Need advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 6
Need advice
Hello I just found this board. I believe my husband is addicted to lortabs.
My husband hurt his back a few years ago and started taking lortabs for the pain. He had a dr prescribing them who was later investigated for overprescribing narcotics. When the dr shut down his practice my husband began buying from whoever had any painkillers. After MANY fights he agreed to go to a dr and get put on suboxone well he goes to the visit and the dr says he is not addicted he is just dependent on the pills because of his pain and gives him a prescription for the lortabs. We have been having financial issues so we were both suppose to be putting our entire checks in the bank to pay our bills well I found out today he is not putting his entire check in the bank he has been keeping at least a hundred dollars from every check so that he can buy pills because "the pills the dr gives arent enough". Well I truly believe at this point he is addicted he knows we dont have extra money but is using hundreds for pills not to mention lying to me even when I confronted him he lied for a day saying he wasnt taking any money, and of course once he admitted it he said not to worry he would just stop doing it. And he was actually furious with me. For what asking what he was doing with the money? Mad because I was upset he has been lying to me? My husband does have 2 pinched nerves so he is in pain but that can not make this ok. Im really not sure what to do at this point do I insist he get put on the suboxone and quit taking the lortabs or do I just leave him and wait to see what he does? I know he wont get better until he admits he has a problem and wants help but it feels wrong to just leave even though I cant live this way. I would do anything to help him get better but Im not sure there is anything I can do that will help him.
My husband hurt his back a few years ago and started taking lortabs for the pain. He had a dr prescribing them who was later investigated for overprescribing narcotics. When the dr shut down his practice my husband began buying from whoever had any painkillers. After MANY fights he agreed to go to a dr and get put on suboxone well he goes to the visit and the dr says he is not addicted he is just dependent on the pills because of his pain and gives him a prescription for the lortabs. We have been having financial issues so we were both suppose to be putting our entire checks in the bank to pay our bills well I found out today he is not putting his entire check in the bank he has been keeping at least a hundred dollars from every check so that he can buy pills because "the pills the dr gives arent enough". Well I truly believe at this point he is addicted he knows we dont have extra money but is using hundreds for pills not to mention lying to me even when I confronted him he lied for a day saying he wasnt taking any money, and of course once he admitted it he said not to worry he would just stop doing it. And he was actually furious with me. For what asking what he was doing with the money? Mad because I was upset he has been lying to me? My husband does have 2 pinched nerves so he is in pain but that can not make this ok. Im really not sure what to do at this point do I insist he get put on the suboxone and quit taking the lortabs or do I just leave him and wait to see what he does? I know he wont get better until he admits he has a problem and wants help but it feels wrong to just leave even though I cant live this way. I would do anything to help him get better but Im not sure there is anything I can do that will help him.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 6
He says he has to have the pills for the pain I dont think he believes he could be without pain with any other treatment and I know he is very scared of going through withdrawal. He has tried some nsaids and was going to a chiropracter for awhile with no improvement the drs say he is not a candidate for surgery. The dr he sees now also does suboxone this was the reason he started seeing him but the dr decided to write him scripts for lortabs but I know he is a strict dr and if he knew he was getting extras he would stop his scripts. As far as other behaviors he is very moody although he is bipolar also. He has lately been taking something (who knows what) because at night time he will basically fall asleep wherever he is or start talking nonsense and mumbling, on these nights once he falls asleep the sound of his breathing is just weird it really sounds like he is struggling so I stay up making sure he doesnt stop breathing. I feel like he has checked out on us if he is home he is either sleeping or in a horrible mood until one of his buddies calls and he will live for a few minutes and come back unbelievably happy and loving. He misses work at least once or twice a week and when he does he sleeps all day. We have 3 kids and I worry about what they are seeing. I worry if I leave he will kill himself either from suicide or overdosing. I think thats the hardest for me I feel like I should leave but we took vows for better or worse and I dont want to just give up on him. I know he would go to the dr for suboxone if I told him I was leaving but from what I read that wont do any good. I dont think he realizes its getting to be a problem but I dont know if I can stay and watch it get worse. Im so confused right now. I am thinking of going to some al anon meetings I know I have major codependency issues.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I dont think he realizes its getting to be a problem but I dont know if I can stay and watch it get worse. Im so confused right now. I am thinking of going to some al anon meetings I know I have major codependency issues.
Living with addiction can make us crazy, but surrounding ourselves with support, here and at meetings, just very well may give us our sanity back. Step 2 promises it will.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm an RA (recovering addict) and I have loved ones who are addicts. I agree that you can't force him to do anything about his addiction that he doesn't want to. However, as has been pointed out, you CAN go to al-anon or nar-anon meetings and keep reading/posting here.
Addiction is horrible, IMO, from both sides, but being a loved one is really hard, and the more support you can get, the better.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Addiction is horrible, IMO, from both sides, but being a loved one is really hard, and the more support you can get, the better.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Hi Inconsolable,
My AH's DOC is opiates...mostly Oxy's now, but he would take any opiate he can get his hands on. It did start with Loritabs and Vicodin 10 years ago. He has not moved onto Heroin, but I hear it is a very common thing once they figure out it's less expensive than pills.
Opiates are no joke, they alter brain chemistry and over time they will have to take more and more to get the same "high"....tolerance. You have seen him "Nod off", and breathing has changed. He is "in it".
My AH has detoxed with me at home without professional help many many times. It is a horrible experience for them and can be very dangerous. It is also painful to have to watch a loved one go through it. They do feel pain as they withdraw, and sometimes this can be confused with their initial reason for taking them. IMO he may need professional help to detox, and then NA and counseling...for the rest of his life...but that is for him to decide.
He is in for one hell of a ride, as are you if you continue in this relationship.
The best advice I can give you is work on yourself. You have no control over his addiction, and you cannot "fix" it or make it better....he must do that for himself. It is very easy for us "codies" to take on a "savior" role...trying to fix the one who is sick and needs help....but it is out of our hands. The hardest part for us is accepting that we have no control over the addict. Step One.
Have you two talked about him going into a rehab program? That's about as far as you can go with him, the rest is up to him.
I feel your pain and concern, as we all do here. We have all been through or are going through what you are and lots and lots of people here will help you along the way. If you can get yourself to an Alanon or Naranon meeting that would be such a help to you. There you will meet people exactly like you.
I am so glad you found SR. Read every thing you can including the Stickies at the top of the Forums page. It has helped Me so much and I am a much better person to myself for it.
It's a journey, but we will be here with you.
My AH's DOC is opiates...mostly Oxy's now, but he would take any opiate he can get his hands on. It did start with Loritabs and Vicodin 10 years ago. He has not moved onto Heroin, but I hear it is a very common thing once they figure out it's less expensive than pills.
Opiates are no joke, they alter brain chemistry and over time they will have to take more and more to get the same "high"....tolerance. You have seen him "Nod off", and breathing has changed. He is "in it".
My AH has detoxed with me at home without professional help many many times. It is a horrible experience for them and can be very dangerous. It is also painful to have to watch a loved one go through it. They do feel pain as they withdraw, and sometimes this can be confused with their initial reason for taking them. IMO he may need professional help to detox, and then NA and counseling...for the rest of his life...but that is for him to decide.
He is in for one hell of a ride, as are you if you continue in this relationship.
The best advice I can give you is work on yourself. You have no control over his addiction, and you cannot "fix" it or make it better....he must do that for himself. It is very easy for us "codies" to take on a "savior" role...trying to fix the one who is sick and needs help....but it is out of our hands. The hardest part for us is accepting that we have no control over the addict. Step One.
Have you two talked about him going into a rehab program? That's about as far as you can go with him, the rest is up to him.
I feel your pain and concern, as we all do here. We have all been through or are going through what you are and lots and lots of people here will help you along the way. If you can get yourself to an Alanon or Naranon meeting that would be such a help to you. There you will meet people exactly like you.
I am so glad you found SR. Read every thing you can including the Stickies at the top of the Forums page. It has helped Me so much and I am a much better person to myself for it.
It's a journey, but we will be here with you.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
Originally Posted by inconsolable 
I think thats the hardest for me I feel like I should leave but we took vows for better or worse and I dont want to just give up on him.
i am a recovering addict married to an active addict of 23yrs, who recently found his way back to prison. i thought i couldn't leave my ah because of the vows. after 21yrs of trying to do "for better or worse", i had to separate myself, his addiction and behavior was literally driving me insane.
addiction does get progressively worse and living with addiction is a very hard life to live, especially when there is nothing you can do to help anyone but yourself. alanon/naranon f2f support groups are life savers for a lot of family members, hope you check them out.
addicts will say and do whatever they need to do to continue their drug use and to get loved ones off their backs. try to focus more on you and watch his actions not his words.
as for me, today i am a few yrs clean but it took for my family to kind of cut me off, allowing me to suffer the consequences of my own actions. i hit my bottom, then and only then was i able to see for myself just how destructive and out of control my life had become, which eventually caused me to desperately want to seek help for myself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
as uncomfortable as it is, you can live in "not sure" for a little while. it will drive to crazy to stay there, though. just take a little pressure off yourself, keep seeking answers, and your truth should come to you. but! when it does, don't second guess, don't talk yourself out of acting on what the voice is telling you.
you sound sane but uncertain, like you want to put good boundaries in place for what you and your children are exposed to, but are second-guessing the direction you are leaning in.
that better or worse thing? what if he were shoving you around? or one of the kids? then would you feel the need to stay for "worse"? i think not. we all have a line that we draw in the sand. you get to, and have to, decide just where that is.
you sound sane but uncertain, like you want to put good boundaries in place for what you and your children are exposed to, but are second-guessing the direction you are leaning in.
that better or worse thing? what if he were shoving you around? or one of the kids? then would you feel the need to stay for "worse"? i think not. we all have a line that we draw in the sand. you get to, and have to, decide just where that is.
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