bit better today, but I understand if you say you aren't.
I went back and forth between two very strong feelings for a few months: that intense, adrenaline-filled, anxiety, dread thing; and the extreme sadness, longing for something unattainable, chest ache, wanna cry thing. yes, we sure do understand because we have felt it.
I don't know your guy, but I also experienced the doubt, the lack of understanding, and the questioning our entire past together. What was the truth and what was a lie? And just who are you??? For about three weeks I was convinced that he was actually a Sociopath. Not just the term for one, but really WAS one. This was almost unbearable. Then one day, when I went to the town he was staying in, to rescue him (cuz he was at the breaking point I could tell from the stories I was getting) he did not expect me. (Nor did he come back home to go to rehab either) I remember going into the bedroom that was his and seeing photos on the little nightstand. They were there when he was there, all alone (which was every time - not one to socialize when he's using). He didn't quickly put them out when I showed up, ya know? There were only three: one of his daughter, of his grandson, and of me. These were his most prized possessions, and I'm sure looking at them sent a boat load of guilt his way. But none-the-less, I WAS right all along about his heart. He DID have one, he just couldn't get to it.
This little experience completely changed how I looked at him, and how I look at addicts. I DO have to draw my boundaries, and so do you, but I have compassion for the human souls that are lost deep inside those bodies, and compassion for the broken-ness that has caused all of this. So yes, unless he is in a very, very small minority, he did love you, and he does love you. It is down so deep he can't reach it, and he's in so deep, it can't reach him. You and I don't understand how this can be so, and we never will. But especially after reading on this board (from the addicts) I kinda get it. As more than one person has said, when they started thinking about the family or all they had lost, it hurt and so their response to make that hurt go away, was to pick up the pipe, needle, bottle, again.
I hope you are at least a tiny bit better today, but I understand if you say you aren't.
I went back and forth between two very strong feelings for a few months: that intense, adrenaline-filled, anxiety, dread thing; and the extreme sadness, longing for something unattainable, chest ache, wanna cry thing. yes, we sure do understand because we have felt it.
I don't know your guy, but I also experienced the doubt, the lack of understanding, and the questioning our entire past together. What was the truth and what was a lie? And just who are you??? For about three weeks I was convinced that he was actually a Sociopath. Not just the term for one, but really WAS one. This was almost unbearable. Then one day, when I went to the town he was staying in, to rescue him (cuz he was at the breaking point I could tell from the stories I was getting) he did not expect me. (Nor did he come back home to go to rehab either) I remember going into the bedroom that was his and seeing photos on the little nightstand. They were there when he was there, all alone (which was every time - not one to socialize when he's using). He didn't quickly put them out when I showed up, ya know? There were only three: one of his daughter, of his grandson, and of me. These were his most prized possessions, and I'm sure looking at them sent a boat load of guilt his way. But none-the-less, I WAS right all along about his heart. He DID have one, he just couldn't get to it.
This little experience completely changed how I looked at him, and how I look at addicts. I DO have to draw my boundaries, and so do you, but I have compassion for the human souls that are lost deep inside those bodies, and compassion for the broken-ness that has caused all of this. So yes, unless he is in a very, very small minority, he did love you, and he does love you. It is down so deep he can't reach it, and he's in so deep, it can't reach him. You and I don't understand how this can be so, and we never will. But especially after reading on this board (from the addicts) I kinda get it. As more than one person has said, when they started thinking about the family or all they had lost, it hurt and so their response to make that hurt go away, was to pick up the pipe, needle, bottle, again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hollywood, CA
Posts: 58
Thank you all, so much. You guys are amazing and such a help. My friends are a great, but I don't think they understand the pain I am going through. They hear the bad and they think, well then it's good he's gone you should be happy. But I'm not and I get sad, and I miss him.
I am doing a little better today though. I actually went to sleep at a normal hour last night, unlike the 1am-2am I have been doing since he left (and getting up at 6am every day for work or my daughter!). I found myself getting depressed on my way home, right before I picked up my daughter. I started to cry but I stopped myself, said now is not the time I have my baby to pick up and I can't have her worrying. I did have a little cry when she was asleep...but nothing like the other night.
coffeedrinker- Thank you so much for that. That is EXACTLY how I am feeling right now. Not the sociopath part, instead I think...what is wrong with me that I have been this stupid to fall for something so false all these years and to really have believe he loved me? Your story helped me a lot just now. He doesn't have any pictures of us that I know of, he didn't even have a wallet when he left. But now, I wonder if him breaking into the apt was his way of missing us. He doesn't take anything... doesn't even shower or take food...he just comes while we're gone and then goes before anyone gets home.
sofa- I hope one day I can get to that point. Someday...he did give me the best part of him, and that's our daughter. For that, I do thank him.
tjp- I do make myself go out. I try to stay really busy on weekends so I don't have chances to just sit and get upset. I'm slowly starting to do things for myself and it feels good. I'm joining a gym as soon as I move, which I am counting the days to.
I am doing a little better today though. I actually went to sleep at a normal hour last night, unlike the 1am-2am I have been doing since he left (and getting up at 6am every day for work or my daughter!). I found myself getting depressed on my way home, right before I picked up my daughter. I started to cry but I stopped myself, said now is not the time I have my baby to pick up and I can't have her worrying. I did have a little cry when she was asleep...but nothing like the other night.
coffeedrinker- Thank you so much for that. That is EXACTLY how I am feeling right now. Not the sociopath part, instead I think...what is wrong with me that I have been this stupid to fall for something so false all these years and to really have believe he loved me? Your story helped me a lot just now. He doesn't have any pictures of us that I know of, he didn't even have a wallet when he left. But now, I wonder if him breaking into the apt was his way of missing us. He doesn't take anything... doesn't even shower or take food...he just comes while we're gone and then goes before anyone gets home.
sofa- I hope one day I can get to that point. Someday...he did give me the best part of him, and that's our daughter. For that, I do thank him.
tjp- I do make myself go out. I try to stay really busy on weekends so I don't have chances to just sit and get upset. I'm slowly starting to do things for myself and it feels good. I'm joining a gym as soon as I move, which I am counting the days to.
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